[DanceEngine7]

First off, I have no idea how to date!

I went on Bumble and have some matches.

one guy seemed great- started with the "you are beautiful, how can you be single" stuff. But he seemed legit, never mentioned sex, did say something about kissing though. We exchanged phone numbers and were texting a little a few days ago. On Monday, he said he wanted to meet Friday for drinks. Wednesday night, I texted him first and we were going back and forth for awhile, then he said he had to get to bed. I didn't text anything after he said that. So yesterday, Thursday, he didn't text at all and then today, the day I thought we were meeting he never texted either. So, tonight at about 8pm I sent a text asking if we were still meeting, and NOTHING! its really weird.

I have chatted with a lot of men online, and I am usually pretty good at getting a feel for them. So I'm not texting again. I assume he's out with someone else. There is way more men I can text, but something seemed different about this one.

I guess for all i know I could be talking to a woman or whoever! you never know on sites like this. The thing about Bumble though is you can check where people are located at any given moment. if I drive some where the miles between you and the person change. His location seemed to stay the same every time I checked it. lol

I was on this site before for a few weeks. I had guys two hours away that wanted to meet. one wasn't talking about sex, then started. I didn't really care but I ended up knowing I wasn't going to like him in person.

Anyone have any experience with this site and guy's behaviors? lol

[scorpiosis37]

Anyone who starts by messaging “you’re beautiful, how are you single” is just using a cheesy pick up line— and probably copy-pasting it to dozens of others. Look for someone who actually took the time to write an original message— like mentioning something specific you wrote in your profile or asking you open-ended questions to get to know you. Mentioning sex or kissing before you’ve met in person is also a red flag. It shows they are only interested in one thing. Prior to meeting you, someone should be genuinely trying to get to know more about you as a person. It’s too early to know if someone is a good catch or to be thinking about physical intimacy. Look for someone who is asking questions specific to you and following up on detailed things you talked about earlier. It doesn’t hurt to be picky and weed out guys like the ones you mentioned.

[divine1966]

It’s a cheap pick up line (why you are single etc) . Also taking about kissing or sex is a bad sign. Don’t text back and forth with strangers. Talk on the phone prior to setting a date up. Don’t set up dates with people you haven’t talked.

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, if he has stopped texting he's probably not interested anymore.. I understand your disappointment but I think it' best to move one. Good luck

[Talthybius]

Online dating is so stacked against men that you just try to play the online dating game. So you just try to do your best to get women to talk to you regardless of if it is enjoyable for you or not.

And then when finally someone is messaging you, it is hard to be picky. Maybe he just got second thoughts and you were never really his type.

This is probably why he started talking about sex. Men have to lower their standards and then when you look at your matches you can get, it quickly dawns on you that none of them are anywhere near the woman you can imagine yourself spend your life with. So many men will then think 'well if I can get an ego boost from her from low effort sex, maybe I shouldn't unmatch her'. So they just send something shallow, hoping you will unmatch or boost their ego.


Copying cheesy pickup lines is a strategy forced by the game. If you are just yourself, you are boring and the woman will stop talking with you and instead talk with the 10 other guys she has lined up that are desperate enough to try anything to stand out.

[DanceEngine7]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Well, if he has stopped texting he's probably not interested anymore.. I understand your disappointment but I think it' best to move one. Good luck

He ended up texting me at 1am saying he’s really sorry but since we hadn’t talked in a few days he didn’t think I wanted to meet yet and he didn’t want to push me. I replied that it’s fine and that it really wasn’t a good day anyway. Now he’s asking if I’m ok.

[DanceEngine7]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

Online dating is so stacked against men that you just try to play the online dating game. So you just try to do your best to get women to talk to you regardless of if it is enjoyable for you or not.

And then when finally someone is messaging you, it is hard to be picky. Maybe he just got second thoughts and you were never really his type.

This is probably why he started talking about sex. Men have to lower their standards and then when you look at your matches you can get, it quickly dawns on you that none of them are anywhere near the woman you can imagine yourself spend your life with. So many men will then think 'well if I can get an ego boost from her from low effort sex, maybe I shouldn't unmatch her'. So they just send something shallow, hoping you will unmatch or boost their


ego.


