Played like a fiddle

So last year I was just browsing a dating site....just having fun, life was great, all was well.... everything was in place and perfect. Then she sends me a message..... of course she is gorgeous, very attractive, 7 years my senior. Although.... no job, no vehicle, a three year old, living at her parents. Hmmmmm......

Apparently recently divorced from a crack head that smoked away literally everything they had. So there were many many late night phone calls that went on for hours and hours. I finally meet her in person, she is very pretty and attractive. I have a past with drug/alcohol abuse, the first thing she does is offer me adderall. Red flags everywhere, thrown from one end of the room to the next. We hang out a little that night and I even drink after being abstinent for about 4 months. We had fun. So the phone conversations continue, being she had no transportation and a two year old at that time, it was mostly phone conversations that would go on until daylight.

Anyway, I end up falling for the girl......intuition in my gut telling me no, the whole time.I ignore like a typical person with susbstance abuse issues throughout life. She gets pregnant within two months, she decides to terminate, I left it up to her and told her I would support her either way although I was excited and wanted to go through the pregnancy.

Fast forward, one of the very first things I tell her about me is I can work through anything with you as long as you are honest and fatihful. IF you can do those two things we can get through anything. Soon i started catching little lies here and there, she guarded her phone like it was the Presidents top secret nuclear codes or something.

Gut - intuition told me everything. When there was an argument and I would try to leave she would guilt trip saying I promised to never leave her and her daughter. Manipulation to the core.

So we move in together, by this time I am being eaten hop inside so bad because I know there are lie and things being hidden from me. She wouldn’t even bring her computer to our house. I even asked her if If she would get it so I could use it for a work here and there, she refused.

Arguments started happening, rage was coming out of me because I knew I was being lied to and things were being hidden and every time I tried to confront she would act stupid and change the subject in such a manipulative way, it was crazy. I would leave and buy alcohol just to calm me a bit. Mind you a two almost three year old is witnessing all of this.

Eventually I was able to make her leave. She has a phone on my plan that I bought her, iPhone, so not inexpensive. I asked for it back, she would never give it back so I filed an insurance claim and had the phone replaced. I had to break into my own phone in order to sale it. Holy ***** at what I found in that phone she guiardes so closely. I am 43 years old and I have never been so betrayed and dealt with such dishonesty in my life. Of course it was would crushing and the truth started coming outl. Mind you a year goes by and I always felt as I never really meant anything to this woman. She never came to visit unless she was getting something whether it be a meal or fuel for a vehicle I had purchased for her. Other than that it was like pulling teeth to get her to visit.

Anyway, turns out the truth was she was still in love with her ex that emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, and any other way that can be done abused her. Made her allow him to put things in her she didn’t want, made her have sex with people outside their marriage, I mean just the sickest of sick abuse you could imagine. Really messed messed her mind up.

I think I am finally getting some relief and on the other side of it. She is just as a rotten individual as I have ever come across and I have know some not very good people at all.

Not certain why I had the urge to type all of this however I did find this site while looking for relief of the pain from what I had experienced.

Oh...... forgot to mention that life went from perfect to just a mess and picking up pieces of things that were destroyed throughout this relationship such as esteem, confidence, self awareness, personal relationships, my career has been affected. This kind of stuff touches every aspect of life. I am far from a doctor however she has posted on FB that she suffers from CPSTD and it is sometimes masked by NPD. It’s like whatever, your a cuckoo bird and you are going to have a miserable life and I feel for angry man that so much as even likes you enough to try and date you.

Sorry you had this experience with all the crap. You don't need that. I'm going to keep this in mind, as a cautionary tale. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for what you are going through. You will persevere. I promise.
This was a good life lesson.... Romantic love aint mean a thing if it doesn’t accompanied with trust and loyalty.
Please do not communicate with her, ever; and please do not let her use you, ever. You sound like a wonderful person who loves and respects the concept of love.
Welcome to PC.

Massive respect for sharing that story hun. As an addict I can relate on many levels.
It sucks that you went through this but I appreciate the reminder not to ignore the red flags and gut instincts.
Appreciate it man.

That is horrible. You got burned. You didn't deserve that. It is good that you are out of it and on the other side. She is royally messed up.

Nothing wrong with your intuition. Next time if you see a flag and it is red.... run. Hope you can have more positive relationship next time.

