Not sure what I'm feeling.

You mean "Omar's tent"?? You should see the robe! It could house at least three people!

I'm a great one to make fun of him, aren't I? LOL The ironies of life.

yeah lol one thing I learned early in my life was not make fun. hehe it can come back to haunt you. hehe

LOL Yeah, some things come back and bite you in some pretty tender places.

Be, I want to thank you for sticking with me and listening to my rantings and musings but better yet, for understanding!

((((tomi)))) so sorry i didn't read this thread until now. don't really frequent this forum much. i know how you feel. years ago, when i was 2 1/2 to 3 years old, my dad raped me. for years i had a funny relationship with my dad, not like a normal father-daughter relationship. when i went through therapy i finally broke the silence. i did this not in revenge or vendetta - but, to help myself heal. as years went by, my dad's family members, my aunts, mostly, dropped dead one by one from various things. then, after years of no contact, one aunt found me and got a hold of me and told me that my dad died in 2001 from a strange brain disease. i was floored by the news. i wouldn't ever put this one on my worst enemy. i never wished anything on the family. but, it seemed as if i had laid a curse on them by breaking the silence. really, i sure had a bunch of emotions because my dad was a human being.

tomi hon no thanks needed. I understand because I have walked in those shoes myself. I really feel for you. I know even though we may "hate" what happened to us we can't hate the person that did it. especially when you share kids together. they will always be a part of our lives good or bad. I personally don't think you can live with someone like that and not care in some compacity.

For the longest time, WW and Bebop, I enjoyed hearing all the mysery he was going through with his second marriage, the continued affair with the woman he's married to now and then all the crap she's put him through, not to mention how that family got splintered.

Every time I heard of something new, I would think "Serves the bastard right!!!" I would glory in his misery! But when I saw him last Saturday and I heard how all the kids were so angry at his present wife, that they felt she was killing him, I felt so sorry for him!

If he had been paying back for all the misery he put me and my daughter through, for all of his mental and emotional abuse, I felt that he had paid his debt in full. If it had been up to me, I would have done what it took for him to stop paying back.

Since then, I've come to realize that although his present wife is a twisted, sick person, HE is the one mostly responsible for where he's at. He'd rather moan and groan and feel sorry for himself rather than to try to help himself.

I've given his kids (one of which is mine) all the information he needs to help himself. When I saw him in the hospital, I could feel that brick wall I had slung myself against for 12 years. But I also felt the same pity I felt 45 yrs ago and again, I wanted to rescue him. He doesn't want rescued, though! He wants everyone to feel sorry for him, to OOOH and AWWW about his condition, to cry for him. HU UH! NOPE! NO WAY! NOT ANY MORE! Been there, done that! No more!

He obviously hasn't changed any because when I kicked him out of my house, I told him, "You're going to die a lonely old man if you don't change your ways." Except for his kids that haven't come to the same conclusion that I have on their own, he IS an unloved, lonely, miserable old man.

THAT little tidbit, which is probably the best information I could give my kids, I just have to keep to myself because it won't be appreciated. I'll just be "badmouthing" their old man.

Whatever... I'm glad that I am now out of the revisit to those old feelings that caused me to leave him in the first place.

I'm glad that my guard was down enough so that my kids and his daughter by this marriage know that I support them. They've seen my concern and they've seen me be good to him. It's not on me anymore. My conscience is clear! Yes, I can even smile about it, too.

I'm just wondering if my daughter has pulled out any of her hair yet. LOL

Like I told someone earlier, a Borderline trying to talk some sense into a Skizophrenic! (I still can't spell that word! LOL) It may sound mean or evil or me trying to make fun of them, but it IS the Truth! God have mercy on them.

It is... FINI!

glad to hear it hon. it is a tough place to be.