[EnigmaticBeing]

I'm dating a guy and for the most part it's fine - I like his company and we get on well together, he cooks me meals, is super careful about consent and sometimes comes over to cuddle me when I've had a tough day. But sometimes when I'm out with him or at his house he gets mad at me for things I can't control, like my phobia of wasps, and threatens to take me back to my place and leave me there. He also gets annoyed with me for being stressed when he reckons he has more reason to be stressed than me, even when my anxiety reaches the point where it causes me physical pain. Am I wrong to be uncomfortable with this?

[Agent Misty]

I can't answer that. I have a vague idea of how you feel, but no idea how he feels. I have a brief description of what he did but not a strong idea of what provoked it. Like.. you said he got mad about your phobia of wasps. Obviously SOMETHING happened. I can't see you guys chillin on the couch and you just bein like 'i have a phobia of wasps btw' and him responding with 'I'm gonna take you home and leave you there because you said that'. Now if it did happen that way that would be disturbing. But thats the thing. None of us know objectively what played out in the situations you allude to. Obviously it sounds odd for him to respond that way to a wasp phobia when put so simply.. but again. I just don't know the real situation. I can't say much about his behavior of 'being annoyed' about your anxiety levels either. I just don't know how he is truly behaving with you or how you are behaving with him in these scenarios. I wish you the best in luck in understanding the situation.

[emgreen]

I think it's very important to be with someone who can accept your MI. While it sounds like he's quite supportive in many respects, behavior such as that you describe might really affect your self-esteem. It's your call, though.

[MickeyCheeky]

It seems like he's not very supportive when it comes your MI... I'd discuss this with him, if you can.

[Bill3]

You are not wrong to be uncomfortable with how he is acting.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by EnigmaticBeing

I'm dating a guy and for the most part it's fine - I like his company and we get on well together, he cooks me meals, is super careful about consent and sometimes comes over to cuddle me when I've had a tough day. But sometimes when I'm out with him or at his house he gets mad at me for things I can't control, like my phobia of wasps, and threatens to take me back to my place and leave me there. He also gets annoyed with me for being stressed when he reckons he has more reason to be stressed than me, even when my anxiety reaches the point where it causes me physical pain. Am I wrong to be uncomfortable with this?

Agree with others related to being with someone that accepts you and accepts whatever challenges you have up to and including your MI but I see this as an issue that is unrelated to you having an MI at all.

Just from his actions and how you describe it I think that this is reflective of the type of personality he has and is potentially one that is an oppressive situation. I don't think it's because you have an MI that he behaves this way - that he would threaten to take you back to your place if you... don't "behave better' that's a controlling behavior and shows that he is already bordering on being a dominator/controller in the relationship. He points out that he thinks your stress is minimal in comparison to his, and this is invalidating behavior that points to the same issue of control and dominance. He is beginning to mold the relationship and you into someone that feels lesser than him.

to be honest I am not sure if you consider this, but I think this is a disaster waiting to happen. He's not quite sure he's got you under his thumb so he's only startng to show his controlling ways so... I'd break it off ... these are very early signs of what's to come and I believe once he has you committed to him, it will only get worse.

he cooks me meals, is super careful about consent and sometimes comes over to cuddle me when I've had a tough day.

in most cases this would be good but in context of his other behavior this may be him "acting" to gain your trust and approval and it's a means to an end.

He doesn't respect you or he would feel empathy and compassion for your fears and issues.

move on. get out. before you feel stuck in the relationship.

Originally Posted by EnigmaticBeing

I'm dating a guy and for the most part it's fine - I like his company and we get on well together, he cooks me meals, is super careful about consent and sometimes comes over to cuddle me when I've had a tough day. But sometimes when I'm out with him or at his house he gets mad at me for things I can't control, like my phobia of wasps, and threatens to take me back to my place and leave me there. He also gets annoyed with me for being stressed when he reckons he has more reason to be stressed than me, even when my anxiety reaches the point where it causes me physical pain. Am I wrong to be uncomfortable with this?

Well it seems your issues are clashing and creating a disturbance in your relationship
Have you thought of looking into what stresses your partner?
Does he bother to tell?

[wubbalubbadubdub]

You feel how you feel, there is no need to think you are wrong for feeling uncomfortable. It sounds like he is short-tempered and likes to be a one-upper instead of sympathize with you. Personally, I would tell him how you feel and see if he is willing to be more sympathetic to your feelings.