[FallDuskTrain]

I am not sure why I am sharing this but ...... Well, I actually do know why I am sharing it. Because I have no one else to talk to (besides my T). And I am in so much pain. I feel very lonely. I have not felt lonely.....hhmmmm... never, until now.
I cut people off out of my life very quickly. it is a defense mechanism. I have been like this for as long as I can remember but it has become more defined as I got older; to a point where I literally have no one. Not even an emergency contact!
I standby the reasons why I cut people out of my life. I see red flags and I immediately remove myself from that friendship.
I am terrified of people. I am so very scared of them. I had seen a bear once and I was not scared at all. But people.... they terrify me.
And, forget about having a partner or a significant other. I have been single for over a decade.... completely single....
This is what happens when you cut people out of your life.... sitting by the fire place, fearful and tearful.
Thank you for reading,
From my living room,
FallDuskTrain

I am sorry you are in pain. If you ever need to talk, message me. You are never alone.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I am sorry you are in pain. If you ever need to talk, message me. You are never alone.

Thank you so very much.

FallDuskTrain,

I know exactly how you feel. I'm in a similar situation as you are, because I am quick to cut people out of my life too, for good reasons that I don't regret. The only people I interact with are online, here and on my Facebook wall.

Sometimes I go through periods of introspection where I perseverate on being alone and how lonely that feels, how invalidating it feels, how disconnected it makes me feel. That phase can last anywhere from hours, to days, to weeks. And then suddenly, I'll snap out of it and forge ahead again, feeling grounded and not bothered by my being "friendless." Would I like to have a social life again? Sure, it's nice to have people to call and talk to, and go out with. But, I'm tired of people judging me.

There's a great poem that states:

some people
when they hear
your story.
contract.
others
upon hearing your story.
expand.
and
this is how
you
know.

I find that to be succinct and so true. People either judge you as "right" or "wrong" for them immediately upon meeting you. Others make take longer, but sometimes it's hard to wait for those people to come around. Sometimes, they never do.

I've also been single for a long time due to the emotional abuse I've suffered from the men I dated. No thanks. I'd rather be single and happy than with someone and miserable. No way will I settle for less, and you shouldn't settle for less either. Trust me when I acknowledge that while loneliness is the consequence of being single, it's a loneliness that is safer than a loneliness while you're with someone.

I don't know if I'm terrified of people as much as I'm irritate by people's phony baloney. I just can't tolerate fake people. Like, I literally have a ZERO tolerance. I trust animals faster than I trust people. I've fed up with the way I used to let people manipulate me.

All I can offer you is this quote from Nietzsche, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." I decided that I live for myself -- that is my "why." So my "how" has to do with how I am going to make myself happy, putting myself first instead of second -- be the leading lady in my own life story, instead of the "best friend" second fiddle player.

Very nice living room fireplace. If you had some chestnuts, you could roast them over an open fire...

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by cielpur

FallDuskTrain,


I know exactly how you feel. I'm in a similar situation as you are, because I am quick to cut people out of my life too, for good reasons that I don't regret. The only people I interact with are online, here and on my Facebook wall.


Sometimes I go through periods of introspection where I perseverate on being alone and how lonely that feels, how invalidating it feels, how disconnected it makes me feel. That phase can last anywhere from hours, to days, to weeks. And then suddenly, I'll snap out of it and forge ahead again, feeling grounded and not bothered by my being "friendless." Would I like to have a social life again? Sure, it's nice to have people to call and talk to, and go out with. But, I'm tired of people judging me.


There's a great poem that states:


some people

when they hear

your story.

contract.

others

upon hearing your story.

expand.

and

this is how

you

know.


I find that to be succinct and so true. People either judge you as "right" or "wrong" for them immediately upon meeting you. Others make take longer, but sometimes it's hard to wait for those people to come around. Sometimes, they never do.


I've also been single for a long time due to the emotional abuse I've suffered from the men I dated. No thanks. I'd rather be single and happy than with someone and miserable. No way will I settle for less, and you shouldn't settle for less either. Trust me when I acknowledge that while loneliness is the consequence of being single, it's a loneliness that is safer than a loneliness while you're with someone.


I don't know if I'm terrified of people as much as I'm irritate by people's phony baloney. I just can't tolerate fake people. Like, I literally have a ZERO tolerance. I trust animals faster than I trust people. I've fed up with the way I used to let people manipulate me.


All I can offer you is this quote from Nietzsche, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." I decided that I live for myself -- that is my "why." So my "how" has to do with how I am going to make myself happy, putting myself first instead of second -- be the leading lady in my own life story, instead of the "best friend" second fiddle player.


Very nice living room fireplace. If you had some chestnuts, you could roast them over an open fire...

Thank you so much, Cielpur.
That poem is wonderful.
Thank you.

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Thank you so much, Cielpur.
That poem is wonderful.
Thank you.

Hang in there, FallDuskTrain.

I found this quote online which I think sums up the two sides of loneliness well:

"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone, and solitude expresses the glory of being alone."

If you spend too much time on one side, you lose your balance.

Don't lose your balance.

Your uniqueness makes you special, but it can also make you feel lonely. When we don't share our true selves with others -- for whatever reason -- we create a loneliness that we don't deserve. That's the hard part about life, at least for me it can be sometimes. To be vulnerable with someone is THE scariest thing sometimes, because like the poem I quoted states, people either contract or expand. And it can be disappointing to find out someone contracts rather than expands, after we share our true selves. But that person wasn't the right person, otherwise they'd expand and a beautiful connection is formed that is healthy and beneficial to both people.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by cielpur

Hang in there, FallDuskTrain.


I found this quote online which I think sums up the two sides of loneliness well:


"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone, and solitude expresses the glory of being alone."


If you spend too much time on one side, you lose your balance.


Don't lose your balance.


Your uniqueness makes you special, but it can also make you feel lonely. When we don't share our true selves with others -- for whatever reason -- we create a loneliness that we don't deserve. That's the hard part about life, at least for me it can be sometimes. To be vulnerable with someone is THE scariest thing sometimes, because like the poem I quoted states, people either contract or expand. And it can be disappointing to find out someone contracts rather than expands, after we share our true selves. But that person wasn't the right person, otherwise they'd expand and a beautiful connection is formed that is healthy and beneficial to both people.

You make a very good point about not losing balance. It is razor’s edge. So easy to lose balance.

That is a very nice quote. I have always loved my solitude and probably got addicted to it. Loneliness is like the horrible hangover after overdosing on solitude. And, there is no bloody merry or menudo to fix it
Thank you, again, for your support.

Take after Morrissey and s

You may feel better?!

Loneliness is definitely like the horrible hangover of too much solitude. The antidote to loneliness is solitude with socializing. If that makes sense.

Solitude is easy to get addicted to. I love my solitude and find it difficult to decompress after I interact with people, because sometimes that amps me up to the point where I have a panic attack afterward. Not fun.

Always here with support. Anytime.

[winter loneliness]

I am with you too. I don't trust men in particular. (romantically) My goal is to date this year. I will try.

I don't cut people out until I end up hating them.

[MickeyCheeky]

We're with you, everytime you need.

[Bill3]