[Abacaxi]

Hi im braziian and i had a relationship with overt narc for about 1 year ! He is mexican and i moved there ! He cheated on me he was going to marry but when i was there everything turned around and he started his cruel game ! I maneged get out from him about 1 month ago im back to Brazil and its is a week he stooped hoovering me and im feeling bad ! I miss him ! Its like an abstinence! But in the other hand i know i cannot go back to him ! And that feeling of not being going back and neither being able to move foward and have a normal day its kiling me! Its like im freezed in a non real space ! I dont want to do anything ! Eat! Go out! Talk ! Im isolating myself and dont know what to do ! Help pkeas

[Skeezyks]

Hello Abacaxi: I see this is your first post, here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I'm afraid there's probably not a lot I can suggest here with regard to your particular concerns beyond perhaps seeing a counselor or mental health therapist with whom you can process what you have experienced & how you're feeling about it now..

I guess I'm assuming when you use the term "narc" you're referring to a person who you believe to be a narcissist. (The term "narc" is frequently used here in the U.S. to refer to a drug dealer.) So on the assumption that you're referring to a person you consider to be a narcissist, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to recover from a relationship with one:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do...-a-narcissist/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...-relationship/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...-relationship/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...otional-abuse/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recov...ssistic-abuse/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/recover...ng-no-contact/

My best wishes to you...

I'm sorry for your pain. Missing him will lessen as time goes on. What always helps me is to write down all the negatives about the person and why it needs to end. All the specific things he did that were mean, wrong and/or abusive. When looking at that list of negatives, it helps ease the pains of missing the person. This too shall pass! HUGS.

[crushed_soul]

As a fellow victim of (probable) narcissistic abuse, I empathize tremendously and ask for you to stay strong. After countless research, analyzing, reflecting, attempts to learn, understand, heal and so on, I will say that narcissism, how the behaviors of narcissism are expressed, narcissistic abuse and more interconnected topics and aspects are most complex, complicated and subjective. Even people, who work as professionals in professions that focus on such aforesaid subjects, disagree, edit their theories and so on because in general, narcissism is not well understood, subjective and (seemingly) extremely complex.

I am thinking of how to be more helpful to you, Abacaxi. I apologize that I am not too helpful in this post.

If you possess the strength and will, please, try to find out if you are suffering at all due to a trauma bond. This is when the brain is literally addicted to the person (e.g. narcissistic abuser) as chemicals in your brain depend on the intermittent reinforcement of abuse.

You could also consult a professional such a therapist, but please, keep in mind that you will need to be careful in finding a person, who is well equipped, knowledgeable, trained and so on to try to assist you. In general, friends, family members and others might not understand, might not care and so on.

Another option is to try to learn about relevant topics as previously mentioned in order to process the past, present, your perspectives, his perspectives, your behavior, his behavior, your emotions, how he affects, you and much, much more. The complexity of a relationship with someone, who is of NDP, should not be understated.

Ultimately, you are the one, who decides what to do (and not do) from here and how to be (and not be) from here. I am not going to tell you if you should or should not contact him because that is your decision and there are possibly multiple factors for the decision of contacting him or not.

It's one scenario to miss someone because the person loves the other. It's another scenario to miss someone because the person is addicted to the other. It's an even different scenario to miss someone because the person loves the other, is addicted to him/her (and other possibilities.) I think that you probably understand where I am going in my train of thought.


I am sorry that I am not of much help.