Cheating ?

Hello all , i recently was in a relationship with this girl for 11 months , everything was going great , we had our ups and downs as all relationships but nothing to cause us to break up we do everything together , shes my rock and we both love each other , but i have a few questions that someone here can give me a honest answer ..

When we first met there was this guy who constantly snap her "her ex from her camp 2 years prior" we usually snap each other while together all the time and send to her friends list , so this one guy opens it in seconds and sends fishy snaps back for example i bought her a rose for her birthday he responds with i wish i could give you a rose one of these days ... , then again 2 weeks later we are laying in bed and she snaps us laying in bed and same guy says wish i could law in bed with you one of these days ... so at this point i got fed up and confronted her about the issue that i dont like how he is talking its flirtatious and i dont appericate it i said either talk to him or im going to break up , she deleted him no problem on facebook/snap and 2 days later he tried to patronize her saying your boyfriend was more important than our friendship i said do what you feel is right you know my take on him either him or me not that im that type of guy but when it comes to the stuff he was sending i had myself worried .. so was it ok for me to do what i did , does she still have feelings for this guy ? i asked and she said no , so back in april we both are talking and on facebook together she searches something and up and what do i see his name on recent searches so i said why would u search him up ?? u know i dont like the guy but u do it anyway do you still have feelings for him and he said no i was bored and wanted to know if he was still delete i was like okay , kinda mad but let it go 2 days later boom what happens same guy msg her "hey" on another facebook account so i just got mad and i said get rid of him so that was that and never noticed anything since... did i react to emotionally or did i do the right thing .. ?

Now onto another story , which leads me whats bothering me , when i first met her she was really into snapchat "streaks" doing all the weird things on snap to her friends which was ok , but recently she went away to babysit her niece till her brother finds daycare , she is 5 hours away from where i live so now im overly jealous and constantly thinking she is talking to some other guy sexually on snap chat , as when she first went 3 weeks ago her snap score has gone up 4000 points in less then a week ? im not to sure what that consist of so made me feel like there was something more going on so i logged on to her snapchat " she gave me her password when we started dating" and didnt notice any signals that she was but i did snoop a little more and noticed 3 guys on her list she had sent nudes to 2 years ago before she met me , but noticed on ther snap one of the guys she sent nudes to sent her a phone number the day she left ? now that is on my back of my mind what if she is trying to hide things ? so confused as i love this girl and she knows my take on how i feel about people cheating we talk alot she knows my flaws ect ect .. i did confront her abot this because i felt bad snooping in the first place , she got upset more so a embarrassed cry perhaps because she forgot to delete those said pictures or is it she got caught and didnt thin i would snoop even tho i didnt find any evidence that she has cheated form what i saw just pics from years ago ? i wanted to let it go but now shes gone for another month without seeing her , im depressed , jealous insecure from past relationships , ocd always checking phone to see if she msg and when she doesnt my mind goes negative thinking all the negative , i just wish i could cope on how to stop over thinking everything. she always sends me text msgs and facebook messages saying how much she loves me and nobody can take my place and i will never cheat.. just a whole mess its effecting my work because all i think about is her because we were together 24/7 now that she is gone at short notice i feel lost/depressed now more jealous/insecure ..

Any help would be appreciated as right now i feel like im going to fall off the deep end , i hate the feeling what ifs , even tho it could be nothing .
And ps im 27 and she is 23 ... i got adhd/ocd/depression/anxiety/panic attacks not like this might make any difference in the answers ., thanks for reading could really use the help .. i feel lost and embarrassed

Evacuate.

Sarcasm ? i love this girl i do believe she loves me to , i did notice the snap chat score has been 30-40 points a day since she left on monday as i told her that i was snooping i felt bad to even do it in the first place, i really think if she did do it she might be anymore as she might of got caught and now is "saying hmm do i really want to mess this up " .. i dont know just confused .. thanks for the reply

Your post is a little hard to follow, but it seems like that guy was flirting with her, but she wasn't necessarily flirting back? Do you have evidence of her saying flirty things back to the guy who said he wishes he could be in bed with her?

