[zahara]

I arrived here in the US 5 years ago. I got married to an old American man whom I met online. I was part of this site where you can get yourself an online bride and yes, I am one of those online brides. We talked online and eventually met while he was on one of those tours conducted to meet their supposed-to-be bride. He eventually asked me for marriage and seeing that he was good enough for a husband, I agreed. However, as marriage life drags on, he slowly became violent towards me both physically and mentally. He told me that I am only a woman he bought online to be his slave. The thing is, I have already invested so much into this relationship ---- love, time and effort. He never came to notice it. I have come to love him throughout these years and now, I don’t know what to do.

Hello and welcome to PC.

Do you have support in your life, by family and/or friends? Do you have people in your life you can turn to for help?

I urge you to leave your abusive husband ASAP. He is outright abusing you -- when physical violence happens, it's time to leave, for your own safety and well-being. Your are not there to be his personal slave OR punching bag. True love does not involve physical violence OR any type of abuse!

You are in the US. I would go to the police as soon as possible, obtain a restraining order and remove yourself from the home, or ask the authorities if you can force him to leave.

[MickeyCheeky]

Please, leave this man as soon as you can. You deserve a happy life.

[divine1966]

Go into a shelter and let them know you are abused, call police and stay away from home. Shelter will help you out. A friend of mine moved to the states to be a wife to this man who seemed decent but turned abusuve as soon as they married. It’s not uncommon unfortunately. Be safe

[~Christina]

Get out anyway you can , Friends or woman shelter .. there are ways to get out,, You might still love him but youre not a piece of property he owns. , regardless of how you met.

Stay safe and keep a get away bag in case you need to escape at any moment

Please get away from him

[aimlesshiker]

Someone who calls you "only a woman" doesn't deserve to be with one. I would first and foremost, get the heck out of there. Stay with a friend if you can. I would also seek therapy, as he's done a ton of damage to you. He took advantage of you, and you deserve better! I know it hurts since you feel like you've put a lot of effort into this relationship, but I think a therapist will help you realize that there's actually no relationship here, to respect yourself, and teach yourself how to set boundaries so that this never happens again.

There is a great quote one of the members here (Jennifer 1967) has in her signature. It is:

"Don't cling to a mistake just because you sunk so much time into making it."

At the start, you didn't know, but now he has revealed his true self. I know it's hard if you're thinking it's been such an investment, but better now than waiting now that you do know. It will just be more time adding to your regret later. And that's besides the major point others have made about your safety and self-esteem. Wishing strength to you.

(It is advise I have trouble following, but know it is very true.)

[Skeezyks]

Hello zahara: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I'm sorry you are struggling with this most difficult situation. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. Please keep posting.

Having read through the other replies here, I know you are being urged to get away from your husband as soon as possible in one way or another. And this may well be the best thing for you to do. I'm guessing though that since you've only been in the U.S. for around 5 years, & arrived as an on-line bride of an older man, you may have little if any support... family, friends, etc. as well as little of your own money if any. Assuming that's the case, I imagine it all makes your getting out especially difficult.

Unfortunately, I don't know as there is a lot I can offer in terms of useful suggestions. I did wonder if you are familiar with the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Here's a link to their website as well as their telephone number:

Home - The National Domestic Violence Hotline

1 (800) 799-7233

I don't have any personal experience with the Hotline myself. But perhaps they can be of some help to you as you think about what to do. My best wishes to you.