Online harassment and how to handle it

Yeah I have self worth issues, no doubt about it.

I'm not interested in meeting anyone online anyway, as I keep telling them, it is very superficial. This guy I am talking about appears to have views on certain things very different to mine so we're not compatible; he has just seen a photo and decided I am worth chasing. Am no oil painting but have deleted the photos of myself since then just in case. Maybe if you post a photo of yourself men think you are after someone? I don't know. I am not posing half naked or anything. Maybe just having the right genitals is enough for some guys online.

It's Facebook. I don't get anything out of accepting these requests. I feel bad when I don't respond to them though, like it's a bit rude. Is it normal just to ignore requests? I seem to think it will annoy people if I don't respond.

Yeah the conversation is not very deep with most of them. It tends to revolve around sex as soon as you speak to them.

Maybe Kim Jong Un is a good idea for a profile picture, I don't have any pictures of myself now and my current picture is of a dog. The friend requests have calmed down now and I won't accept any more from guys. So hopefully won't have any more to deal with.

Sage advice from people who use and understand that medium I would say .
FB ... such a great idea that doesn't work in practise so often , or at least that's how it sounds .
I have a 21 yr old niece in London . She emails and calls me . Apparently I'm the cool uncle ( no kids , disposable income so good for Xmas and birthdays and to drag me around the high street when I go there ) . She was hell bent on getting me onto FB . I quizzed her about it . "It's great for keeping in contact with people you don't see all the time" ....o.k. , how many friends do you have on it ? " oh , about 500 " .... and how many of these people have you ever met ? " umm , about 60 I think " ...... yeah , nar I think we will just stick to the phone and email thanks .
I did have an account for a while once to be honest , but it just wasn't for me so I got rid of it .I'm sure it works very well in certain situations . It just seemed incredibly false ! Even though I only had 9 friends on it . Which is totally false ....I'd never be able to convince as many as 9 people to like me 😀

I call it harassment here but I like chatting to people. It's guys who won't take no for an answer I don't like being rude to. Part of me I feel doesn't want to be a ***** or feel like one. Today I had another guy friend me (he was a mutual friend of someone else and I didn't think he would be looking for a relationship/sex) and I ended up saying not to get his hopes up, even though I don't want anything other than friendship at best (I don't even know him, is a fb friend). He has mh problems so that made it harder to be firm, but maybe I have just made things worse by not being honest and saying no way.

This has happened a few times recently and it makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I hate thinking I have upset anyone.

How do other people handle this? I like chatting to people and I tell guys I just want to be friends, but they don't listen.

Maybe it is karma because I have a friend who I annoyed by going on about liking him for long enough, but I would never have forced myself on him, I feel if I met up with any of these guys as friends I would be putting myself in a vulnerable position and it would be a mistake. But this guy has already mentioned meeting up and although I said ok as friends I think that might not be a good idea. As usual, I don't want to be nasty so I don't just say no way.

How can I tactfully refuse these guys and is there any way you can just be friends with them and they will get the message and accept it do you think, or am I just asking for trouble staying friends and even meeting up with them?

Feel free to tell me off for being an idiot, because I think I maybe do more harm than good by chatting to these guys.

If they are looking to chat and you aren't, take your sweet time in responding then short and sweet. If the trend is in sexualizing you in uninvited ways then block them. Eventually they'll take the hint and leave you alone. As they say, don't feed the trolls.

I prefer the blunt method. Just telling them directly that I'm not interested. If they react negatively I delete and block. You have the right to protect your personal boundaries and you should feel no guilt for doing so.

Unfortunately, in my experience if what they're after is a relationship or sex they will not settle for friendship and meeting up with them is definitely a bad idea. You have to be firm in your boundaries. If they push or get mad, they are not worth keeping as a friend anyways, so it's no real loss of they leave or you have to block them.

Yes, it's perfectly normal to ignore requests to chat from strange men. Where did you get the notion that you have to reply or accept their friend requests?

