So this other MH forum I am on, I am absolutely terrified of the site's owner.

I cannot mention the site itself on here, but she is known to be abusive and toxic to members.

She flies off the handle on them, gets vicious and attacks verbally if you step out of line in any way. She gets this way if you disagree with her. She is a horrible human being and should not be running a site for mental health support!!

Well, she viewed my profile yesterday and it sent me into a huge tailspin and panic. Was I in trouble? What did I do? She doesn't just randomly visit members' profiles without a reason, I don't believe.

I've been on the edge of my seat, panicking that I will receive a vicious email from her.

She did this recently to a friend of mine on that site, who then ASKED to be banned from the site because of her.

HOW do these people end up in the field of mental health????

My friend who asked to be banned is considering exposing her. I said this was probably not a good idea as it may shut down the whole site. But, I can see how tempting it is!

Hey Eve!

Like you said, it sounds like she should not be the admin of a mental health forum!
I know you didn't ask for it, but I hope you don't mind my advice. I'd leave the forum. It sounds toxic and unhealthy to you, your mental health (its stressing you out), and could get in the way of your recovery. I hope you don't take this as a judgment though. I would think you'd have reasons for staying, too.

That aside though, I empathize with the way you're feeling. I'd feel powerless and at the same time, I'd want to take her down. Lol. Which would really, in turn, lead to more powerlessness feelings for me.

Sorry you're experiencing anxiety over this.

Originally Posted by starrysky

Hey Eve!

Like you said, it sounds like she should not be the admin of a mental health forum!
I know you didn't ask for it, but I hope you don't mind my advice. I'd leave the forum. It sounds toxic and unhealthy to you, your mental health (its stressing you out), and could get in the way of your recovery. I hope you don't take this as a judgment though. I would think you'd have reasons for staying, too.

That aside though, I empathize with the way you're feeling. I'd feel powerless and at the same time, I'd want to take her down. Lol. Which would really, in turn, lead to more powerlessness feelings for me.

Sorry you're experiencing anxiety over this.

Hi Starry! TY!

I've left the forum periodically because of the toxicity, yes. I keep coming back because I have good friends there, which makes it hard to leave entirely.

If the site owner weren't around, it would be just like this site -- meaning, it would be just fine.

UGH, but yes, it causes anxiety in me. SHE causes anxiety in me. I am fearful of her wrath.

I know I haven't done anything wrong, but I still totally freak out over it. I've experienced her wrath firsthand, and it's definitely not pretty! She was pure evil towards me!

[divine1966]

Can you keep up with your friends outside of that forum? I’d not want to be on there if it causes stress. Are there any moderators there or she is the only one running it?

Originally Posted by divine1966

Can you keep up with your friends outside of that forum? I’d not want to be on there if it causes stress. Are there any moderators there or she is the only one running it?

I could I suppose, but I also want to see and reply to their posts too. There are moderators. They are pretty good. Luckily, it's not just her running the site.

[pegasus]

Is there someone higher up that you can report your concerns to? Or is this the actual owner? If it's the owner then things will never change. If there is someone higher up to report to (like you would if you had a bad boss at work) do that as they need to know. Stick with us here!

Originally Posted by pegasus

Is there someone higher up that you can report your concerns to? Or is this the actual owner? If it's the owner then things will never change. If there is someone higher up to report to (like you would if you had a bad boss at work) do that as they need to know. Stick with us here!

Unfortunately, no. She is the site owner so there is no one higher up than she.

I am definitely sticking around here! I spend far more time here now.

[eskielover]

I have kept in email contact with some friends who have left here. Also in FB contact with them too so we know what is going on in each others lives. That would be a much safer environment than hanging around even a little at that sight. One can messenger or email more private information than posting on FB, so it is possible to still stay at the same level of contact without being on that site.

Just curious, what exactly can her online wrath do to hurt you? If you dont value her opinion & think she is full of crap in the first place, does anything she says really matter anyway? People like that I just blow off knowing that they are full of it in the first place & that is usually when I do realize that cutting ties is the best thing & its usually a catalyst to get me to do what I knew for a long time was the right thing in the first place. Blow off their comments & leave.

Unfortunately it seems like anyone who wants to can start any kind of site they want on the internet. I am thankful that I found PC when I did way back in 2004 (13 years ago) it has been a safe place fir me during some very rough periods of my life. I truly value this site & the people here.

Originally Posted by eskielover

I have kept in email contact with some friends who have left here. Also in FB contact with them too so we know what is going on in each others lives. That would be a much safer environment than hanging around even a little at that sight. One can messenger or email more private information than posting on FB, so it is possible to still stay at the same level of contact without being on that site.

Just curious, what exactly can her online wrath do to hurt you? If you dont value her opinion & think she is full of crap in the first place, does anything she says really matter anyway? People like that I just blow off knowing that they are full of it in the first place & that is usually when I do realize that cutting ties is the best thing & its usually a catalyst to get me to do what I knew for a long time was the right thing in the first place. Blow off their comments & leave.

Unfortunately it seems like anyone who wants to can start any kind of site they want on the internet. I am thankful that I found PC when I did way back in 2004 (13 years ago) it has been a safe place fir me during some very rough periods of my life. I truly value this site & the people here.

Well, like I said above, I don't necessarily wish to leave the site altogether because of this one person. It's also easier for me to post brief responses to posts than to be email penpals with many people.

