Husbands & porn

Honestly, I’m not sure it’s a male or female issue, although women do seem to be degraded in so much porn so that could be why women might seem to like it less.

I was just pointing out using the word porn in those other ways tends to desensitize pornography.

And what is wrong with desensitizing it?

Maybe I should try watching it again? I haven't in at least three years.

I am not "pro-porn" but if you are not having sex with your husband regularly he will watch it or get it elsewhere. Trust me, I have chatted with LOTS of married men and from what I see and hear I would have to say at least 60 percent of married men are actually cheating. If you are a woman and not having sex with your husband they ARE getting it elsewhere. if not actually getting it, they are chatting, sexting, etc with others!!
And once a week is not enough!

Married men who cheat, say all kinds of **** when they want to justify what they do. Once a week is enough for any person, female or male, who says it is for them. D-I-V-O-R-C-E, is not just a bad song, but also something a person needs to do instead of what harms another. Figure it out or move along and stop with the, ' but I haaaaave to do this because they aren't giiiiiiving me xyz '.

I'm rather offended right now, but letting it go after the following words:
I didn't even get so much as a hug for almost two full years while married and NEVER cheated in any form. All men aren't like that. If I make a commitment to you, you'd better believe it. She violated that commitment with abuse, which I suffered through silently until I finally broke down in every way possible and divorced her. I never once even considered cheating. All men aren't like those men. I do hold that I kept integrity throughout. I didn't even consider looking until I knew it was finalized legally.

Why should we desensitize to it? It’s not like it’s nothing at all, like just pictures of food or decorated houses. It’s not like you walk down the street and see people screwing or pleasuring themselves...just because a screen is involved it doesn’t change absolutely everything... does it? Is it really regular entertainment to watch people doing it?

Our culture is very sex oriented. And, some people do see other people having sex all the time, though they aren't the norm.

So many strange strange things are said about men in general, I do not know where to start.

Sex is mainstream now. Gone are the days where it was taboo to discuss it. Porn is just an evolution of this. There has been a sexual revolution and now we are free to discuss and explore, not shame and hide away.

my husband watches porn. i watch porn. sometimes we watch together. my husband also reads robot porn haha. sometimes you just want to be alone with yourself or the other person isn't feeling it or is asleep.

Have you asked him what he gets out of it that he doesn’t get with you? Is it that he just wants variety in partners and is bored with monogamy? Is there some sexual thing he is watching in the porn that he doesn’t do with you?

What’s wrong with desensitizing is that you’re going to lose what made porn exciting to you in the first place. I don’t have a problem with porn myself, though what the OP describes isn’t truly about being pro- or anti-porn, and it sucks that her thread got derailed by this debate. However, I prefer to have boundaries when I watch it: when, with whom, and what because I don’t want to become desensitized because do we really want an aspect of sexuality to be something we allow ourselves to become desensitized to?

Back to the OPs original issue. I am not married. However, I agree with other comments stating that if he’s willing to lie and rationalize it, asking and cajoling isn’t going to induce him to stop. Is there another way to approach it? Is there something he wants to try in bed? (Note: I’m not saying ignore the porn problem, or that you not doing something in bed is the problem) I do also agree with others that it may have to come down to stating to him that this is a dealbreaker if it is, indeed, a dealbreaker.

Can you PM me the titles?

This post has gone so far away from the OP's original post that it seems inappropriate and disrespectful to the OP.

He may have an addiction to pornography. Consider consulting an Addiction Psychiatrist or Addiction Specialist if this matter does not resolve.

The symptoms and consequences of pornographic addiction is actually similar to drug addiction because it activates the same neural pathways.

He may have withdrawal symptoms if it is severe.

Here's an interesting read:

"Married Men Who Watch Porn Are Less Likely To Cheat, New Survey Shows, Plus More Ways It Affects Your Relationship"

https://www.bustle.com/articles/9590...plus-more-ways

To me though, it's not about the fact that he is watching porn, but about the fact that you're really upset by it and he ignores that. That's the underlying issue.

Your post has holes in it.

First of all, once a week is enough for some couples. There are a number of reasons why it is.

Secondly, it's not only a fair percentage of men who cheat; plenty of women cheat, too. Especially if they feel they're not getting enough validation, attention, or sexual intimacy from their husbands...and feel as if they're taken for granted. I can attest to this; I was one of those women. In fact, not only did I have affairs, I had a number of them. My husband never had affairs, nor did he watch porn.

I fully believe that the main issue with your husband, Lady411, is that he's not giving you the respect of listening to your very deep feelings of objection about what he's doing.

I hope the OP comes back or starts a new thread where people can stay on track with support for her in the situation.

So many threads get derailed lately, Shame.

I think (and I'm thinking of the above post by *Laurie* in here, too) that it boils down to this and communication. If once a week is fine for both parties involved, hey, great! And so then why is porn even being brought into the relationship. If one person needs it more often, specifically a lot more often, then there is obviously a need that isn't being met. And I think that needs to be discussed.

I agree, Christina. I can understand that there are a lot of people who have their own issues at the forefront of their minds; I'm certainly not one to condemn as I can be pretty darn self-centered sometimes! But I have left PC for months at a time simply because it is hard to feel supported when threads get derailed both in this way, and when people just start dogging on the OP (or someone else in the thread) and bringing them down. Not that this is the issue here, but you know what I mean.

Where did you get that statistics? 60%? Did you research it scientifically? The kind of men you choose to talk to don’t represent entire male population

Honestly this thread has nothing to do with your experiences with married men. OP’s issue has nothing to do with what you are saying at all.

I've noticed threads getting derailed a lot too, lately. I do think that one reason for that is precisely because the OP doesn't return to the thread to comment and keep the thread on track. Just an observation of mine.

From personal experienced of past relationships, I used porn when my partner didn't want to do anything, her sex drive was lower than mine and I had uncontrollable urges. No means no, and built up sex drive is really maddening, it does not let you focus on anything and drains your willpower dry. If not I may have cheated tbh.