Men hit on women all the time, through any medium -- including online and including Facebook. Why bother accepting a request from someone who could be a total creep? I am glad it's calmed down for you, but you shouldn't have to change your photos just to avoid men who want to chat and hit on you. Just change your privacy settings and make your profile non-public and unsearchable. Voila. Problem solved.

Sage advice from people who use and understand that medium I would say .
FB ... such a great idea that doesn't work in practise so often , or at least that's how it sounds .
I have a 21 yr old niece in London . She emails and calls me . Apparently I'm the cool uncle ( no kids , disposable income so good for Xmas and birthdays and to drag me around the high street when I go there ) . She was hell bent on getting me onto FB . I quizzed her about it . "It's great for keeping in contact with people you don't see all the time" ....o.k. , how many friends do you have on it ? " oh , about 500 " .... and how many of these people have you ever met ? " umm , about 60 I think " ...... yeah , nar I think we will just stick to the phone and email thanks .
I did have an account for a while once to be honest , but it just wasn't for me so I got rid of it .I'm sure it works very well in certain situations . It just seemed incredibly false ! Even though I only had 9 friends on it . Which is totally false ....I'd never be able to convince as many as 9 people to like me 😀

Well I have changed the settings to Friends of friends for friend requests but I don't seem to be able to turn it off completely. Also posted that I am in a relationship, which is a lie, but hopefully will help 'friends of friends' to stay away if they are after sex.

I just feel like I am being impolite not to respond to friend requests, I don't know why I think like that tbh I hate offending people too much probably. Too non confrontational in life in general.. people take advantage of it all the time.

The guy did make a creepy remark to me today, he didn't intend it that way but it made a bit uncomfortable. Once again was my fault, but was only being honest, I said I hadn't got back to him because I was having a shower and breakfast. Of course he had to sexualise the shower bit, and I should have realised that he would do that. So you can see how I get myself into these situations.

Hopefully now I have posted I am in a relationship this will be put to bed for good. Unfortunately I have to lie about it though, but if it stops men trying it on then it is better in the long run for everyone. Will stick to the dog as my profile picture though.

I think I might have gone too far already by having a chat with that guy today. Maybe I should have blocked him. He says he is on his own and doesn't have anyone much to talk to, and he has mh issues so it would be cruel just to ignore him now. I just don't know how to defuse the situation that I have got myself in with tact.

Yeah I have under 30 friends. Someone unfriended me because of my mh issues I should think, which is fine, as I wouldn't want someone bigoted as a friend in real life so wouldn't want one online either. I have only met one of my online friends lol, so they are not 'friends' friends anyway. The number of friends doesn't mean anything tbh.. social media is very shallow.

I agree that, if they're interested in a relationship, friendship with them would be complicated. So I'd say just be honest from the start. Whether they accept it or no is up to them. I think the same thing goes even if they have MH problems.. you can be nicer but it's substantially the same thing.

It might sound unreasonable to you but it would certainly prevent any grief. Just don't friend anyone you don't know in real life.

Tell them you're not after anything more than friendship and if they keep pushing, ignore and block

don't accept random friendships from people you dont' have an active desire to be friends with on fb. then if you do. just be straight forward. if they persist, unfriend and block them.

You talk about not wanting to hurt feelings and that's understandable but if they persist and ignore your statements (assuming you first do this) that you want to just be friends, how are they thinking of your feelings? *shrug* Idk, that's grounds for me to cut them off and not even worry about their feelings. reciprocity is a thing. can't worry about the feelings of others that dont' care how you feel at all.

It sounds like you're having trouble asserting your boundaries. Sad thing is, there's no award for being the most nice and accommodating girl. Sometimes you have to tell people, "No." And there's nothing 'b****y' about it.

You're a person, and you deserve respect and consideration, just like everyone else. If you don't want to talk to someone, don't talk to them. Unfollow and unfriend people who aren't really your friends. You have every right to do that. You deserve to be able to spend your time with people you care about, who care about and respect you in return.

I'd recommend looking up Captain Awkward. She has a lot to say about trying to be 'the nice girl', since she struggled with her boundaries in the same way. It helped me feel a lot better about starting to assert my own boundaries. I hope it helps you, too.