One Complaint

I am getting much heavier, i am now almost chubby, I used to be very thin and it’s seriously distressing me. I love my fiancé like crazy but one complaint I have is he loves to eat and buy all junk food, I am eating with him every night and therefore I am gaining weight. I don’t exercise much and I know I should.. I am not good at it so the solution is not to exercise it off but to eat healthier foods. I try to eat healthy foods during the day and at work, but night times are the main problem. I have to go on a diet and have tried to tell him I need to eat healthier foods, but it still doesn’t happen. I am upset because we’re at the beach right now and I feel fat. I Am very weight conscious and self conscious. I’ve got to go on a diet for real!! I don’t know how to accomplish it except to eat totally separate foods from him. He says he loves how I look but I almost wonder if he wants me to be chubbier. He doesn’t listen when I say I want to eat healthy.

Maybe refuse to eat the same thing as him, or tell him you're worried for your physical health?

You don’t have to eat what he eats even if you two sit down to eat together. You can put smaller portion on the plate or only eat certain items. For example if you two eat chicken, you can eat smaller piece and salad with it and he can eat bigger piece and fries etc.

When you go out to eat you can order what suits you. Who cares what he orders. I understand it’s harder to lose weight if he is buying junk and you can’t say no so then maybe you should buy groceries and only healthy stuff. Just because he likes junk food it doesn’t mean you should. He can eat it but you dint have to

I do understand gain weight. I hit menopause and all of a sudden it’s impossible to lose weight. I do recommend excersize to burn calories and maybe do it as a couple.

My husband thinks I look great no matter what but I know excess way is bad for health regardless how I look.

You must be on vacation in hot climate. Beach? We had frost last night lol

Thank you both!

We don’t cook and we don’t shop (lately at least). We get takeout all the time. I try to get healthier dinners but he encourages me to eat the fried fattening foods .. and sweets too, which he’s always buying. I swear I think he wants me to gain weight!! I’m going to have to be very firm, put down my foot and just gain greater control over saying no to the more fattening foods. I may ask my therapist too. I think it’s odd that I tell him I want to lose weight and he keeps encouraging me to eat more, and all the wrong foods. He certainly doesn’t help me to eat healthy and it’s starting to get to me. Grrr

Try eating within a 12 hour time window - then you can to an extent share the same meals but just limit when you eat

Eat within 12-hour window to lose weight, say scientists - Telegraph

Yes and thank you.. I’m going to really watch what I eat when I’m not with him, be very healthy about it and strict with myself.

If you never cook and shop, then here is your answer why you gain weight. No judgement whatsoever as I gained when I hit 50 too. So I know all about weight gain but taking take outs all the time most certainly contributes to your weight. Honestly if i took carry outs daily I’d be 300lb. It’s a sure way to gain weight.

We eat out on Sundays. We eat home other days. It doesn’t mean we cook elaborate meals daily. You can cook in bulk. Turkey chili in a crock pot. Big pot of soup. Chicken breasts on grill. Add veggies. Etc we have no time to cook. We cook in bulk. You can freeze stuff

Honestly my husband would buy junk too if he could. I am not that nice lol I don’t allow it. He now got used to eating better.

Saying all that I struggle with weight lately too. Metabolism is just not there

Yes, less carbs and more veges should help you to keep the weight down, g_e. And if you drink artificially sweetened drinks, perhaps knock those on the head for a healthier replacement. You can do it g_e.

The way he is acting concerns me—the fact that he is being anti-supportive. I agree that it would be a good idea to discuss it with your therapist.

Just be careful and eat separately if it's necessary. He has to understand this is important for you.

Thanks divine. Yeah I feel matobolism plays a role, my age and us eating out all the time!

Thank you!

Thanks Bill. It concerns me too. I don’t like that. Sometimes he’s been supportive around it like when I say I need a salad for dinner. He’s supportive about other things... I just wonder if he wants me a little chubby??

Thanks Mickey. Yes, he does need to understand this. I’m going to definitely talk to my therapist about it.

