[Rose76]

My s/o's adult kids came to visit. Suposedly their dad doesn't have a whole lot longer to live. So, after years of not seeing these people, now they fly out to demonstrate how loving they are. They came for just a few days, staying at a fancy hotel. They partied non-stop the whole time. They took family photos - none of which I was asked to be in. We all went out to eat. I felt like a hired attendant - there mainly to take Dad to the bathroom. When I tried to join in conversation, no one seemed interested in anything I had to say. They're real loud types. I'm not. One nice photo they took of their dad happened to capture half of my face. I feel taken for granted.

They're gone. Tonight I cooked dinner for my s/o and me. Cooked, served and partially cleaned up. I sat down to have coffee and desert in front of the TV with my s/o. I was in a good mood. I told him how the evening was my happy time . . . how I liked sitting with him having my single nightly glass of wine with dinner . . . then viewing something on TV together, sipping coffee. No sooner had I sat down and got comfortable, than he announced he's going to sleep. I got mad.

"Well, don't stay up on my account." I got mad. I felt like he was dismissing me. Having availed himself of my services as cook and waitress, he had no further use for me this evening. Just as I'm sitting down to enjoy us relaxing together, he announces that he is ready to retire. I had a bite of dessert in my mouth. I told him I was sick of always feeling rushed. So he's in sleep mode now, and I feel lonely. He will summon me when he needs something.

I can spend hours being attentive to him. He expects it of me. But he doesn't think to try and be companionable to me. I got so full of resentment, I even told him about how I felt excluded when his family was visiting and arranging poses for photographs that I was not asked to be in. He is mobility impaired seriously. I assisted him to get out and meet up with his visitors for dinners. I did all I could to facilitate him having a nice reunion with his kids. But when I mentioned talking on the phone to one of my relatives, he said he had no interest in hearing about my family. I'm sick of this.

I could simply stop being his caregiver. Then he would go to a nursing home. I'm ruining my life staying with him.

At the same time. I think I'm being very childish.

[MickeyCheeky]

You're not being childish at all. I'm sorry you're being taken for granted...

[divine1966]

Not childish whatsoever. I feel very sorry that they all take you for granted. I have no suggestions here, just hugs.

[Rose76]

They want us to fly out to where they are for Christmas. Even if he's well enough, which is very iffy, I don't know that I want to go and be with them.

I feel so whiny always resenting them. But it's based on years of them showing little warmth toward me.

[healingme4me]

there's nothing whiny about not wanting to subject yourself to their rude and inconsiderate behavior.

[eskielover]

It was hard enough work getting him out to dinner with his kids. Multiply the difficulty level with travel & flying even with the help of the airline. I wouldn't even consider it if it were me. Add to that how they treat you. I would tell him if he wants to go that bad he can arrange it for himself & just travel alone.

I would feel seriously taken advantage of & disregarded by his family. I would distance as much as possible right now while these feelings are so strong & see where they go in the future.

[Rose76]

Thanks for the responses above.

You make a realistic point, eskie. Just getting through their visit wore me out. I am not a young woman. Getting him to a destination thousands of miles away and keeping him clean with no handicap-accessible bathroom could be quite an undertaking. These folk like to party full-tilt boggie. I'll be surrounded by people there, but it will be lonely for me. They have no interest in conversing with me, or getting to know me. I have no interest in their manner of socialising. It's all uproarious laughter over one line jokes. That's all they know how to do. Actually, they bore me to death.

I feel a bit better tonight. My s/o was nicer today

[eskielover]

After traveling alone by airline from Ky to Ca round trip & experiencing how difficult & exhausting it was without dealing with a disabled person.....I wouldn't even consider it.

I think it was kind of you to accommodate the whole ordeal for the benefit of your significant other. It sounds like you’ve done more than enough at this point though. Feelings of resentment are always a red flag to me that I need to back away from a situation, to stop over-extending myself. I usually find that underneath my anger is sadness. Best wishes to you. ❤️❤️

Lot of people take people for granted and think they have some rightto have call on your time when it suits them. I have a friend who gets all his work done and then thinks i have nothing to do but spend time in coffee shop.

at weekend he is with his family . i do not have family my folks are dead. but when he has no one else calles me.. i do not go as would not let someone take advantage of me like that. all of my so called friends seem to be users

He is a decent person though he may not be aware he does it. or i am depressed or paranoid

[MickeyCheeky]

((((LonelyMan))))

((((Rose76)))) How are things going?

[Rose76]

Fairly okay. He was recently in the hospital for a week. I thought he wasn't going to make it. But he's recovered amazingly. A doctor told him he would have been long dead without my seeing to it he got all needed care. That is most likely the simple reality. At times I'm very content being with him. We likely have another Chrismas together. A year ago that seemed improbable.

I will miss him terribly. Yet, sometimes I wonder how long will this go on. He's reasonably comfortable most of the time. But even just taking a shower seems to be almost beyond his strength. He keeps getting pneumonia. Eventually he won't be able to recover. (They're running out of antibiotics to use, as the bugs in his system build up more and more resistance.) I hope the final days won't be awful for him. I'll manage okay; I've done this before.

After their visit, his kids were texting me every second day. They've since lost interest. I text them updates, which they don't even acknowledge. No surprise there. I've had decades of their being only half interested. He leaves no assets behind, so that's the way that goes.

I'm not keeping up with things as well as I used to do.