So sorry for this pain. I am sure you’ll move on and do well. So glad you didn’t stay with her. I worry about young child in this story. Horrid. She offered you aderal on the first date? She might be a dealer too. Who does that???? Good riddance

I hope my reply helps you find some closure to this incident in your life. If I read what you wrote correctly, you dated a 50 year old woman with a 2 year old child. The woman is a drug addict and she conned you financially. What might help you achieve some closure is to call your insurance company and tell them that the iPhone was not stolen, but a gift you made to this woman. Let the insurance company decide how they want to proceed. Then you might consider contacting the dating website and telling them what you experienced. And lastly and most importantly, you can call your local county childrens social service agency and say you question the safety of a 2 almost 3 year old child with someone who is abusing drugs and exposing the child to men who might not be safe for the child to be around (I don't mean you; this con artist was and is probably working several men all at the same time.)

She is 50 with a 2-year-old? Is it even her child? The whole story is fishy

I agree. However, assuming he actually saw this child (and the woman didn't make up a story about being a mother); she does not seem a safe guardian and that situation should be reported to the appropriate people for investigation, IMHO. This would help the OP feel better about what happened to him, I think.

No...... misunderstanding, she is 36 now with a 3 yr old

The story is true from my perspective. She is 36 with a three year old. I could report to DHR however the child is not in any real physical danger as the woman lives with her parents who by the way mostly raises the child. I have friend that was a family court sitting judge no too long ago and there really is no point in reporting to child services as all her medications are prescribed, somehow this surpasses any illegality, and being that she lives with her parents there really isn’t much I can do but move on.

And would you believe I went to walgreens earlier to pick up a prescription and who is it that I see? Yup, this woman and her three year old. I walked past as the woman’s back was to me and I dont think she saw me however once I knew who it was I turned around and said, ”Is that Madison?” The little girl looked up with a big smile and I said hi Madison, she says hi back. Then I say bye. The woman turned and looked at me with a forced smile of course. She may have known I was in the store all along and trying to avoid me.

Anyway, just bizarre. We live in a small town and I am sure to run into her here and there. One my lease is up I am moving to the other side of the city. Far away from the chance of us running into each other exists.

I didn’t t even mention the relationship before this one. I am not a doctor by nay means however after research and research and even talking to an ex of hers, she was a sociopath. Or at least exhibited many of the characteristics of a sociopath. I dont remember If I mentioned me being a part of AA or not however since me and the sociopath have ended our relationship about 6 months before meeting the woman whom is the subject of this thread. I have seen her go through..... this is off the top of my head, another three or four men since Oct. 2016. Sociopaths are so intriguing to me as the way they operate and prey upon their victims. It is so wild. Anyway, I would not necessarily say the woman who is the subject of the thread is sociopath however she does have many symptoms of NPD.

Point being, something is up with me that continues to draw me to these women and ignore those intuitions and gut feelings. I have never heard anyone say they had a gut feeling about something and it was wrong. I do believe there is something larger than human life that is within all of us...... sort of like the old tom and jerry cartons where Tom would have the angel on one shoulder and Ruth devil on the other shoulder, each trying to convince him of whatever debauchery he was into.

The reason several of us thought she is 50 because you said she is 7 years senior which means she is older than you by 7 years

Why was it blizzare that she was at the store? I’d say it’s expected in a small town

Yea...... I get those terms mixed up. I’m 7 years her senior. Sorry for the confusion.

Bizarre because she has no transportation an lives to isolate from the world. You do have a point however as the only places I have ever known her to get out to would be the drug store for prescriptions and/or Walmart for whatever. I think about it and over a year period there may have been 2 other places she may have gotten out to unless I accompanied her. Anyway....... I’m just glad to be on the other side of the emotional roller coaster that comes from a relationship dissolving. Those first few weeks or months are tough when you care about someone and have made future plans and all of a sudden all of it wiped out. So, I am glad to be on the other side of that. Waking up and immediately she pops in my head.... that’s gone. I don’t have to depend on work to keep my mind distracted as much. You guys know what I mean...... we have all went through romantic relationship break ups.

It's not learning from experience that your gut feelings & intuituon need to be placed first in your prioruties to listen to.

I saw red flags before my wedding at age 21. Between talking with my mom & doing my own rationalizing away of those red flags I went ahead & got married. Stayed in a miserable relationship for 33 years & finally got out because those red flags grew into volcanoes by the end. Yiu can bettcha that if I ever were to get interested in someone any red flags or intuition WILL BE LISTENED TO. It actually takes mindfulness to listen to those things instead of just ALLOWING our emotional to take over. Mindfulness is listening to both logical mind & emotional mind & seeing the big picture before making any decisions one way or the other.....think it may serve you well to learn this skill.

You now know that you need to listen to your gut feelings.

There is a site called 'Ten Warning Signs That You are Dating a Sociopath.' You might want to print that out and tape it to the fridge.

Glad to hear you are recovering. Not everyone survives.

This made me laugh! i believe I will do this. Thanks, pretty funny!