[eclairparty98]

Helloo,

so there's a guy I went on a few dates with. All seemed to be going okay. But I decided we should stay friends because he wasn't supportive of my anxiety at all and I'm really not sure a romantic relationship with a man like that would benefit me at all. So that's all good, bullet dodged.

Anyway, since being "friends" I've had a horrible conflicted feeling - did I mess up? Should I have given him a chance? He used to like me SO maybe now that he thinks I'm not intetested in a relationship, he's not gonna bother investing anything in me at all, even if there is the opportunity that our apparent friendship could grow into something more.

The problem - On whatsapp, it shows you when someone was last online and when someone read your message. There were two messages left unread from a conversation last night around 11 pm. He's been online throughout today but hasn't once checked my messages - so he's totally ignoring me?? They were questions too so they generally expect answers.

the solution?? We used to text all the time when he thought I liked him. Now since I broke it off its been very weird. I'm thinking about asking him something like: I was gonna message you earlier about meeting up but saw you'd been online and hadn't replied to me - we definitely do not talk as much. Is this because I said we should just be friends? Things were different before that conversation.

What do you all think?? I really want answers from him. If he doesn't care to talk to me I'd rather end contact with him all together than dwell on the what ifs.

[downandlonely]

I'm not really the person to ask, because I don't really have any experience in relationships, but I think that message sounds good because it's direct. I personally prefer directness.

[SorryShaped]

He'll probably appreciate it much more if you write him a genuine letter/msg, and convey what you're dealing with here.
It could be the anxiety scared him. It does me and those around me

So, it sounds to me like a natural thing for someone to hold another at arms length if they liked someone, and that person said "let's just be friends." So my guess is, yes, thats what he's doing. Moving on. You could always ask him, and then find your answer, though.

It sounds like you doubt yourself a LOT. I can relate. But if someone wasn't supportive of you and your anxiety, that to me sounds like you made the right decision about him and breaking it off. It might benefit you to talk about this in therapy, too (if you're in therapy).

One more thing is that I wonder if you have not enough to do. Do you feel busy enough? It sounds like you are dwelling on this.

It is my opinion that there are many people for us. (aka, there's many people out there who are a good fit for us!) Also, if it's meant to be, it will be.

I say, go ahead and ask him, if it will ease your mind. Who knows why he was unable to look at your message. It makes sense to me that he'd pull away. But who knows. Do you have other friends? I suggest you distract yourself with them and do some things you enjoy to take your mind off him and the anxiety you feel around it.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by starrysky

So, it sounds to me like a natural thing for someone to hold another at arms length if they liked someone, and that person said "let's just be friends." So my guess is, yes, thats what he's doing. Moving on. You could always ask him, and then find your answer, though.

It sounds like you doubt yourself a LOT. I can relate. But if someone wasn't supportive of you and your anxiety, that to me sounds like you made the right decision about him and breaking it off. It might benefit you to talk about this in therapy, too (if you're in therapy).

One more thing is that I wonder if you have not enough to do. Do you feel busy enough? It sounds like you are dwelling on this.

It is my opinion that there are many people for us. (aka, there's many people out there who are a good fit for us!) Also, if it's meant to be, it will be.

I say, go ahead and ask him, if it will ease your mind. Who knows why he was unable to look at your message. It makes sense to me that he'd pull away. But who knows. Do you have other friends? I suggest you distract yourself with them and do some things you enjoy to take your mind off him and the anxiety you feel around it.

Thank you so much for this

I definitely am not busy at all - I have people close to me who suggest I take all the free time I have and use it to let myself worry about things. I'm definitely in therapy haha, it's going well BUT I won't have another session until 4 weeks because of my progress - my therapist has suggested I call her if I need an earlier appointment. Would you suggest I do this??

I've messaged him "Hey, how's things" and hopefully if he reads it we can go into how I feel like I've explained here... But what you say makes so much sense. If he truly did like Me, pulling away to get over it makes so much sense because that's exactly what I would do

And yeah I'm doubtful regarding my decision not to see him anymore... I wonder if I could've given him more of a chance?? Then again not understanding/bothering with/caring about my GAD doesn't make him a total match as you say. But I like to think some people can change

Hoping I can move on from this purgatory I'm trapped in with him. thank you again and to everyone else for the replies x

[divine1966]

I am not sure why you want to be friends if he isn’t supportive of you?

My take on all this is that he moved on, isn’t longer interested hence isnt checking your messages. Contacting him further and asking why he isn’t opening your messages is putting him on a spot. Personally I’d follow his lead and move onas well. I am not sure why you want him to keep communicating with you? Typically if you go on few dates and it’s not working out, there is no need to continue communicating.

I think your question to him is good, though I agree with Starry that he is probably moving on and won't invest as much if you're just friends.

What I am confused about is why you're angry at yourself, given the name of your thread? You did the right thing -- he cannot be supportive of your anxiety, so you cannot have a romantic relationship with him. Yes, bullet dodged. Those of us with issues need someone who will be supportive and understanding of that. You made the right decision -- don't question yourself simply because he liked you and now has backed off.

[~Christina]

I think he just wants to drift away and that’s a okay reaction. He liked you but YOU decided friends would be better.

If this had been a long term relationship then you deserved hopefully some closure. It was only a “ few” dates.

I would send him I wish you well and be done with it. Then you can also move on.

[eclairparty98]

Thank you all, so much, for your responses - we've had the conversation and yeah, he's moved on which is totally fine. I dont think this is anything to be upset about because as said before, he's not at all supportive of my issues, like golden_eve said we need a partner who will understand us and support us at the same time. He's impatient and generally insensitive, and knowing he moved on/stopped bothering to contact me frees me to move on myself, like Christina suggested, which is really refreshing. No more theorising.

Only trouble Is, I hate whenever it doesn't go well with a date. Even if he's not right for me there's that horrible dread that investing in someone who SEEMS okay could lead to disappointment, you know??

Divine1966, as far as friends go, I thought maybe a friendship with him could have grown into something more - because he was so open about liking me, I felt maybe I hadn't given him enough of a chance.

Anyway, we've had the conversation and he doesn't have the same perspective/attitude towards friendships/relationships as I do. So now there will be no relationship nor a friendship with him which I'm okay with. Why purse either with a man who isn't supportive NOR understanding?????

Thanks again everyone, hope you're all are okay

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm glad things are cleared now. Hopefully you'll have better luck next time.

[avlady]

Im glad it worked out for the best for you.