[TheOutsider90]

Hi all,

My younger brother has been struggling for the past couple years with addiction- opiates. Its been up and down- and currently he is going through a rough custody battle that is stressing him out. My mom and I both have anxiety and depression and the entire situation is wearing on us. We're doing our best to support him- we've gone to a family members session at a rehab center, we go to all of his court dates for the custody battle, and try to find things for him to do to keep him busy. It always seems to work for awhile but then we find out he's stolen money from one of us and bought more pills. I'm exhausted, and my mom is exhausted, and my dad is just angry all the time. My anxiety is at an all time high. Does anyone have any advice on how to help him?

[healingme4me]

I'd keep trying with family counseling.

[mote.of.soul]

Wow, sounds like you guys are doing all you can as it is. Maybe address the issue next time you attend the family members session. Bring it out in the open at the rehab. It could be quite constructive that way. Hang in there, it sounds like you guys have a lot of love.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Outsider: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

I see your post was moved here to the relationships forum from the new members introductions forum. One additional forum that may be of interest would be the partners of people & caregivers forum. Here's a link to that one:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/part...ivers-support/

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some help in putting the dilemma you & your family face into perspective, the first by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

You Can Only Change Yourself

How To Help The Addict Who Doesn't Want Help | Addiction Recovery

6 Ways to Convince an Addict to Get Help

Healing Underlying Core Issues | Addiction and Mental Health Demystified

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...-whole-family/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...essional-help/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/tms/2...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-way...-denial/?all=1

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[MickeyCheeky]

I agree about continuing with family therapy. Also: remember that you can only do so much to help...

[Deejay14]

Maybe he needs more of a tough love angle. Have you tried Ala-non or something similar for yourselves? Have you heard of "detaching with love"?

[MMouth823]

As an addict myself, been clean since 8/23/1999, I will tell you that there is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING, that you and your Mom can do for your brother. NOTHING. HE has to reach his bottom on his own. If you continue to assist him, you are only enabling him to continue down the path he's on. This was the only thing that worked for me. My family had to basically disown me. When I finally got clean and sober, I heard a comedian at an NA convention that told us not to give money to homeless ppl because "it keeps us out there longer". True recovery will never stick unless HE wants it and HE has to do the work to get there. Take care of yourselves first and foremost. I hope I wasn't too harsh.

Originally Posted by MMouth823

As an addict myself, been clean since 8/23/1999, I will tell you that there is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING, that you and your Mom can do for your brother. NOTHING. HE has to reach his bottom on his own. If you continue to assist him, you are only enabling him to continue down the path he's on. This was the only thing that worked for me. My family had to basically disown me. When I finally got clean and sober, I heard a comedian at an NA convention that told us not to give money to homeless ppl because "it keeps us out there longer". True recovery will never stick unless HE wants it and HE has to do the work to get there. Take care of yourselves first and foremost. I hope I wasn't too harsh.

I completely agree with you. I haven’t personally experienced addiction but I’ve seen it in friends and family and I understand that they need to help themselves. We all have something we struggle with and we can only really overcome it if we truly want to and are willing to face it.