Love-Bombing

I'm talking to a guy from POF. I like him, but we just started talking last night, and he is already telling me how much he likes me. A lot. I like it. And I like him too. So I called him on the phone. It was a bit awkward on my end, but he seemed to really like my voice. Anyway, I have mixed feelings because I'm also uncomfortable with him telling me how much he likes me this soon. We have not even met in person yet. I think he's a bit naive. Why do some men try to get so close so soon? I'm going to have to be honest and tell him I have mixed feelings about his texts. He is looking for a relationship, not sex. But still. I'm very anxious. He doesn't know me and I don't know him. I did tell him once, to slow down. He apologized. I didn't need him to. I just wanted to move more slowly. But yeah then we texted later and he started again.

Be careful. He may be desperate.

Can you elaborate, Eve? What do you mean?

One thing it made ME wonder, is if he has gotten out of a relationship very recently. I haven't asked him though.

Also I have to be honest, I wasn't feeling it on the phone. It was just one short phone call. But yeah. I wanted to give him a chance though. We are supposed to meet Thursday, but depending on how I'm feeling...idk.

You may need a little time to get a sense of whether its initial inexperience/nervousness on his part & whether he relaxes with the incessant approach (especially after you've already asked). If you meet, try somewhere relaxed but public - like the cafe area of a not-too-busy bookstore.

I am feeling so anxious. I am feeling so insecure and anxious in this moment. I like this guy...I don't even want to look at my phone...something feels off...he's a musician in my area I have found out. Musicians don't have a hard time finding women do they? He said I seem not like most women and thats what he likes. Arggggggg.

When someone says how much they like u before they even know you either they are desperate for love or they want sex. He barely knows you and likes u so much already? That raises a flag for me.

What eve said. ^ I had someone once who told me he was "spellbound" by me despite us having very little in common and the conversation being really boring frankly. I kept talking to him through the website we were on, but didn't give him my location or number (he lived in my same city so I was especially careful about it just in case). Turned out he was just trying to get me to sleep with him.

Same as your last thread, I'm gonna say trust your gut, and it seems like your gut is telling you this is a bad idea. Just my take on it, and I will admit I'm a known pessimist, so if you do decide your gut is telling you to go then go get 'im.

This feels off to me too. I haven’t known musicians to have a hard time finding women at all

FYI, POF is full of creeps! Why? because it is free! and you have no idea who you are talking to.. fake profiles

oNe profile seemed good....very attractive guy, master degree, etc.. said he wanted to meet. as soon as I seemed interested his pictures changed immediately to another person! I called him out...he claimed it was him in the pictures....his old ones were from when he was younger...bull!! I said I wasn't meeting him now and he acted like he didn't know why!

Match is a little better since people are actually paying...
I'm on Bumble now...its ok but if you look in the feed under relationships I have a story about one guy.. ugh I haven't met anyone yet. I am very selective. I literally have about 5 matches and i went through the whole cardstock!! But its telling me I have over 100 men that right clicked me. lol

Hi Everyone. Well...I talked to him on the phone. It was nice but I still feel uneasy and I don't know why. He is a well known musician in my area, it seems. I looked him up. I'm confused about why he'd be on POF, and why he'd want to date me. Not that I'm not awesome. But something feels off. I was looking and looking. Like maybe its a catfish or something. That doesn't seem like it. I did notice he seemed he really wanted me to "like" and "approve" of him when we were in the phone too. He didn't seem to have his own self and mind. Almost to the point where he seemed to be lying about stuff just so he'd seem he was on my side. He told me he has really bad anxiety sometimes, but then the story changed to "it's not always bad." I don't know. I just feel that something is off and I don't know what. I asked him how long ago he had a gf. He said over a year ago. And she wasn't even his gf... Something seems off. He says he's shy. But I googled him and he has a big following. He is part of a band but he is also self promoting. He is his own band, too. Some things just don't add up. I don't know what. Maybe it doesn't matter what. Maybe it just matters how I feel.

I come from a family with several musicians, and have dated one. Just because someone is a musician and is able to promote themselves doesn't mean they have fantastic personalities and interpersonal relationships. you can be a successful musician and also a pretty messed up person on the down low...

Wether or not he is real, I don't know. But from the way he was described, I'd avoid it.

I don't even know if its love bombing per se. He was just ...the way he was talking in text was getting too close. And it hadn't even been 24 hrs.

He did say to tell him if he says anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. What do you think?

Your gut keeps giving you a heads up

Never ever ignore your gut.

I would just stop communicating with him and end the wondering.

I deleted my POF profile and told him I wasn't able to date him at this time bc I needed to take care of me. Not in that order.

Thank you, you guys.

There's a true story, I think, of a tiger who was in a cage for a very long time, and she paced back and forth in it, bc she wanted to be free. One day, her keepers built her a much larger habitat, so she could roam free. But it was too late. She kept pacing in that one spot where the cage had been. Maybe thats where she was most comfortable. But I don't want that to be me. I keep thinking about this story and how our life actions, can really, be like the tiger pacing, even when we are free.

Yeah, I think that guy may have been a jerk. His texts and his voice did not match up. Seemed quite different. And he was saying some strange things on the phone that seemed critical of me. F that. He seemed sort of hostile about certain things that didn't need anger, but also he was trying to please me, and seemed like he was lying.

Once again, online dating is done. I'm done with online dating. I need to fill my life with things that bring me much joy. I know I will encounter weirdos and hurtful people. But I don't need to surround myself with them in my inner circle.

Good for you!

I think the key thing here is to learn to trust your gut. Your gut always knows, and when something feels off, it IS off. I have done the same thing as you.... not allowed myself to trust what my instincts are telling me. It will serve you well in the future with other men to listen to your own voice and follow your intuition. (((((KnitChick)))))

I think online dating can still work - just be careful about the site you're using and the people you're talking to.

Mickey: Absolutely! I have just found that the free sites don't work for me. I have not met one winner, but a lot of red flags.

GoldenEve: Thank you! I wanted to mention, too, that while I told him I needed to "not date and take care of myself," it was an "its not you its me thing." I was protecting myself (and him) from being hurt. Truth is, he was raising red flags. Thank you so so much for telling me to trust my intuition and that it will not steer me wrong!

Yup, free sites are always so full of fake people. That said, I've been on eHarmony a veeeeeery long time now and have had no luck, have also tried Match and Chemistry, but didn't like how they were set up compared to eH. At least I can say none of the guys I've talked to from those sites gave me bad vibes, it just didn't work out for other reasons.

I agree. Trust your gut.

Good job trusting your gut!

Thank you, Bill. I always value your opinion so thank you.