And the stuff that happened two years ago? That doesn't matter now. What matters is how she behaves now.

If she is flirting and clearly crossing boundaries with other men, then yes, I would say there is cause for concern. But if she hasn't been, and men have only been flirting with her, then perhaps she hasn't really done anything wrong?

Thanks for reply i dont have any evidence of her flirting back at that time , now i dont see her 24/7 i have bad anxiety and insecurities from my past relationships...

One of the snap chat guys i saw on her snap she was sending nudes to her years ago yes , but then he randomly posted his number ? right before she went away ? sounds fishy why randomly send a number to her that she had pass relation with .. just alot of things in my mind ..

And ya sorry im running on 3 hours of sleep the past 1 and a half day over this . and its 2 am here right now thanks for the reply .. hope i can get over this and hope its just me making a mountain over a mole hill ..

Also her snap chat score was going up alot the first week she left , and now it has lowered .. who knows if she deleted those guys snaps before i logged in or im just being paranoid for no reason and end up her breaking up with me .. blah

I suppose the phone number is perhaps a little concerning, but she still hasn't done anything wrong on her end. That's the guy giving her his number, not the other way around. Perhaps try to calm your anxieties and tell yourself that nothing has really happened on her end to worry about?

Yes , that is true . i dont want to go up to her and ask who is this why do u have his number ect , which would end up in a fight .. im not with her now and its killing me because i feel lost/depressed cant function or do anything .. sad how this can effect a person mentally .. i love her i miss her alot and she only gone 3 weeks just recently went back Monday . till hopefully end of month .. fingers crossed i have alot of things planned for us i never been this happy before just wish i didnt have emotions sometimes .

I feel like your anxiety is playing a big role here. I'd try to calm down and be less confrontational, otherwise the relationship may be ruined, although I understand your feelings.

I understand. But Mickey is right. Maybe read some articles about relationship anxiety while she is gone? Keep reminding yourself that she loves you, too.

I was a bit confused reading original post. How old are all these people? Sounded a bit high schoolish to me. Sending pics back and forth all the time and other things. Are these people teens?

I wonder if you are getting help with your adhd/ocd/anxiety/depression/panic attacks. If so, how is that going?

She was 21 at the time of her sending nude pics to those guys on her snap chat it was 2 years ago she is 23 and im 27 , we met 11 months ago . I personally dont like snap chat i find its the root of all evil in relationships . but thats just me

I do try , but everytime i google something , every advice i get is bad advice and that goes in the back of my mind and start panicking .. stuck with the "what ifs" and it bothers me i got work today and im dreading it i got no sleep at all from this .

Im taking medications , but dont seem to be doing good see my shrink next week to help with these its a struggle to fight that and deal with what im going through on top of it all .. some days i feel like jumping off the deep end .

Perhaps it would be a good thing to work with a therapist, if you're not doing it already?

I see a psychologist but dont seem to be working , just wish there was a way to not always think the worst over everything .. scared anxious all the time . still on my mind weird how this happened 2 years ago "had nothing to do with me" but just seeing nudes of my girlfriend sent to someone is gives a overwhelming feeling .. this also makes me upset why do i feel that way ?

I totally understand you. I think it's normal to feel as you feel. But you also need to understand that it's your anxiety bringing all these thoughts of jealousy. It seems that your gf is a victim of these other guys trying to seduce her into cheating on you. But it doesn't seem like she is trying to cheat on you. I'd say try giving her the benefit of the doubt. I'm sorry that medication and therapy don't seem to be helpful in this situation. All you can do is try to manage your thoughts. Maybe also try communicating with your gf what you've been going thru without being confrontational or accusing her of cheating. Just tell her how you feel.

