Sunday

I went to the early service this morning because of the whole time change thing. After that I taught some Sunday school, with my wife. Then went to the late service, with my wife. I am trying my hardest in hopes that she will see me with fresh eyes and not the ones that I hurt her with. While I was sitting in church, I rubbed her neck and held her hand. I have honestly felt a change in myself, I am not nearly as selfish, depressed or angry as I used to be. I just really hope that she sees it, it really bothers me that I put her through so much during these past 8 years. I love her more than anything and I try to communicate in the best way that I know how. I know that she loves me, and I know that she misses me. But I have cried wolf (I am better) too many times and she is scared that I am going to go back to the way I used to be. Honestly I am too because if I do it means that I lose her forever, I don't want that. I know she is scared and I have asked her to look at me with fresh eyes, to see if I have really changed. I just love her so much. Thank you.

Dragon,

Ask yourself that you are tired enough to make that change for you not the wife ... your previous attempts failed because u changed for what u thought would save the marriage ....

Now our Father has made u humbled and u see now that the change is needed for you not wife ....

Cry out to Jesus my friend he will never forsake you his promises are never broken ... stand on the word of our Father in Heaven and know nothing is never impossibke


dave

Dragon, change is a process, you have not "changed" forever, are done, a "new" man. You will "backslide" and have difficulties. You have to relax and just be "yourself" rather than trying so hard to prove anything to anyone, including your wife. Only as you are comfortable with yourself can others trust to get close enough. Focusing on others (holding her hand, rubbing her neck, etc. in church) can make others a bit nervous because you are focusing on them, not on you and what you are getting in the moment. Discuss the sermon and what you learned from it and ask her about her experience; talk about so-and-so in your Sunday School class and your joint experience with them/their question or action, etc.

You have to learn to be self-ish in a different way! Instead of getting from others, which is the "wrong" kind of selfishness, you have to learn to give to yourself (instead of expecting others to give to you) and be yourself. Your experience is all you have! That is what makes up your life. No one else can experience for you or give you their experiences or "get" experience from you. Just like you can't "tell" people how much you have changed, you can't show your change by doing things for or to others. You have to get your own emotional life that attracts your wife and let her come to you slowly. From what you describe, I feel like you are chasing after her too much. You should be attracting her, not chasing her. But the accent should not be on her at all. She is a bee, you have to make yourself some honey, not just buzz around her like another bee :-)