[TwinButterfly]

I have recently confided to three of my friends that I have a problem with food. I’ve not gone into extreme detail with them about it, only that this is the third time I am suffering with this. I don’t expect 24/7 attention from them, but having a supportive friend to talk to means a lot, especially when the bad days hit.

I have known this group of friends since I was 16-17. Two have been supportive when I needed someone to talk to. I have been supportive back to them, asking them about their day and giving a shoulder to lean on when they too felt down and had bad days.

However, one friend I can’t stand at the moment. Mainly due to the fact that she acts like she could care less. She stops talking for weeks, then last night she suddenly messages me. Okay, all was good then. I too engaged in conversation with her. She suddenly talks about how she misses her boyfriend, saying that it’s too long of a wait until she see’s him again. I did my best to comfort her and reassure her. Until this morning, I open up a tiny bit about how I’m feeling at the moment with the things I’m dealing with.

She changed the subject fairly quickly back to herself and her problem with her boyfriend. When that happened, it kind of dawned on me that she possibly doesn’t care about how I’m feeling. At that moment in time, I had to leave the conversation.

We have had conflicts with this person once before, because she refused to talk to me one time. Eventually, one of our friends confronted her about it, telling her to get off her high horse. It ended up being something that was easily resolved, though she chose to drag it out for weeks even though I tried reaching out to her to sort the problem out, 1-2 weeks before she got confronted over it.

I don’t expect her or anyone else to ‘save me’, but when someone is having a bad day and they are feeling overwhelmed, it doesn’t cost anything to listen. Even if they have to take it in turns. Anyway, this was more of a rant than anything.

I say don't go to her with your issues unless you want her to change the subject, start talking about herself, or want to feel like she doesn't care. It sounds like you've known her a long time. Has she always been this way? Perhaps keep her as a friend, but try to accept the reality of where she is in being able to be supportive. You can also ask her what's up and why she does that, if you think it might be helpful.

[TwinButterfly]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I say don't go to her with your issues unless you want her to change the subject, start talking about herself, or want to feel like she doesn't care. It sounds like you've known her a long time. Has she always been this way? Perhaps keep her as a friend, but try to accept the reality of where she is in being able to be supportive. You can also ask her what's up and why she does that, if you think it might be helpful.

Hello,

No, she hasn’t always been this way. Looking back and comparing the moment I met her up to now, I see she’s definitely not the same person. I don’t know wha happened, but it’s crept up. It started a few months ago when she dragged a problem out that was easily resolved.

I think she doesn’t care about either of us to be honest, not just me. We have a group chat, and when one of our friends wants reassurance, she’s never there. She’s only involved afterwards. In my opinion, I think she’s got big headed.

But yeah, I’m going to step away from her for a while. I’m not going to pat her shoulder when she needs help.

[Erebos]

I am with starry sky here.
I have some friends who are great listeners...And some who really suck at being there, but are fun to do other stuff with and a good laugh.

Just don't go to her with the deep stuff.