Thanks for reply anxiety def making me feel the way i feel , just the thought of her sending nudes to another guy is just feels weird ? even tho it didnt concern me 2 years ago , i feel guilty and ashamed of myself for thinking of that , and we communicate every day while she is there , its been 3 weeks now and shes hoping to come back for good first week of November hopefully , fingers crossed .. and when was here for the weekend i mentioned how i feel about it and she said dont worry im not going to cheat or do anything to you and stop googling things i want to trust her i do but i been damned the past 3 relationships just always think all of them are the same .. i just hope this one isnt , as we are together 11 months next month . just miss her alot i get emotional alot as well when im home now with her feels like im attached perhaps like a drug i dont know just not well without her , sometimes i feel like falling off the deep end .. scary but hope everything will be ok .. thanks for the reply all . im hanging in here for now .

Update , girlfriend still away , looks like she is staying there for good , she got a new job weird enough she didnt mention to me till just today (she starts tommorow) now the question i got , does she want me to come move up with her , im going to school for 8 months i can prob go to school where she is at now but just curious on why she didnt tell me in the first place we talked before if she wants to move up there and get a job ill come with her but communication would of been good just feel like she doesnt actually love me ? i dont know im not well , kinda panicked on whats next , seen her last month for 2 weeks and no word of her getting a job , but i had a feeling she was hiding something , i dont know feel helpless bc she lives 5 hours away i see her next weekend she be home for the weekend .. just wish she had a job here not sure why she didnt ? i dont know dont make sense . any suggestions guys ? i feel depressed/anxious/pissed

Try not to feed into your anxieties and wait and see what she says when she comes back home for the weekend. She is still young at just 23 and if you crowd her and get too controlling she will distance. It's just that she is at that age where it's normal to want to be independent, that has nothing to do with you, just her stage of development.

It's a challenge to love someone and try to trust them and give them space. The thing is if she is going to cheat etc., then she will do it regardless and nothing you can do about it. You have to learn patience and given you stress that can be a challenge.

Your post was really hard to follow because it went all over the place.

If your girlfriend is using her snapchat account to cheat on you with other men, why would you stay with her?

I would dump her and try to date someone your own age. She sounds very social media dependent, and starved for attention online.

If she has received nude photos from men on her snapchat, she's definitely not being honest with you about her use of it. Time to dump her and date someone your own age who is more mature.

When was the last time she ever said anything about you moving to where she is.

Sounds to me like she was just not into you & the move gave her a chance to live her life the way she wants. If no commitment was made to stay faithful to each other when she left then she in theory is not cheating on you.....

Why in the world would you even want to stay with someone like her in the first place?

I was still married to my H when I left him (bad marriage)....being away convinced me that I never wanted to go back or have him come to my new home. Sometimes being away clarifies things for one person even though it leaves the other one up in the air until the state of the relationship is finally cleared up.

Yes just till then might im just going to overthink it , and she just turned 24 not make a difference still young , i just turned 28 , im glad for her we always chatted about getting a apartment together in halifax but she didnt mention anything when she was home perhaps she would think i would be upset for her ? i dont know i react solely on my emotions which is a no no but i cant seem to help myself , im talking to a counselor but it seems like its not helping . And ya if she cheats she cheats , which im hoping she dont but there i no way of me knowing . as snapchat is a app which is shady bc it deletes after 5 seconds she says she doesnt she wouldnt do that to me because she knows how i was treated past relationships , either way nothing i can do just long distance is hard for me not used to it . thanks for reply to .

She mentioned it when she first was up there to babysit her brother , and we both agreed we were not "broken up" and try the long distance relationship , and we both said we would move up if she wanted to get a job , shes very last second person , not sure why but shes been like that before she met me , i would come up with her and try getting a apartment together wihle she works and i go to school , ill have to have a big chat with her next weekend , to see why she didnt tell me and what the plans are for the future , we skype/talk every night but never mentioned it that she got the job just weird .. and i do because i want to give her the benefit of the doubt to see why she didnt tell me .. not sure if im just overthinking it all or just might be she is hiding something .