Did I ask him on a date?

So I go to a support group. The facilitator is a volunteer. I've known him since he was just a group member before he became a facilitator. Today in group he mentioned that he liked to get outdoors this time of year, hike and stuff.

Okay, I've kinda had a little crush on him for awhile. Nothing big, just happened to notice him in group, think he's kinda cute, in a geeky way, then let it go.

Tonight after group I asked him where he likes to hike, and he mentioned a few trails, one that I like to bike on. I asked him if he ever bikes it. And then asked him if he wanted to join me when I go bike it as I'm always looking for company. He said sure and said to text him, and gave me his number.

Not sure I did this correctly. I mean, I'm fine with just hanging out and getting to know him. I'm not expecting anything. But did I just ask him out like on a date?

I'm not sure how to develop relationships. My ex-fiancee and I met online so it was a totally different kind of courtship. All my ex-boyfriends asked me out and it was much more obvious and, well, sex happened pretty early on so it was pretty obvious.

Someone explain to me how this works now. I'm really out of the loop when it comes to IRL relationships.

Thanks,
Seesaw

That’s exciting seesaw!
I think it’s a great opportunity to get to know each other outside of the group. I definitely think you will get a feel for whether it’s a date or casual hang out, as the event occurs. As your riding and talking, you may or may not feel a chemistry, and that could lead to the next ‘date’.
In my experience, the best friendship turns into the greatest love experience. Getting to know one another is a healthy start to anything further.
Have fun!
Sans

I know I am probably one of the last individuals to provide opinion on this but I guess you didn’t mean to but may be he took it as if you asked him out on a date? What was his body language? His facial expression? Smiling, frowning, was he charming, tense,etc?
At this moment, all I can think of is that it doesn’t matter if you actually asked him out on a date because it seems like you have a date regardless I guess you will know the answer of this question by the way he treats you on the actual day.
May be to take the pressure of, we call it a biking appointment with a friend

Honestly he seemed kind of confused. But he took me up on my offer pretty readily. Yeah< I'm not sure it matters what it is. Just not sure what he thinks it is.

Maybe if you think of it more as a meet up for two people instead of as a date you can relax a bit and enjoy yourself more?

Well, I'm not nervous. I just don't know the "rules' so to speak.

I would think of it more as an opportunity to learn more about each other, than as a date. I don't think he is taking it too seriously yet (since he didn't specifically ask whether it was a date or not) and you shouldn't either. It'll be a good time to learn more about each other and see if there is any compatibility, and you should get an idea of where things are headed during your time together.

I think that since you mention wondering what he thinks/how he perceives this, to me I wonder if you are concerned about your own personal boundaries? And since past relationships have moved rather quickly as you mentioned that fear enters the equation in the sense of what if there's too much intensity?? I could be off in which word to use.

Um, not so much personal boundaries. I was fine with how fast those relationships moved. But now I want to get to know someone more before I get into any kind of commitment. I dunno maybe there is fear? I dunno what I'm trying to say.

My H and I were great friends before we'd pursued a romantic relationship. We have a very solid marriage and are each other's best friend.

Maybe pursue a friendship until you get to know more about him and more about how you both get along?

I hope this works out for you if you would like it to work out!


WC

Good for you approaching him. Don’t worry about if it’s a date or not. There are no rules how things need to be done. There are some patterns though that you might be able to recognize.

If you meet up and have fun biking and then he says he’d like to do it again or meet for a bite or whatever and then he calls/texts asking to meet up, then you’ll know he is interested. If at the end of biking he says bye bye have a good week see at next support group sessionthen you’ll know he might not be interested. But then it just meant you had a good time biking, nothing wrong with that. So it could go both ways.

Typically men asked me out but I did ask men out few times. One time I asked a man out and we actually dated over a year but then it was more of friends with benefits (some things were lacking between us in romance department). then we remained good friends and actually still keep in touch, we are both married now. In fact he called recently asking how my mom was (he is a doctor and knows she is battling cancer). And we’ve met almost 20 years ago.

It was rather funny how I asked him, I wrote him a note. Ha ha like a girl. We worked in the same facility but both were leaving the place soon. He was also interested but wasn’t sure as I was older and had a kid and he was a medical student, very busy.