And maybe he's just being a guy golden_eve, thinking dieting and eating salads, etc., is just a ladies thing - 'always worried about their weight' - but not fully understanding how important it is to you? Perhaps you could consider asking him outright to be a little more supportive in that area, for you. He'll listen. He sounds like a good guy.

But, yes. Talking to your therapist is a good idea as well.

Thanks mote! I have told him previously how important it is to me, how I am gaining weight and how much I need to watch what I eat, but then he seems to have dismissed that. He IS a very good man, but this confuses me.

Sure, I understand. Maybe there is a 'chubby factor' going on with him. Hard to say.

Or maybe it's just difficult for him to be consistently supportive around healthy eating/dieting, when he himself loves junk food?

Anyway, hang in there g_e. I'm sure you'll get some clarity over time.

Really good point! Thanks mote! I’m not sure exactly what it is.. he does seem to want a partner In crime often times. I do feel generally respected though, so that’s good.

My husband has a very stressful and dangerous job so there are times when he craves junk food to reward himself in sorts. In those cases I tell him go ahead and buy it but I don’t want anything or maybe a drink. I understand him craving it at times but I don’t partake. Another option is if he lets say wants to buy pizza, most pizza places have decent salads. Jett’s for example. When my husband craves Jett’s I tell him to get me a salad. I eat half and take half to lunch next day. You kind of eat from the same take out place just not the same foods.

I was always very thin up until about 3-4 years ago. I gained a ton of weight- maybe 70lbs over the past 3-4 years. My husband never commented when I was thin nor does he comment now that I am very over weight. We have been together for almost 20 years. He’s not really heavy but he loves food. I know the source of my weight gain is part age, part hormone issues and constant eating out or ordering in. I have not read all the comments but maybe your fiancé just likes you with a little more meat? Or maybe he just doesn’t notice one way or the other if you’ve gained or not. I would just highly stress to him that you still want to eat with him, but something different from what he’s having. If junk food is becoming an issue, weather it be candy, cake, potato chips, soda or whatever..just try swapping out with small changes. If you want to snack with him-then buy pop chips (they come in several flavors) or make pop corn-without butter. If he’s having..I don’t know...a cheesesteak or pizza for dinner...then get yourself a panini or a healthy version of pizza(gluten free, vegan, or a newer thing is cauliflower crust pizza). If he orders fried chicken, order yours baked. It’s okay if you want to watch your weight and he doesn’t want to watch his. Just tell him bluntly. “I love you, but I’m watching my waistline. So eat what you want and I’ll eat what I want and we can still enjoy our meals together”

I also wanted to add that if you don’t like to exercise then a walk will go a long way to burning a few calories. When it comes to walking for me-I always say anyone can do anything for 10 minutes. So if I don’t feel motivated to power walk-I go for a leasure walk and usually end up walking a good bit and building speed once I’m out there.

Thats difficult but I try to educate men about how bad that stuff is and also how much cheaper it is for you to shop and cook and how much fun it can be. Maybe watch top chef and have a friend come and cook with you. At first maybe make desserts and transition to healthier foods. Kind of like saying if you want your sweets you have to eat the healthy stuff. Maybe he doesnt like your cooking? I like stuff like stirfry my bf doesnt care for it. Every now and then i make it for myself. Also soup. Let him have his fast food on those nights. But make things he really likes to start following a recipe and he'll get used to it. Its like starting a dog on new dogfood lol. We crave what we eat all the time. He can crave carrots as much as burgers.

I dated endocrinologist once and I remember he told me that trick is that what goes in has to be less what comes out otherwise people gain weight. If one burns 2000 calories a day one either has to consistently eat less than 2k or exercise to burn more. Otherwise there is no way to lose or maintain weight

Thank you all for your replies! We’re traveling now for a few days so I can’t respond properly til we’re back on wed... thank you!!

I do have to take responsibility here since I feel like I am blaming him, when I can control what I eat. You make a good point here, Divine......

For me, the problem is I DO love all the food he eats, so when it's around and he encourages me, I do partake sometimes...... I have to learn how to control myself better around all the junkfood.... I do try to choose healthier options when they're available and when we eat out, so there is that...