I have PTSD so her viciousness triggers that. I have a physical reaction to abuse. And what she does is bullying and abuse tactics.

She has not gone after me personally for two years. I just was triggered by her visit to my profile.

I also value this site (PC) very much! I am so glad I found it.

[Loose Screw x 2]

As long as you don't have anything in your profile that she could use to track you online or to get ahold of your personal information, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Be warry of her as a trouble making person but, don't let her frighten you. Bullies love fear. They search for it and if she's anywhere near as bad as you say then she is probably just looking for prey by checking out different people that she has clashed with in the past.
If she starts harassing you then, leave the forum and if after that she tries to stalk you, let me know and I'll try to help you out as I have been stalked and harrased online before and know some of what to do and what not to do.

Originally Posted by MavriforceK9r

As long as you don't have anything in your profile that she could use to track you online or to get ahold of your personal information, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Be warry of her as a trouble making person but, don't let her frighten you. Bullies love fear. They search for it and if she's anywhere near as bad as you say then she is probably just looking for prey by checking out different people that she has clashed with in the past.
If she starts harassing you then, leave the forum and if after that she tries to stalk you, let me know and I'll try to help you out as I have been stalked and harrased online before and know some of what to do and what not to do.

TY for your suggestions and help!

I don't think she can take any of my personal info as I have none on there.

YES, she really IS that bad.

I think my fear has subsided now a bit more. She didn't contact me about anything, so I suppose she was just checking my profile.

[amandalouise]

"I don't think she can take any of my personal info as I have none on there.

YES, she really IS that bad.

I think my fear has subsided now a bit more. She didn't contact me about anything, so I suppose she was just checking my profile."

you might want to look into the rules of confidentiality, they are usually in the registration information, FAQ, or google the state the site is located in (ex is the internet websites located in NY bound by confidentiality)

reason I mention this is because most states mental health ethics are that the internet forums are.... not ....bound by confidentiality.... there is no way to protect someones posts on the internet to be used in the wrong ways, why because the whole world is open to viewing the website, registering on website forums and so on.....unless someones country has placed a blocking on their country residents not being able to access certain websites.

also every computer comes with right click, copy , paste features and capture/ screenshot features where a person posting anywhere on the internet will not even know when someone else anywhere in the world has seen their post and used windows 10 snipping tool to make a pic or screenshot of that persons posts.

in other words there is no implied or direct expectation or ethics rules saying a website owner or their members can not use what is posted on their site...

that said some sites psych central and others that I have been on, do include in their rules/ posting policy the hope and expectation that member use the honor system and not copy/ paste or screenshot others posts, but there is no way to control who is actually doing so or not.

that is why website owners include the privacy information of never posting anything on their sites that violate state and federal laws and never post anything of a personal nature that you would not want your best friends, family, bosses and the whole world to know about. there is no such thing as confidentiality with the internet.

I think of the internet like a real time billboard out on the street, small town newspapers that report on everyones business/ activities, like a post card with out an envelop going through the postal service, anyone can see it and use the info in what ever ways they want to.

my point its the internet so yes she can use what ever you post on her site for her own ways. you might want to delete any info you dont want this person to use or the whole world to have access to it through google and so on.

I have also been on websites where I felt the owner, or persons in authority were total.... "what evers".... unfortunately we cant control other people let alone the owners of their own forums. people who have their own websites and own their own forums are the ones who make and enforce the rules. sometimes how they enforce the rules is not up to them, sometimes its governed by the state laws, or business that the site is on, sometimes its about past experience. my wife has her own website and forums. she has to enforce the state laws for her forum, she has to enforce the service providers rules and laws, and then along comes this member who was hard to deal with, totally took advantage of her soft nature, ended up almost shutting down the forum with members leaving because of one member. the result my wife had to grow her "cyber roots" dig in and develop a way to use tough love rather than be everyone's friend. she had to let go of what will the members think of me and get tough and enforce the rules. her site is now flourishing once again and yea many of her members think she is being too hard on them, that she is this or that, but the bottom line is she cant please everyone, she is not the best friend of everyone on the site, she is the owner and one that has to enforce the rules of the site. which means many times she has to be the bwitched person so to speak.

as a member of any forum the members have a choice to either stay and put up with how the site is run or leave the site because its not what they are looking for.

from your posts it sounds like you have chosen to stay on that site, that means you have chosen to accept that this person is not going to be buddy buddy and is using the tough side/ tough love approach to run their site.

maybe you can private message this person and they will explain to you why they are using the cyber equivalent of tough love for running their site. maybe even ask them something like ... hi, I see you have visited my profile, is that standard or did I do something wrong, I want to be here and enjoy your boards, so I would like some feedback from you on how you think I am doing, is there anything I need to work on?

this may open the door for her to explain her tough site to you and calm your anxiety so that you are not so afraid of her.

Thank you for your reply and input! that's definitely interesting and educational info for me. I have seen how posts can surface in the search engines.

I definitely am not going to contact this site owner for any feedback or anything. I don't want to encourage her in any way shape or form! I haven't gotten into trouble, so I don't want to invite trouble if you know what I mean? She could take it that way because she is THAT unstable.

I am not on there very much. I use PC so much more and is my primary support. I really only check in once in a while and respond to my friends' posts sometimes. Very little interaction.

[Shadix]

Meh, the idea that mental health forums are supportive communities is BS. In my experience, they are just like the real world: those who views align with the majority are respected whereas those who don't are routinely bullied and disparaged.