How's that working out for you?

So I had a blow up at work a few years ago... basically I was happy to cut loose a lot of people who didn't meet stringent standards for my friendship. I also have been reluctant to be all in with new people because I don't want to get too close. I cut everyone from facebook...

And I have to say, it has been a total dud.

New people are hurt and annoyed I won't do things with them, knowing nothing about my background.

Old people remain influential and the fact that I am not with them makes me less influential.

People think I have zero friends and am weird because I have no facebook friends.

I am only hurting myself. But the thing is.. I am incapable of being "friends" with someone and not believing they are my friend. If I let myself be friends with these people and open back up to them.. I am sure they will take advantage and I probably will be get hurt... but there is no way for me to open myself up and not have it be all the way.

I see no other way out though?

Should I forgive and forget?

I think forgiveness is important, but as far as letting people back into your life, it sort of depends on the situation. There isn't enough information for me to speak on that.

I feel like people put far too much stock in Facebook and social media. I have recently deleted all of my social media because I realized that it has been a source of more harm than good in my life. If people are upset that you deleted them from Facebook, that is fairly shallow and something they'll have to get over. You're under no obligation to add people to social media if you don't want to.

I think it's important, when dealing with other people, to listen to your intuition. Does being around a certain person make you feel good? If not, then it's okay not to let them into your life. Of course we don't want to be closed off, but at the same time, you don't owe anyone your friendship.

Ahh I can't listen to my intuition. I am a loner and avoidant. If I listened to that I would never leave the house and probably would give Ebeneser Scrooge a run for his money in social relations.

But my gut is telling me I am hurting myself by being as they say "butt-hurt" about what has happened in the past.

Yes the past emotional wounds which haven't been resolved/healed (yet) are very likely to be shaping and influencing how you are experiencing the present.

Do you feel like you are actively trying to 'protect' yourself from a reoccurrence of what has already transpired in the past? To prevent yourself from experiencing similar hurting again?

Trust your gut...

Is there a reason for this? Are you able to learn emotional regulation & better skills for interpersonal effectiveness?

The thing is that it is ok to have friends at all different levels of interfacing with us. Not every friend has to be a close one....but they can still be friends closer to the acqusintance level yet still friends.....not all friendships are created equal & that is OK.