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#1
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Been afraid and alone all my life - I didn’t think it could get harder but it has. The challenge is to continue breathing and find another reason when all the others have been inadequate. What am I trying to say - I don’t know and that is the sad part. There’s nothing outside - there’s nothing inside. I don’t know what any of this means I just feel like stopping. It’s cold - I’ve always had a mattress just never a reassuring whisper. Jesus, I only want one break - I keep telling myself I deserve it but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I will go out the door wondering and cursing the whole damn project. I disappeared a long time ago......
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![]() Anonymous57777, MickeyCheeky, TishaBuv
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#2
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get cozy with a friend or stranger to absorb me
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![]() TishaBuv
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#3
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I only know strangers 🤗
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![]() Anonymous57777
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#4
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#5
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I think I'm going through something similar, I'm socially isolated so I don't have friends, just mutual acquaintances and co-workers. I come from a dysfunctional family and didn't get a lot of emotional guidance growing up (what I thought was emotional guidance as a younger woman was really just bullying, manipulation, and emotional abuse). I experience social discomfort, and this was detected with psych testing.
I'm afraid and anxious right now. I feel exposed and vulnerable. Unfortunately I ended up impulse buying a pair of shoes I don't really need to try and soothe myself. (I don't recommend it) Then I tried looking up resources and communities like this one. I'd really like to have someone, even just one person, that I can tell everything to face-to-face who isn't my therapist, and who won't get scared off or feel burdened by the things that sometimes go wrong in my life. If anything I'd like to ask what a reassuring whisper is to you - it can mean many things to many people. Maybe that is a good place to start? |
#6
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What about seeing a therapist?
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#7
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Been doing that for years - thanks 🙏
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![]() Bill3
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#8
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![]() I am sorry you are so isolated. I have to have people to talk to or I do get very depressed. Do you like the Superbowl? Are you well enough to just go to a sport's bar to watch it in order to be part of a crowd enjoying the game? For me, that would be better than staying at home alone. ![]() |
#9
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What does your therapist have to say about your current situation and feelings and how to address them?
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#10
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Just take it one minute at a time, breathe, try to enjoy the little things- they add up
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
#11
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Mac, why don't you see this as a time to make a new start. When I hit 60 nearly 2 years ago I felt terrible. I was 40% overweight, alone and lonely ( as , like you, I've been all my life) had chronic stomach problems which I had convinced myself was cancer and I was generally going downhill. I saw it as a time for change. I changed my diet, started exercising ( firstly at home and now at the sports centre- which has become part of my life). I had a colonoscopy and they found some pre cancerous polyps which they removed, I've had skin cancer which I've had 2 surgeries for and , touch wood, it won't come back. Health and fitness wise I feel the best I've felt for a long time. mentally the underlying existential depression is still there and I doubt it will ever leave me. Exercise helps .....to a point. Do I wish I wasn't here... sometimes. Do I think about suicide ...sometimes. Do I feel alone in an uncaring world.... all the time.
Mac, in all your posts you seem to identify as old. I don't know how old you are but i'm sure you're not that ancient. You can exercise with a bad arm. If you convince yourself that you are old and immobile you'll never get out of that chair. I do 'body combat' at the sports centre and keep up with people half my age. So keep us posted and .....good luck |
![]() Anonymous87914
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![]() Rose76
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#12
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Quote:
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![]() Anonymous57777
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#13
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I was married & living with my H for 33 years. It was the worst time of my life except for what our 2 computer engineer career life could provide thoygh it was OROOF that things don't make us happy either as I was finally able to walk away from it all regretting those years I wasted being so miserable & depressed.
Yep, I was 54 when I started life all over. Bought myself a farm in a little town 2100 miles away from where I lived all my life. I knew no one but talked to everyone. Got involved in my community & very involved with my relatiobship with God. The whole situation was like it allowed that person trapped inside of me all my life to finally come out. My parents had been just as dysfunctional & unable to emotionally connect as my H but I NEVER saw it until I was finally away from it. Yes, it the problem is internal to ourselves it will folliw us whereever we go, otherwise leaving can be like unlicking a door to a NEW LIFE. I always found that when I really needed to do something & really didn't feel like doing it, I had enough abiluty to kick my own self in the rear & go do it. Sometimes I would procrastinate till it got so bad I couldn't tolerate it any longer which was the motivation to get into action. Leaving was not easy as I was fighting with PTSD that happened when my mom was dying of cancer from a serious confrontation eith the home care person I caught abusing my mom with the last straw, OD'ing her on her morphine. I was struggling with anorexia caused by the stress I was going through but when I finally snapped with my H & my anger at his behavior caused me to literally see red I KNEW I had to escape. We are all capable of change but not all ate willing to do the work it takes. After moving & finding an awesome T, I spent 2 years in an intense DBT program. That along with everything else has given me the happiest life I have ever had now after almost 65 years of life (I left my marriage 10 years ago)
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![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() Anonymous57777, Bill3, ptangptang
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![]() Bill3
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#14
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Why do you feel there is nothing inside and outside. I don't wan you to reply because there isn't I wan to know specifically? Could it something to do with your upbringing, anything else in your past? It sounds like you could be depressed A feeling of emptiness can be a sign of a depression or the depressed part of bipolar. OTOH I am not a mental health professional Did you ever discuss your sense of nothing inside, out with your therapist at any time with her/him?
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