[Sesquix]

My friend I wrote about below left a message on my machine and needs me to run an errand for her (get medicine). I am avoiding her calls because I want to limit our contact. I work at home and she has never respected that, meaning most would not just expect someone to leave work to run an errand for them. Obviously my work is flexible. If I call her back and get her medicine, then she will have one other reason to be thankful and want to reciprocate somehow. I feel somewhat bad because she is unable to drive herself, and with small kids at home. But I know if I return her call today it will bring on more contact. What should I do. I haven't returned her calls for a week.

[Sesquix]

I took care of it . Going along with my proactive stance to control the contact, called back and told her I was just too busy, which I am, and referred her to a close-by store that delivers meds. By the way, it wasn't urgent as her message implied. AARGGHHH!

[gloria]

No response is a way of responding.
Next time, don't., or she will continue to manipulate you. Because that is what she did!

gab

[Sesquix]

I know Gab and I should have held out, but I felt if I didn't call, then I would have this dark cloud follwoing me the rest of the day. I have got to get over that. Maybe this incident will help me. Not only was it not urgent but she asked if I needed any help with my work. This is so rediculous of her to even ask. In general I can't stand when someone is not genuine in their offer "to help." She has her kids at home, can't drive and knows nothing about PC programming. I just don't understand why she behaves this way; it is so annoying.

[beacher27]

I think you handled that very well, but I also think that the best way is probably no contact. It doesn't sound like she has anything to offer you, but constantly needs your help. I think you should do what's good for you.

[Sesquix]

Oh boy...I am going to go along with the no contact for now. It is obvious she will always find a reason to call me. Today while I was out she left a message that she was very worried about me because I sounded so stressed out on the phone two days ago, and she wanted to make sure I was ok. &*^%$#@! I don't need a mother, already have one. Thats another thing I have told her when she tried to act like my mother. I know there have been times where I was mean or very direct over the phone and she still calls, for some reason she doesn't care. I am curious what kind of problem she has, what is the name for the illness where she has to be so dependent on other people.?? Thanks I will see if silence is worth a thousand words.

[beacher27]

Dependency personality disorder. I didn't even know there was such a thing until I found this site.

[(JD)]

You have my support with giving her the cold shoulder!

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[betty_3]

beecher, I don't think that it is wrong to be dependent especially in a give and take situation. Sometimes one is strong and the other weak and vice versa. It is more like inter-dependency.

I would agree that over dependency is a problem though. I think that it depends on the definition and use of it. Sorry if this upsets you. Just my 2cents worth.

[Sesquix]

I understand what you meant by give and take; and yes, it is like she wants to give and foster a certain closeness that I do not want. But she has no boundaries in her attempts to wiggle her way into my life and that of my family. In my posts I have said that I sometimes return her calls or respond somewhat to her attempts. But what is certain, is that I have tried, with no avail to set boundaries, which to her seem more a challenge than a hint to back off. A perfect example of her behavior is her mother; she hates her mother yet she talks to her just about every day.??? Oh well, I even wanted to call her today, but only if I would tell her to back off. And I didn't because I wans't sure if I could be mean. I have been mean before with her on the phone, but only if instigated by her. I really feel now like I am waiting to blow, like how someone waits for a reason to come along to break off a relationship or something. My hope is when I do that she will go away and never come back. We'll see if she calls monday, and that just might be the catalyst I need.

[Sesquix]

I forgot to say that she is very intelligent and always uses these $5 words, over achiever type, bragged about teh money she used to make....etc. I think this is why she could never even think that someone could not like her. She always tries so hard to please and befriend people. She always overtips and remembers names and is overly wittly. Well everything she does is overkill. Her father died really young, so I am sure this has formed her dependency on her mother and others she "blesses" with her friendship. Another trait is that she is never wrong about anything; which we all know is annoying. I was even thinking of all the great friends in town I have. I figured I meet them once every two months; split that among 9 friends and it is ok, but she wants to monopalize my time and acts put off if I go out with other friends. thank you all so much for giving this issue time and for responding. It is great to read other views. I really appreciate the sounding board and advice you all give. <<<<<THANKS>>>>>