So point of my story is that you never know what could come out of it. Could be biking companion, romance, good friends, or nothing. Pretty much you have nothing to lose. So text a guy when you decide to bike and go from there. Good luck

So, okay, here's my fear, I guess...In my past relationships, I felt like I didn't have a right to my feelings. So I guess I'm afraid that I'm afraid that I'll expect him to behave a certain way and then be invalidated for having those expectations. And I'm not talking about absurd expectations. I'm talking about the expectation that he be honest and forthright with me, that he not lie, and not lead me on.

If y'all recall I was seeing a guy in the fall and he kept it under wraps that he had this on and off relationship with a woman until like our 3rd date or so, but seemed to think I wouldn't mind being his "runner-up" when he wasn't with her. When I found that out I never spoke to him again. And I was very angry that he hadn't been honest with me. He had mentioned her as just a friend in the past but completely left out that they were romantically involved.

And I guess I have a history of getting involved with men who can't simply be direct and honest. And I don't mean in a minor way, but in a major, deceptive way.

I am totally fine with just making a friend. I am sort of interested, I do think he's a nice person, but I don't really know him yet, and if we just end up being buddies who hang out and do stuff for fun and that's it, I am TOTALLY cool with that. I'm open to any kind of human relationship right now.

Seesaw

I think don't over analyze it. you did something that may not seem normal to yourself but is typical. people ask to hang out with each other and only you can answer if you think it's a date. Because the only difference between hanging out as friends and going on a hangout date is the intention. If you were just thinking it would be cool to join him on biking and that's the idea you acted on, the fact you find him cute doesn't really matter so much.

I think most of us think to long and hard on these kinds of things and the supposed "rules" of relationships. don't.

Enjoy the ride and hopefully new friendship! see where that takes you but enjoy the ride no matter what.

congratulations on doing this in spite of being human and clueless on all the ins and outs of relationships and/or dating.

Okay, so I can't believe I haven't really been obsessing about this all week, but it's Friday, so if I want to invite him on a bike ride or hike on Sunday, guess I should text him today and see if he's interested.

*Fingers crossed*

Good luck!

I am jumping up and down for you in excitement. Opps, I think I might have hit my head to the ceiling.
Let me know if you want to tiny chat to choose some outfits

OMG, fashion show! But...it's a bike ride, so...not that worried about outfits. I have a pair of shorts that are comfortable, and I just need to choose a top.

I dunno, I guess I should try to be pretty for him, but I'm kind of like: take me as I am...

I don't have much to work with right now, anyhow!

Seesaw

Can't wait to hear all about it!

Let us know!!

I had to chuckle about wearing shorts. We still had snow on Wednesday night. Lol

I texted him that it was supposed to rain tomorrow morning so I'm foregoing my bike ride, but asked if he wanted to hang out otherwise. He said he can't, but thanks for the invitation.

Didn't suggest another day/time. Didn't give a reason. Feeling like that's a hard no.

Kinda feeling like crap. No offense to him, but he's cute, but not like the hottest guy in the world. If I can't even get a coffee with him, I must really have sunk to a new low. And now I'm feeling it.

Seesaw

Seesaw
You have not sunk to a new low; you have not sunk at all. In fact, you are thriving! Although, I understand why you would feel that way.... I would have felt the same way as being rejected is not a delightful experience. And, not sure if you do feel this way, but I would have also felt discouraged and hurt because the lack of romantic love does not hurt until I am reminded that I want it; and having a crush on someone is a poking reminder in the heart.
Although, we both know that there might be several reasons behind his ‘no’ and it may have nothing to do with you.
I still think that it is amazing that you initiated friendship.

Yeah. I just see others going through men like they're changing clothes. And I can't even get a damn coffee date.

There could be 100 reasons why somebody wouldn’t hang out. It absolutely doesn’t have to be personal. He could be already dating someone (but he is private about it), he isn’t into dating at the moment, he is busy with others things at the moment, he doesn’t want to hang out with group members because it might be awkward in a group (kind of like dating at work or school). None of those reasons are personal reflections on you or indications of you sunking low.

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about women who go from man to a man. Some do it because they have low standards in men and would go on a date with anyone who asked, and would jump into bed with whoever asked and they fall in love with them all. It’s by no means indication of them being superior to you at all. Most certainly not at all

Hi Seesaw, I'm going to say something to you that a friend told me when someone (quite undeserving of me, but still..) rejected me: "It's too bad he couldn't receive you." You have a lot going for you Seesaw, and you're a great person. It's normal to be sad in the face of this kind of stuff. But it is too bad he couldn't receive you. Like Divine said, there could be many reasons that he was not interested. I bet whatever the reason, it had nothing to do with you. Perhaps he is undeserving of you too.