I need your Thoughts! Advice! Suggestions!

I need advice and general feedback from others beyond my own self and my own thoughts, my family (whom are very influential in their opinions and such) and in place of my absent friends.
I am not sure where to begin or what is necessary to explain.
i will start with my current situation.
I am a 33 year old female. I am currently living with my dad(and have been for the past 3.5 years). He is a divorced, lonely, single, depressed, semi-alcoholic and has been living that way for the past 25 years. my mother and step father live 6 hours away and I keep in touch with them some what regularly but ignore my mom's calls more than I answer them or make them. We don't have a bad relationship, I just usually feel too depressed to answer and talk to her or I am sleeping (which is more often all day everyday than not). At this point in my life I am very depressed, apathetic, hopeless, "negative", lazy, anti-social, over weight and unhappy. I haven't worked in over a year and a half. I have applied to a number of jobs, had some interviews, even got a few call backs only to end up not responding to the offers or phone calls.
I think I know why but I feel like I am just making stuff up in my head.

4 years ago I was living with my boyfriend of 6.5 years (in a house he owned) working as a photographer at a company I thoroughly enjoyed working for as well as the people I worked with. I wasn't rich. I worked seasonally, "full time" for 3-4 months and then part-time (or less) throughout the rest of the year. I also had my own photography business photographing Weddings, portraits, events, etc. but that was more occasional.
I was fortunate to have the life I did (especially looking at it from where I am now) but struggled with my family and my boyfriends family telling me to get a "real" job, a full time job, a job with benefits, a grown up job, etc...
I fought to keep doing what I loved without their comments affecting me, but over time it ran me down and I began feeling like I wasn't doing what I "should be doing" or I felt guilty for not being a "grown up". I even felt like I was thought of as insignificant, unworthy, and not good by my boyfriends family because of their comments, questions, etc. about my career and how much money I made.
I always knew that if I stopped doing photography and did it as a hobby or worked during the week at a "real" job and photography only on the weekends, such as his family would suggest, it would be the end of it for me. that is something I can't explain but i knew it in my heart. So, I kept holding on to it but in the end I gave it all up.
My boyfriend and I broke up almost 4 years ago and everything in my life changed. I was devastated. and I still have hard times. I moved out of our home and into my mother and step father's house 6 hours away bc I refused to move back in with my dad (long story) and they offered me a job at their business. I left the photography company I worked for for 5.5 years. I stopped doing photography all together. I moved to a place where I knew no one and only was around my mom and step dad as we lived together, drove to work together and worked together. after 3 months I had an emotional breakdown and they offered to drive me back to my hometown if I wanted to. I DID NOT want to live with my dad but had no where else to go and no money to live on my own but i felt like going back I would at least have my friends near by and people I know around me (including my ex who I was still talking with).
after moving back, 2 days later my ex told me he met someone else and literally stopped talking to me, replying to my text or calls. I still had a lot of stuff in his home i had to move out but he was unreachable. I couldn't process the fact that he was still there one day and then I was dead to him the next/! after all we had been through and how much we "cared" about eachother still?!?!?! again, I was devastated and beyond shocked i didn't know how to deal or cope. my friends became sick of my misery and constant talk about him that they all distanced themselves from me and I did the same from feeling shame for bringing such "negativity"( as they called it) into their lives and feeling unwanted to be around. I thought that they didn't help but made me feel worse and more alone than I was. so, for months and months and months i cried everyday alone. I sat in pain and sorrow and ABSOLUTE heartbreak in silence and shame and secret because I didn't know what else to do or who else to talk to/go to.
I wasn't allowed to grieve or feel the way I felt when my mom would tell me I "should be over it by now" (which was 1 month afterwards) or when my best friend who I mustered up the courage to open up to her told me as I cried, "well, thats life". or the constant reminder of "You just have to get over it, You just got to!"
I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with that man, I thought I meant something to him and that he loved me too. I thought that I was worth at least time.
Living with my dad of course didn't help. I hated living with him because of the way he lives (his habits, behaviors and lifestyle) and because he tries to be in charge of my life. he tells me what to do, how to do it, the way to do it and not in a good way but a bossy/controlling way. and yeah, I am 33, and I know it is my fault that I still allow him to influence/control my life and decisions but I haven't figured out how to be strong enough to deal with him when I don't do what he tells me. I guess most of it probably results from the idea that he is right, he knows better, he must be obeyed, he is the authority. and maybe he is and I am the wrong one but i've become almost defiant and resentful towards him for that (and plenty of other things).

I feel like most of my life since my break up and moving back in with my dad, my life has been influenced, controlled and pushed by what my family thinks I should do, what they want, what they say and what they do and I can't help but feel totally removed from myself and who Iam because of it. it is scary and lonely and sad and empty. I don't know how to feel better about myself or my life when I live and do what I am told to or expected to.
I feel myself dying more and more on the inside and my personality wiping away and I don't like it but I keep giving in to it bc I don't have the strength, the support, the will to fight, or the positivity to turn it back around.
Please give any advice, thoughts, suggestions, or comments if you have any. I am willing to get different perspectives. thank you for taking the time to read all this.

Thanks for sharing your dilemma. I'm sorry you living under such difficult circumstances. I don't know as there is a lot I can suggest here. From what you wrote it sounds as though you are struggling with a huge load of depression. Plus, I would surmise that your circumstances have conspired to make it increasingly difficult for you to be out-&-about in public? Just a guess...

Digging yourself out from all of this is going to be a long uphill battle, I'm afraid. I doubt there's likely to be any way around it. And I think, realistically, you're going to need help with this. Typically that kind of help would be provided by a counselor or mental health therapist & possibly a psychiatrist, if it is determined antidepressant medications are needed. I recall you mentioned you haven't worked in over a year-&-a-half though. So I presume you don't have health insurance. And assuming that is the case, that certainly does limit your options.

You didn't mention the type of area you live in (urban, small town, rural.) If you live in a small town or in a rural area, that further limits your options. If you're in a more urban area, perhaps there might be some free or income-adjusted mental health services you could access. There could, perhaps, also be some women's support organizations that could be of assistance. But, of course, the first thing you're going to have to do is to figure out what might be available & then begin reaching out for the help you need.

In some way or other, my opinion at least would be that you're going to have to come up with a step-by-step plan for how you're going to dig your way out of your present circumstances. I'm quite sure this just sounds like a daunting process. But, at least from my perspective, it's the only way. There's simply no magic solution. We here on PC can be as supportive as possible. (There can be a lot of support available here on PC if you post your own threads frequently as well as reply to other members' posts.) However that only goes so far. Ultimately, the changes you both need & want to make in your life have to be made in the real world, so to speak. (I doubt I'm telling you anything you don't already know.) And sadly, from what you wrote, it doesn't sound as though you're likely to get much in the way of help from your family... unless you could perhaps prevail on your mother to help & support you.

Anyway... with all of that written... here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of healing from depression. Perhaps some of the information in them can be of help:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/a-curre...ic-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/advice-...ic-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/strateg...ng-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-step...ion-naturally/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/depress...tive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tip...-broken-heart/