Crushing on my coach!

Just like the title says... I have a crush on my acting coach.
I wasn't as smitten with him when we first met, but as the classes went by, I realized how mUch I love being around him.

He's a lot older than me. (Old enough to be my dad) I don't know why I am attracted to him. He started using terms of endearment. ("What's up, my dear?", "You're awesome, sweetie!") He gives me hugs any chance he gets and I'm surprisingly cool with it. I love it when he hugs me!

He's married though, and much, much older than me.

I absolutely love spending time with him, he makes me feel special!
I went to his show last night and since then, I can't stop thinking about him. I know in my mind, he's probably just being nice... but my heart says, "Go for it, he's totally into you!" I find myself wishing that class was longer and more frequent just so I can spend more time with him...

I told my close friend that I have a crush on my acting coach, she said that I shouldn't pursue a relationship with him; that I should stay professional. I feel like he might be into me, but at the same time, I think he's just being nice...

Help!

If he was single I’d say go for it! If he is married though you don’t want to get into this kind of mess.

He is married.

I know it'd be wrong of me to pursue a relationship with him.. since he's married.
I just feel like, we have a connection. When he told me he loved me, I just.. I dunno. I felt so amazing. He makes me feel special.

I wish I could spend more time with him. I really do enjoy his company and I feel like he enjoys mine? But he is a theater teacher, so he may just be nice... And maybe I am just misinterpreting his behavior.?

A teacher should not be giving a student such hugs and should not be telling her he loves her. He is abusing his authority.

I completely agree with you!

This.

I had a crush on my school counsellor & student government teacher in junior high BUT it was one of dang I really wished he was my dad because he was what I wanted a dad to be like nothing like what my own dad was like. He was sweet because he would be my sybstitute dad at father daughter GAC events as he was also an athletic teacher. He was just an awesome person I will always fondly remember as the dad I wished mine was like.

I wanted to be around him, I even ended up in student government thrilled he was the one leading it. There were no hugs or "I love you's".....he was just there when I needed someone intelligent to talk with about some things.

We need to be aware between our need for a father image in our life or whether we are feeling infatuation even if it is led on by things they say (which is not professional & I would definitely question the ethics also)

I agree that it's an abuse of power. He might be willing to have a sexual relationship with you, but I would not pursue it since he is your teacher and is married.

I agree, I'd avoid getting caught up in something like this... I'm sorry.

Nothing else matters except that he is married. Not for him or his wife but for you. You do not want to fall for a married man, trust me!! There is nothing but horrible pain and anguish in it for you. You will get hurt beyond belief and that is a guarantee. Just don't go there and spare yourself this torment...I've experienced it, so I know.

I can tell from the things you have said that the morals surrounding it won't stop you but do it for your heart. It is not worth it by any means. Protect yourself and let the crush run its course without acting on it.

I thought about this and maybe his hugs and "I love you's" are part of theater culture. They can be like that. Regardless, Don't get involved, Esmme. Find someone single.

I've tried to stop thinking about him...
I know this is super lame, but I've been having fantasies about him even in my sleep...
Our next class is Wednesday night. I've stalked the hell out of his facebook page. I kind of started to develop a jealousy of his wife and kids.

I feel like when he said he loved me, it was probably platonic... But I can't help but feel like maybe he likes me. I usually get nervous when men call me, "good girl" or "dear", but for some reason, when he calls me those, I feel excited.

I want to message him on Facebook to let him know that I really enjoyed his show. I keep rewinding (in my head) back to the night of the show when he hugged me and told me that it meant a lot to him that I came. I felt special when he said that.. but maybe he says that to all of his students? I dunno.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday night... I don't know if he really does feel that I am special, and that's why he told me it meant loads to him that I went to his show... Or if he's just been a theater jock for so long that he's always acting. I just love being around him.. He's so funny and sweet.

I can't stop fantasizing about him. I don't know why, I mean.. I think he's cute, but he's like (at least) 45-50 years old. I'm in my very early 20s.

@eskielover
I don't know if it's the "father" figure I am looking for... I already have a dad and he's awesome. I've never been deprived of a father figure in my life... I usually don't fall for older men... This is a first for me. I especially usually never fall for someone in authority.

I have been taken advantage of by people in authority too many times... I didn't immediately fall for my teacher, it was after a few classes when I realized that I had feelings for him. I mentioned something and made him laugh and he said, "I love you!" and gave me a hug.

My group therapist told me that I shouldn't hug men that I am unfamiliar with, or barely know. It's just not "polite". So when my teacher offered to hug me, I accepted. When he noticed me coming into the theater, he hugged me. During the intermission, he came and sat by me and hugged me again... Then when I left the theater, he gave me a hug again and that's when he said, "I'm so glad you came! It means so much to me!"

