When plans go astray again

Okay so I retired a few years ago and the plan was to travel and enjoy life. The problem is I didn’t realize how stuck I was after years of just work and home work and home, etc. So the last few years I have travelled a bit but I am finding myself becoming even more of a hermit but not intentionally. It’s so easy for me to just sit here and do nothing but eat and take naps. Which brings me to why I decided to post - I planned another trip which I’ve leaving for this weekend. However, I’m not really enjoying the thought of exploring the world and have shifted into panic mode. If I don’t travel it could be the end of any kind of motivation for me to get out of bed. I’m getting old and I need to believe (like everybody) that there’s is something out there besides panic and loneliness. I hope I can make it to the airport but I just feel it shouldn’t be like a death march but like another grand experience. Thanks I needed a journal entry.....

Jeez Mac. First, you're not old. You THINK you are old .Big difference. You are ,i think, 63. That's not old. If you were 93 maybe. Maybe you should try working part time or taking up new hobbies . Try different things. Maybe start a vlog on youtube. 'Old man abroad'. Mac , why is it that you have got yourself into this way of thinking. Did you feel like this when you were working?. Did something happen to knock your confidence?
I think you said you have tried counselling, but maybe it was the wrong sort of counselling. If travelling always makes you feel like this , why do it? Or do you feel better once you get somewhere. What are your interests? I know you're lonely. I think half the world is loony ...sorry lonely... typo... maybe not.

You and my mother in law would make great friends. She just retired less than a year ago. She loves to travel as much as she can but she also enjoys spending time with her grandchildren. She's been single for over a decade now but that is by choice. She has a year of remodeling her house planned out. But i think she is getting to that point where she wants to feel more productive. Maybe the way she used to be when she was working. So maybe taking up a hobby or a low-stress part time job would be nice.

Ugh, you are too young to get stuck. I am stuck due to $$$$ but at least I am stuck in a historically rich town I moved to & am surrounded by close things to explore & do & I have no end of things I can be involved in volunteering locally. At 65 I am more involved in life than I was when working at me computer engineering career 70 hours a week.

Time to enjoy life now even if not traveling. Engage with the world around you

[QUOTE=eskielover;6303535]Ugh, you are too young to get stuck. I am stuck due to $$$$ but at least I am stuck in a historically rich town I moved to & am surrounded by close things to explore & do & I have no end of things I can be involved in volunteering locally. At 65 I am more involved in life than I was when working at me computer engineering career 70 hours a week.

Time to enjoy life now even if not traveling. Engage with the world around you[/QUOTE

Thanks everyone, I wrote this because I’m feeling panicky about just going to the airport. It’s an old demon - I used to travel for work and always got super anxious before going. It got worse as the exit hour approached. I’m traveling because if I don’t I feel I might just give up and become a shut in. I remember my parents during their senior years and they sat around and watched TV and just sort of died. I told myself I wasn’t going to do that and planned accordingly. But like I said its not that easy because of the intensity of just getting out there. I could stop traveling but that seems like a cop out from what I planned. I don’t know I’m just really disappointed with life (mainly because of the loneliness and the fact that I’m still dealing with my anxiety) but I gotta do something to prove that I’m still in the game - ugh!!!!

Hang in there.. know that it’s an obstacle to get through (the anxiety) but keep the thought in your head that you will be glad you overcame it and traveled in the end. Staying at home all the time waiting until death is no way to exit from life. That sounds horrid... if you are capable of being mobile on your feet still, take advantage of your good health while you still can.. you will be grateful that you did. Life is meant to be lived, not watched.. live while you can and soak up the beauty of traveling. Even if you’re lonely you can meet lots of interesting people who can make it worthwhile, plus seeing different scenery and a different culture... all of which enriches the self. Live while you can!!!

