It's just a stupid video game

So my boyfriend told me to put the headset on and play this game on PS4 that is fun but I'm not super good at.... I started playing and he just yells at me about every move I make and how it's not what he would have done... just threw the headset off and the remote and told him "It's a f*cking game and it's just for fun" and he says he's yelling because he's "trying to teach me how to play the game" and I say "Why do I have to listen to you, it's a f*cking game"...... Why do I feel like the crazy one here? Also, why do I have to be able to play a stupid shooting video game good.....why can't I just have fun playing, or trying to play?

Also I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 39 just so you don't think I'm dating an 8 year old.. *eyes roll*

There seems to be something odd with your boy friend. On the other hand, I have seen men getting obsessed about video games. That is not an uncommon behavior.
Does he react this way in other situations?

That's actually a common attitude that I've seen at least in Youtube comments (before I installed an extension to hide them, but that's beside the point). The argument was that persistence and mastery builds character, and that, essentially, everything you do you should do well or not do at all... On the one hand it's possible to see the idealistic virtue of this argument, on the other hand it is, in fact, just a video game, and also the world is a little bit more complicated than to allow the neat division into things we master and don't do at all.

You feel crazy because he's making you feel overwhelmed

Oh, I believe that happens a lot with videogames.. although you're right, you're free to play however you like. Does he act this way with videogames only or with other stuff as well?

Yeah those video games are totally not for me I wouldn’t have even tried in the first place lol

I really wish there were more games like Brightridge for iPad where there's no fighting and you can just freely explore an open world like you are going on a holiday somewhere strange. I don't have fast reactions and don't like fighting and too many games I die within 5 seconds and just get fed up with them.

I despise this attitude with games. I am a gamer, so is my fella, despite the fact I have probably been gaming longer than him, given I am older, he still does this...not to the extreme u describe, but still backseat driving.
I, like u will not play something if I don’t enjoy it, I also log off before I get to the point of rage quitting. There is nothing more likely to make u screw up than having someone breathing down your neck.
He is also forgetting not everyone plays the same style. Some people are forward or aggressive players. Some a stand back and support players, you need both to run an effective game.
Anyway, my sympathies. Hope it doesnt put u off entirely.

Thanks, everyone...I enjoy playing video games a lot myself. I'm just not as good at them as he is... He gets so angry if I do something that he wouldn't do...Also, he gets that way with other things too like the way that I drive.

This doesn't sound good. He should be able to patiently teach you how to do one of his hobbies, whatever it is. And he should be able to accept that you don't like it anywhere near as much as he does.

As for learning how to play a difficult video games. There are two ways to do it. You can either deliberately practice the proper way to play, probably not enjoying yourself, but learning the most the quickest. Or you can just play the way you like to play the most. But I feel this is kind of besides the point, though I guess that is kind of what ArcheM and Erebor hint at. It would have if instead of yelling he would calmly tell you what do did wrong, every time you made a mistake. That can also be annoying. I have played games with friends and they are trying hard to be helpful for me to become a better player while I don't like the game but just like to spend some time playing a game with a friend.

The fact that he is 39 also doesn't help. If he was 21 then one could have said "Oh he is acting out his former 17 year old self, he will grow over that within a year or so."

I would look if this behavior of his extends to other areas of life.

Yeah I would be upset too if my boyfriend started yelling at and belittling me. It IS just a game. That sounds very immature.

I am sorry your bf is being immature. I don't know but maybe the age difference makes it worse, not that that is an excuse. The people who are saying "that's normal behavior for gamers," I do not get it and thats also not an excuse.

Yelling at someone like that is wrong no matter what reasons he wants to spin.

I'm not sure if I've given this impression, but for me "normal" means "average, widespread", not "healthy" or something... Although I actually don't know if it's really normal, or it's just a vocal minority that I'm familiar with... On the other hand, even if I don't backseat-game, often watching game videos makes me kind of sick when I'm interested in playing the game and the person isn't playing the way I think the game should be played. Of course, I just turn the video off.

It's also been a learning process for me to remove from my life video games that could negatively influence my relationship with people, such as yelling when I get upset.

I mean, take that as you want. Video games are at this point scientifically designed to pull at those strings - possessiveness, perfectionism, etc. I don't think it's at all surprising that unpleasant behavior would be widespread.

Of course, it's a different matter if one is able to identify these tendencies in oneself and confront them.

Hey ArcheM, I'd only skimmed the first page and thought there were more people who had said that than just you but I guess not. Wasn't trying to single you out.

Hmm, I don't really know if he acts that way in other areas...

On page 1 you said he acts that way when you drive.

Me and my friends used to do this to each other way back in the 80's because even then, when you have played a game a lot and gotten good at it you tend to forget how badly you sucked when you first started and then, when someone new comes along and makes mistakes while you watch you can't help but, start making remarks and trying to give out tips and sometimes you just feel like pulling your hair out because it seems so simple and easy to you and you wonder why they can't just automatically learn it quickly and so you get riled up.
If you make it clear to him that he is over-reacting and ask him how well he played when he was a beginner then, he may actually close his mouth. Also you could practice by yourself when he isn't around and once you've gotten really good you can go head to head with him and whoop his ***.

EDIT: I didn't see the part where you said that he does the same thing to you over how you drive.
That doesn't sound good to me. Does he ever seem critical of you in any other ways and is he at all temperamental?

You need to convince him to reframe it. Have you tried asking him calmly (when he's not gaming), "Hey, next time I play, how about encouragement?"

My immediate reaction would be not to tear you down, but build you up. "Ooooh! So close! You'll get it next time!" or "I saw it. Game totally cheated you out of that." I think this is something he should be practicing every time. It changes the dynamic and brings the focus back to where it belongs: on fun.

Thanks guys, and yes he's critical in other ways... He tells me when I'm not playing a game right, driving right, doing anything right... he tells me when I look fat and he tries to control my diet...for example he will say I can't have a pop at lunch, only at dinner.. When we go to the gym he tells me that I'm not working hard enough and tries to push me until I feel I'm going to throw up..which is good but at the same time I don't know if it's right...

I mean, it's good if he's your mother... Do you have a similar level of control in any areas in his life?

Also I don't know what exercising until you want to throw up is supposed to be good for. From my understanding, not for weight loss, not for fitness...

Sounds like he's putting too much stock in 'succeeding' in video games that are designed to be beaten by humans.

What's the game?

This is not good. If he was right and if he was your mother, maybe it would be good. But he your boyfriend and he is wrong.

He is supposed to make you stronger. If there is actually something wrong with the way you eat and he is concerned, he does something that helps you eat healthier. We always want to try to eat healthier. So if we have a partner that somehow makes it more fun for us to eat healthier, that is good. But it shouldn't be about pressuring or shaming someone into being more healthy.

None of this is at all ok. Instead of trying to understand if the particulars are " right ", know that the problem is he's a controlling A-hole.