I think I might be reading too deeply into it... He's probably just a theater jock who is touchy-feely by nature. I don't know! I feel so lost... I want to be with him, I want to spend more time with him... But he has a whole damn family. I don't want to ruin that... I feel like I am getting mixed signals from him, though. On one half of my brain, he *likes* me and is into me. On the other half, he's just being a friendly, theater teacher....

Having grown up around theatre folk, Being tactile and using terms of endearment is pretty much in the remit.
You can't act if your uncomfortable, their job is to put you at ease and they are surprisingly adept at cold reading people.
Aside from all that he is married, so I would step off that particular train.

Just because someone is NICE to you & hugs you doesn't mean they are into you. Some people are just nice in a more emotionally connecting way.

We are the ones who have to be discerning.....by that I mean if they are older & married don't let your heart get involved because it is WRONG. We have to be responsible for our own thoughts & emotions even if we feel someone may be leading us on. If the relationship is wrong.....DON'T GO THERE. You are as responsible for your behavior as he is for his.

In other words if you feel someone is leading you on who shouldn't be (a married man) then you are responsible for not allowing yourself to be led on whether they are actually doing it or not.

The fact that you are having an immense reaction to him is precisely why he should not be treating you the way that he is. He needs to be more careful; he is overstepping. And with him being your teacher, how safe would you feel asking him to stop?

I've been around theater people my whole life. I know that being uncomfortable isn't good for acting... However, I've never been very touchy-feely with any teacher.. well.. ever. My teacher even says that you shouldn't do things that make you uncomfortable such as kissing scenes, sex scenes, etc. I've been acting professionally since I was about 14. Yet, I've never met someone who makes me feel as special and talented as my teacher does.

Usually, I am neutral about my teachers.

I agree with you eskielover
I have a gut feeling that he's just being "nice". I don't want to say that I feel like he is leading me on. I really don't feel like he is leading me on, but I do feel like maybe he... likes me. (And maybe it's not a "sexual" like) I enjoy being around him. I think maybe he enjoys being around me?
But I was also thrown off guard when he told me he loved me. I've never, ever had a teacher tell me that... even as a joke.

I feel like I could tell him if I were uncomfortable.. But I'm not uncomfortable. I love being around him! I love being his student.

I'd avoid being involved... but I think it's your choice. Just be careful, ok?

Enjoying company of other people doesn’t necessarily mean people need to get romantically involved with each other. You can enjoy spending time with friends or teachers or fellow actors. It doesn’t mean they or you need to make it romantic or sexual.

What exactly are you looking for help with? You seem to just want confirmation that he is interested and that your feelings are justified.

you were right to be thrown off because what is is saying & the fact that he is your coach/teacher is giving you mixed messages..... but whether he feels anything more than a friendship kind of love it is still your responsibility not to get caught up in it. Yes, it is hard but if he is appkying no pressure to become romantically involved you need to knnp reminding yourself this is how he is in friendships & distance yourself if you need to. Hard to do....YES....but most things that are the right thing to do aren't easy. Keeping sound moral values is never easy because it is the logical mind telling the emotional mind that it is wrong to act on feelings it has.

I just wanted to know how to approach him
I asked in an earlier post if I should message him on facebook to say that I enjoyed his show, but I guess no one saw that post

I *am* also looking for confirmation, I do want to know if my feelings are justified. I don't see anything wrong with that

Thanks, eskielover
I do believe that you are right. I could definitely be reading into it too much.
I don't want to get involved with him romantically because he's married. He's an amazing teacher and i think I will just have to stay professional.

I see him again tomorrow... I'll definitely keep my distance if things turn grey. You're definitely right, I can't control his actions, but I can control my reactions

If you don't want to get involved with him romantically then why message him on facebook? what are you hoping to accomplish by that if you are going to stay professional as you mentioned?

I was just going to message him to let him know that I enjoyed his show...
I thought that could still be considered "professional".

I'm going to do my best to remain professional. As I said before, I was getting mixed signals from him, (he said he loved me) so I wasn't sure about whether or not I should say something via facebook...

If he wasn't married and wasn't my teacher, I would totally go for it without asking.. But I don't want to step on toes or cross any lines. I don't feel like saying, "Hey you did a great job and I enjoyed your show!" is crossing a boundary, but since I have feelings for him, I don't want that to grow into something that could hurt me or him...

I usually like to write people after I hang out with them to let them know I had a good time and to let them know if I would like to do it again... But he's my teacher.... He's a lot older than me and has a teenaged child....

I'm still new to the world of dating and relationships. Obviously, I like him a lot, I have a crush on him. I was crushing pretty hard when I left his show and for the next couple of days after that... Now, I don't feel as strongly, so I think I just have to wait it out...

I guess if no one has anything else to add to this thread, I can have it closed...

I feel like I'm repeating myself an awful lot :/