How to Combat Cynicism?

For now I’ve lost faith in others and find no reason to trust in people’s sincerity, even if they have the best intentions. Let me explain....

It all started a couple of years ago when I looked to an old friend and mentor for advice when I started enduring hardships at my university, but she instead telling everyone in my hometown about my problems and rehashed a painful history of early childhood medical trauma, which people have used throughout the years as an excuse to bully me and treat me like an object, even though these medical issues have long since been resolved.

My problems were only worsened when I looked to a group of friends that I used to love and care about dearly, but then later discovered they were part of a notorious cult. When I sought help from these so called friends, I would either get ignored or receive highly detailed criticism for how I handled the situation. Thankfully I came to the realization that these people were not the best crowd, but for awhile they tried to lure me back in with guilt trips.

At first I was relieved to find help from someone who also suffered the same experience as me, and found this to be a good opportunity to enhance an already existing friendship. However, his failure to respond to my invitations to spend time together even though he hypocritically burned up social media with news of getting engaged suggested otherwise.

Because people have failed to provide the help that I needed during one of the most hectic times of my life, I have become quite the loner and refuse new opportunities to meet new people, and believe that people will use any opportunity to exploit my weaknesseses or remind me of what a burden I am to others. I’m terrified about being close to anybody or getting help or advice including close friends and family. However, my situation has improved with a sweet counselor.

After getting into a argument on a family trip, my heart sank when they gently pointed out that I have indeed become quite negative and distrustful of people over the past couple of years. What are some of the ways that I combat my cynicism? Is it true that nobody really quite be trusted or mean what they say? Am I burden to other people?

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. You were surrounded with awful people who probably had experienced a level of pain that has made them careless with others.

The only way to combat cynicism is to renew faith in yourself and God. A relationship with one's self and higher power can strengthen you against these kinds of people.

Yes, there will be plenty of people out there who could not be trusted and may mislead you. There are also plenty of people who are kind, gentle, and honest. They're not perfect, however, so you have to begin to develop ways of feeling other people out. Redefine what friendship means for you. Explore your boundaries and when someone crosses them, let them know this. It may help to establish boundaries for yourself as well, as this can be based on how people come into your life and act as friends. Real friendship shows itself in moments of need, so this does involve trust. It all goes back into fortifying yourself to process and overcome the pain that you feel and have faith in God.

No you are not a burden to other people. These other people didn't understand how meaningful your connection was to them and vice versa. They don't see your beauty and your vulnerability but I'm sure, in time, you will find people who see you for what you are. Give yourself the space to heal and I think eventually you'll come to trust again in people. It won't be the same but that happens when you undergo such a traumatic experience.

My heart goes out to you

Thank you so much for you thoughtful response. I sure do appreciate it. Thankfully I have already been giving myself a bit more wiggle room in order to re-connect with my faith and myself, especially since I've lost my way because of others' opinions of myself. Also got some boundaries which has helped empower me, but of course I'm not perfect in asserting them yet as this is a more recent doing. Thank you so much again for taking the time to encourage me and helping me feel more loved!

It’s hard to trust people after being betrayed. I try to tell myself not to let the behaviors of others change who I am. That said, I’m very careful with what I share with others. I used to feel angry about being betrayed but at this point I think I’ve concluded that keeping good boundaries in place is just always safest. It is what it is. People are people... Be careful but still be yourself.

That's always good advice. I have spent pretty much all of my life trying to put on a face to please others, while others have left me just for being myself. I sure hope there are people out there, as I've found on PC who will allow me to be myself.