A friend encroaching onto my life

It took me a long time to notice the pattern.

I have a highly-intelligent and resourceful friend who frequently asks me for resources whenever she runs into problems in life. I have never questioned her before because at the time of asking, she acts desperate and I am overtaken by compassion.

It starts out something like this: "I really need help with [XYZ]...do you know anyone who can help?"

I refer her to some community resources. Then she comes back and asks me again. It turns out she never reached out to those resources. So I provide her again with the resources, giving her the benefit of doubt that maybe she forgot.

She comes back again, telling me that the resources I referred her to are "not helpful at all." She acts more deperate and ask, "Do you know anyone...do you know someone?" until I connect her with my resources (my community groups, my contacts). At that point, she suddenly calms down even if these people are not able to provide her with practical help. It seems strange because you would think someone would remain desperate as long as her problems are not solved.

I started to see the pattern after a long time that she is using her crisis to get to my connections.

Even when she is not in crisis, she has sought to know who I am close to, and started to get close to that person (without me first introducing that person to her).

Someone I consulted privately said, "She is encroaching onto your life." Why would someone do that?

Wow, I can only speculate as to why someone would do that. It seems kind of bizarre. But maybe she has issues with trust; trusting people, trusting her own judgement, but sees you and the people you're close to as a trustworthy and therefore wants to connect with them, through you. I really don't know, I'm just putting that out there. Hmmm.