Am I being overly dramatic or are my instincts dead on

Hello Forum! Unfortunately I am back haha.

So.....an event happened and I wanted to get a secondary opinion on this situation so that I know that I am being logical and not just being dramatic or crazy.

To summarize, my relationship with my boyfriend is long distance (across the country) and we have been together for a year and a half now and have visited each other many times. He is someone who is very sociable and extroverted, while I on the other hand is more 50/50 in regards to introvert and extrovert. He has many female friends, which is fine since he just naturally gets along with everyone and I'm not the type to be controlling and tell him who he can and can't talk to.

Recently there's this girl, for the sake of privacy let's call her Jo. Jo goes to a different school where the campus is about 43 minute bus ride away. Now, apparently the two have met last year when my boyfriend moved to that city and how they actually met is beyond me. Now, my boyfriend has never mentioned his female friends by name and just says "my friend" or "a friend" because apparently he thinks I worry too much if I knew he was hanging out with girls (I don't 100% trust him yet because there were incidents in the past that has broken my trust). Now I don't really freak out or anything, but it's seems more suspicious when you seem like you have secrets to hide. Anyways, he has never mentioned Jo's name or any hang outs between them that I know of (I found out about who she is through amazing female fbi work). Now this upcoming Valentine's Day, we would not get to spend time together for obvious reasons, and we couldn't video chat because he has work. But he has also brought to my attention that his "Friend" asked him to join her and potential guy she likes for lunch ON Valentine's Day and apparently she wanted my boyfriend's approval of this mystery date. Off the bat, that sounded very strange to me as this is something girls talk to girls about and she has many of those friends. But she wanted specifically him there. In my mind, I feel like it's so inappropriate since she knows exactly who I am and she's asking him to hang out on that date just because I won't physically be there. He claims that they are good friends, but I have never heard about her and he says they don't talk really often so what the heck? Why would a girl ask a guy who she doesn't talk a lot with to tag along on this "date" if there really even is a date for her.

He also lets me use his phone a lot and I have never come across any text messages or recent phone calls with this person, yet last month she randomly called him at night to ask if he would go to her birthday party that's literally almost 3 weeks away when she could have just texted him. Either messages were deleted or they really don't talk. So to me, her actions are even more fishy. I would personally not ask a friend that I'm not that close with to go do all these things, that's just weird. He says that I'm making a big deal out of nothing and said he cancelled the lunch with her but he doesn't think it was inappropriate as it was just a "lunch hangout" and it's a typical thing to go eat with friends on any other day. But I seriously think he's missing the point.

So what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable here?

Long distance is really hard. I have had your experience a little, let me say that if you are't enjoying it, and it causes you more stress than happiness, it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do. You have things eating away at you, and thats not good. What if you two let the committed side of it go and focused on friendship?

I think you're overreacting. It is just a lunch meeting, and it does involve another man. If it were just the two of them, your boyfriend and her, on Valentines day, then I would raise an eyebrow. But this seems innocent enough.

What happened in the past that has made you not trust him?

I think it's more on the fact that I have no idea who this person is and he has never mention her, but he talks non stop about all his other friends. I also found it very strange considering they don't really talk or meet up, but yet he claims they are close enough for him to go out of his way to go to a lunch which shouldn't really involve him. He saying that she wanted him there to get his "approval" of this other guy, which I think it's quite a childish thing to do when everyone is an adult and she technically isn't even with him yet. I don't think it's a normal thing to be dragging a so called guy friend along to an event where you are trying to get to know a guy, let alone the opinion of a friend that you barely even talk to. I'm more leaning towards the sense that this "other guy" doesn't even exist and she's using that story to get my boyfriend comfortable enough with the idea to just "hang out" especially since he's just staying at home to study and then go to work that day.

I guess the trust is lacking from that fact that he withholds information from me by using the defense that he doesn't want me to worry about things that don't matter. But why make yourself seem guilty over something that is supposedly innocent. He also told me that he agreed to this lunch arrangement after he made the assumption that I was going to dinner with a male friend from college. So to me, it almost sounds like he did it to smite me and then casually dropped the bomb.

I would worry if he talked about his other female friends by name but seemed to avoid mentioning Jo. Like if tells you how he and Sara went to the mall but never says anything about Jo unless you ask, that would seem curious to me. I would also wonder about not video chatting on Valentine's.

The lunch thing sounds weird too, tbh. Maybe I just read too much into stuff too, though!

Well this week is when all his exams and assignments are due, and he has work at night on Valentine's day (we have a 3 hour difference between us) so it makes sense. I see your point about him not mentioning every female friend including Jo.

But yes, the lunch is weird. He told me he cancelled but still. To agree to it in the first place. He tells me that she is not interested in him and she is dating many people at the moment, but I think it's ridiculous to assume someone isn't interested just because she's talking to other guys while their waiting for you to become single. Also, apparently 6/7 months ago, they hung out (she was doing LDR that time too) she suggested that if both their partners were not in the same city to celebrate SPECIFICALLY Valentine's Day, that they should hang out. How disrespectful of a person can she be? And being the assumed oblivious person he is, he actually said okay and still doesn't understand why that sounds so wrong even when I explained it.