[saidso]

A friend told me about this forum and I read a few posts that made sense to me.
My situation is that I feel distressed and confused inside myself and outside I'm in a place where I have to organise a very detailed trip for work and organise two other people in my home.
One thing that seems important is to remember to be gentle... because gentleness is a fairly unknown quantity when I'm under pressure.
One thing that seems odd to me about myself is that I get invited to have coffee with some people and I... am too busy, I have another commitment, I don't like the coffee.
This seems unkind to myself, but I do always have another commitment.
One other thing is that I get critical of others when I isolate.
And I'm not sleeping well for the past few days.

I'm a survivor of violence... but I think this has more to do with being ignorant about normal relationship/ friendship behaviours, or at least ignorant about finding my own style and feeling confident about that.

Also - I was refused low cost relationship counselling and I can't afford the full fee variety. It was hard to reach out for help with that, so hurtful not to be acknowledged!

Saidso

[Skeezyks]

Hello Saidso: I believe this is your first posted thread here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[WishfulThinker66]

Hi and welcome aboard.

I detect that you are depressed about the inability to form relationships? This is but one form of self-isolation but I think all have the same result. We need interraction. Some however are so down they can't bring themselves to get out. For some the source is that they don't feel worth it and lack a sense of value. For others they simply lack the interest. Could this describe you? Are you wanting have the company of your peers or does your self-isolation stem from the reverse?

[saidso]

I do go out and I "know" lots of people where I live. Today I met two acquaintances by accident and we talked for about an hour each person. I see people in one sense of another every day.
But I grew up effectively without a family and am becoming conscious that I never created one.
I tend to befriend people who are unreliable about sustaining friendships: one friend has a controlling husband and son. She will cancel arrangements or not be around or not pick up the phone, she's aware that her friendships suffer. I see that's her choice at this point in life and it's positive that she can maintain with such demanding family members.

Actually I have two close women friends who have controlling husbands who take all their energy, one younger and one older. The older one came to stay with me while h was doing a project away from home. Then he phoned and she had to run to him in a terrible state of mind and I had to help her because she was so upset.

I still like those people. I find them interesting and I don't find all people around me interesting enough to become close friends.

I suppose that I'm like them in that I don't sustain friendship long-term over the years. Either I don't build them deep enough, or I'm not resigned enough to people's differences and foibles, or I'm not sure enough about my style of life and my choices.

People come to stay with me for weeks at a time, and I like that but find constant presence of other people also tiring. I relax into a different state of me when they leave.

Don't know if that makes sense, but perhaps writing about it might help unconsciously.

I am starting to notice more... wake myself up to... people whose presence I enjoy... and for the first time I find myself holding back on sometimes deserved negativity because it's more fun to enjoy.

I didn't realise the reason that people hold back before - because sometimes - perhaps - someone is too much fun to call them out because they are always late, they don't answer their phone or such stuff.

I begin to notice how different people affect me. Not the screaming type of notice, or dependency, but just my preferences.

Ummmmm…. I also need to spend time listening to myself. I can have a pretty severe dissociation if I let my listening to myself time slide. In a close friendship that needs explaining?

[MickeyCheeky]

Welcome From some things you wrote it would seem like you're more of an introvert. There's nothing wrong with that although even introverts will seek out company after a while.

[Fuzzybear]

It certainly does suck being refused low cost counselling/therapy and not being able to afford the full cost. I hope you find something helpful, I find online resources more helpful often than the “help” in this forest. A cave dweller