Copying cheesy pickup lines is a strategy forced by the game. If you are just yourself, you are boring and the woman will stop talking with you and instead talk with the 10 other guys she has lined up that are desperate enough to try anything to stand out.

To clarify he didn’t mention sex at all. He dud something about kissing. I don’t agree with copy and pasting g. If I see a profile that is clearly a copy and paste it’s a red flag for me. I like when guys are themselves And I can come across as being not interested. I do it on purpose so I don’t come across as desperate. Ugh

[DanceEngine7]

what a joke this was! he wanted me to drive an hour to meet him at a bar. Then some how I misinterpreted what he said, but it then got to point where he wanted me to come straight to his house!!
Our texts got sexual. told me I could spend the night if I couldn't drive home.
I told him NEVERMIND!

I thought I had finally found someone that didn't get straight to sex on the first meeting. He seemed really nice. Now, I know why I've had affairs with married men. Single ones , ugh!!

[scorpiosis37]

It seems like you are overlooking a lot of red flags and participating in the kinds of conversations you say you don’t want. If you don’t want a guy who just wants sex, don’t go for a guy whose initial messages are about your physical appearance, a guy who uses cheesy lines like “how are you still single?” (When he hasn’t even met you and has possible reference point for that comment), a guy who mentions kissing before you’ve met, or a guy who wants to meet you for the first time after 7pm. And if a guy starts mentioning sex or sleeping over or meeting late at night, DONT RESPOND. 95% of women just delete and block guys who do that. If you engage, you’re basically laying out the welcome mat for them. If you don’t want that, don’t participate. If you set higher standards for yourself, you won’t invite in the wrong kinda of guys.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by DanceEngine7

what a joke this was! he wanted me to drive an hour to meet him at a bar. Then some how I misinterpreted what he said, but it then got to point where he wanted me to come straight to his house!!
Our texts got sexual. told me I could spend the night if I couldn't drive home.
I told him NEVERMIND!

I thought I had finally found someone that didn't get straight to sex on the first meeting. He seemed really nice. Now, I know why I've had affairs with married men. Single ones , ugh!!

I think you can certainly do better than married men and the single ones who want to get you to bed instead of dating. Essentially both groups are the same. They aren’t interested in dating. That’s why I keep saying look for a sliding scale therapist to help you with self esteem and setting high standards.

There are plenty of nice single men. It’s not east to meet the right one but it doesn’t mean you should settle. If you want to meet nice men, you shouldn’t engage with the ones who clearly are there for wrong reasons. Texting you at 1am, talking about kissing, giving cheap hook up lines and having sexual conversations isn’t what classy men do. how did he “seem really nice”? He seems pretty awful.

I don’t know if bumble is for very young people but I think maybe you ought to try better suited sites? I’ve met my husband on eharmony and talked to others on there prior to meeting him and no one ever acted like that.

[DanceEngine7]

I tried eharmony years back. I matched with one person in the whole United states. ugh

yeah it got pretty creepy with this guy. Wanted me to come straight to his house, said I could stay over if I couldn't drive home (he's an hour away). So I said to myself, if he wants this to be about sex it will be!
So I basically messed with him for awhile.....sent him sexual texts back...told him he wouldn't be able to keep up with me...said he might need Viagra, etc. then I told him he was a creep and I blocked him! He responded with, "oh so i'm a creep but you're the one sending me sexual messages" lol

my luck with men is just....awful. I need to start by changing my pictures.. they are a little sexy maybe.. and I need to watch it with what they say. But sometimes I get to the point of....well, if i can't find a good guy.. I may as well just have sex with them because I want sex also.

[divine1966]

There is nothing wrong with casual sex. It just doesn’t seem to make you happy in a long run. These encounters with married men were about sex and it left you unhappy and devastated. It’s nust not satisfying emotionally for you but if that’s what you want it’s ok. Just have to be careful. It could be dangerous. Especially if these are strangers not FWB whom you already know.