Just thought i'd wish you well for your trip this weekend and i'm sure all us 'not-so-old timers' concur. Do you think you have dysthymia mac. I'm sure i do. Do you find enjoyment in anything. When you have it and are older it's easy to isolate and spend days not seeing anyone,eating rubbish, watching rubbish tv and sleeping badly. OMG daytime tv is enough to send you to an early grave. On the occasional days when i don't go out i find it easy to become a couch potato. I don't know if it's the same in america but the daytime adverts. Mein Gott!!!! stair lifts , funeral plans,life assurance, meal delivery, bath aids etc etc. All done in a very patronising way and soooo depressing.
Anyway have a good time and tell us about it when you come back.

What you're feeling is normal, but please remember that life isn't over yet. There's still so much to do

I had to retire early bc of health. I don't get the chance to travel, but I do a lot here at home. I also have gotten where I don't want to get out. And I don't want to be around other people. I haven't worked from June 2009, and It seems like I have become as you described. I hope that at some point I will want to be in the world again. I have realized that I have to make my self get up, and out, and it can be very hard for me to do. I hope, and pray that you make your self take this trip. Once you have started to go, like get to the airport, hopefully you will get excited about your trip.

I’ve traveled before many times. Part of the problem is I have a lot of alone time to think and this becomes self defeating. The thoughts are generally anxiety ridden reflecting what can go wrong. I’m very frustrated at this point because I’ve gone through years of therapy and meds and hoped that I’d be much more comfortable in my skin. I hope you can figure out a way to get self motivated - I know there is no magic bullet and you need to be the cure. If I sit here and do nothing it will be bad news health-wise. Perhaps I’ll use that as a stick. Bottom line is I need to do this or become something I don’t like very much. Like I said good luck and stay as mobile as you can 👍👍👍👍

Thanks you’re always around 👍

Well I like food and naps - but you need more like exercise (I walk okay!) - I got other issues like not really trying to connect to others. We’re social animals and I’m convinced that my lack thereof is killing me... Actually traveling alone makes me connect more - you gotta talk to people to get around.... thanks

Well I live in Seattle - it’s a pretty happening place... I’m just allowing myself to be nonproductive. I guess I’m lazy by nature and I really need to be mandated to move (like a trip). Man it’s easy just to do nothing.....

Got some hikes planned - this could be physical 😳

That sounds great. Where are you going?
Yeah, without motivation it's easy to do nothing so i know what you mean. One reason i go to the sports centre. I've got another surgery coming up so that will mean another enforced lay off. While it is nice to chill now and again that can become a way of life and before you know it you're not going out, doing nothing etc, etc. I'd imagine Seattle is a pretty cool place.

We were just discussing this at my support group - the anxiety associated with the unknown future and inability to predict it. Most of us were scared about reaching retirement age and being unable to take advantage of it. Others were worried at how retirement would change their lifestyle. Becoming isolated was probably the biggest fear all agreed upon.

Wow, you are not yet of retirement age yet you have the ability and security to enjoy the freedoms that most wish would come with it. How very fortunate you are.

Question: Do you have the opportunity to engage other people and build relationships on your travels?

I have done some overseas travel and was lucky enough to meet others and strike up conversations with strangers - folks who became lasting friends. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that travelling (and doing so alone) need not be an activity which isolates ourselves. Indeed, one of my favourite activities holidaying is to meet people - whether that be in the next campsite over, the person standing beside you admiring a painting in a foreign art gallery, or joining another single traveller for a cup of coffee in Paris.I say take advantage of your trips to the full extent you can.

Santa Fe New Mexico - not leaving the country..., it’s high desert and very scenic.

when I was a kid (age 6 -16) I always traveled on the Sante Fe Railroad from Los Angeles to Topeka Kansas every summer to stay with my grandparents. The train always went through Sante Fe NM. It us a gorgeous area of the country. I liked traveling by train. Saw a lot of the country & enough time to meet the people traveling with you.....but then even on the red eye flights I took this last summer it was amazing finding things in common with the people seated around me.....most interesting conversations