How do I cope knowing I will probably never see someone again

palsera27 · Jan 31, 2018, 12:33 PM

I had opportunity to tell someone how I felt but I didn’t take it. I thought I had another opportunity but she no longer works there so now she’ll never know. I was just a week away from meeting her again.

If anything I wanted to at least be her friend. I figured because if the age difference there would probably never be a chance to be anything more. I was going to get to know her and “feel her out” if she was open minded to the LBGTQ community I was going to tell her I was questioning my sexuality. And if she was willing exploring hers I was going to ask her if I could be the the girl she explored it. I wanted her to be my first kiss my first experience my first everything

When I cry I feel physical pain deep from within. But at the same time I feel relief becomes I got some answers because I understand things now.

Talthybius · Jan 31, 2018, 02:38 PM

I don't know how to do it.

There are the persons in my life that dominate my life. One I last saw 10 years ago. I still think about her once in a while. But the attraction is gone. She was such a big part of my life, she is part of me, even though she never really realized that. I sent her one message each year, but never get a response. We parted as friends, I thought, though she knew I was deeply in love with her when all she wanted to do is not hurt me.

The second person, I met her 3 years ago. About 1.5 years ago, I thought she was in my life for the very last time. Then maybe a few times I could say 'Hi' to her as I by chance met her somewhere, but then we would be living in other places. I imagined myself still thinking about her, at least once a week. Still dreaming about her, once every month. For years, maybe a decade.

I am seeing her now again, daily. But that won't last. And while she is super nice, she is super nice to everyone and she seems to avoid me when she thinks she I don't realize it. Which is a strange thing to do as we still banter and she jokingly called herself '*****y' and me 'a *****', as a jest.
In the end, she and me getting together romantically would mean all the mistakes in my life get wiped away. It is not just a romance opportunity. It is about my entire life. My entire being. What it means to be me to myself. It is like these two people have a piece of me inside which I desperately need to be complete, not broken almost.

When I look at my problems in relationships, my misfortune on falling very strongly for very few people, that always are partial polar opposites while I can only imagine that to them like attracts like, I think about how much harder it must be for LBGTQ people. And I never see any signs of it being harder. But I don't know a lot.

Getting back to your story, when I ignore the LBGTQ thing, it seems nothing was ever explored. You don't know if the other person is interested or not, because you never tried to learn it.

But then LBGTQ, so she is probably straight while you are female? And an age difference?

I wish I could try. Girl one made me cry once. Girl two made me cry at least 3 times. The four times I ever cried as an adult. I wish I would cry more. I may live on for 60 more years, and I will never cry again, always remembering that most intense time in my life when there was a non-zero chance of me finding happiness. I cannot imagine me feeling more intense about a girl than I did about this girl right now.

Time will dilute feelings. The question is how long it will take. Eventually, it will dilute.

CelestialFlame · Jan 31, 2018, 02:51 PM

Accept it and move on with your life. Being sad about them leaving wont bring them back.

Talthybius · Jan 31, 2018, 02:57 PM

That doesn't mean anything. The only sense in which you can 'accept´ they are no longer part of your life is to not take action to force them back into your life when they don't want to.

Besides that, it is all subconscious. There is no decision. The feelings, the memories, they are either there in your mind, or not.

It is not even about being sad. Thinking about them can make you feel happy rather than sad.

CelestialFlame · Jan 31, 2018, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Talthybius

That doesn't mean anything. The only sense in which you can 'accept´ they are no longer part of your life is to not take action to force them back into your life when they don't want to.

Besides that, it is all subconscious. There is no decision. The feelings, the memories, they are either there in your mind, or not.

It is not even about being sad. Thinking about them can make you feel happy rather than sad.

Why would i force someone back into my life when they dont wan to be? If they dont care enough to stay then why should i care enough to hold on to them? **** them. I don’t need them in my life anyways to make me happy. Also why would i have to cope in the first place? Unless im dependent on them, i shouldn’t care if they’re gone or not.

Jan 31, 2018, 05:34 PM

You will get over that person as time goes by.

Talthybius · Jan 31, 2018, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CelestialFlame

Why would i force someone back into my life when they dont wan to be? If they dont care enough to stay then why should i care enough to hold on to them? **** them. I don’t need them in my life anyways to make me happy. Also why would i have to cope in the first place? Unless im dependent on them, i shouldn’t care if they’re gone or not.

wowowow

If you are romantically interested in a person, and they are not romantically interested in you, there is no place for you in their lives. It doesn't say anything about how amazing as a person they are.

Why would you string someone along who is romantically interested in you when you know it is never going to happen? If you are for them, the only thing you can do is help them move on by never meeting again.

Then, time will do the trick. Just might take a really long time for some unusual people.

CelestialFlame · Jan 31, 2018, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Talthybius

wowowow

If you are romantically interested in a person, and they are not romantically interested in you, there is no place for you in their lives. It doesn't say anything about how amazing as a person they are.

Why would you string someone along who is romantically interested in you when you know it is never going to happen? If you are for them, the only thing you can do is help them move on by never meeting again.

Then, time will do the trick. Just might take a really long time for some unusual people.

You’re literally just repeating my point in different words. What is your point in rrsponding if you’re going to repeat what i say? Also, im pretty sure romantics are for emotionals.