I feel defeated

I am tormented most days by the fear of not being good enough. that my boyfriend doesn't truely love me, and he wants to be with someone else. I don't think he will cheat on me.. I just have this fear that he's settling for me, that in his mind he wants someone else. I don't enjoy sex because I imagine he is thinking of someone else.

That is all I think about when I am alone with my thoughts. I try self talk "What evidence do I have? , what can and can't I control in this situation?" But no matter how hard I try to encourage these thoughts I end up in a downward spiral, where the only coping mechanism I have is to numb myself and feel depressed.

Maybe I am just one of those people with 'abandonment and trust issues"? And this is something I need to accept. Maybe I'll end up alone and that is my fate because my intense need to be accepted and loved means I just push myself away.

I have a memory of my narcissistic ex asking me "What can you bring to the table?" Telling me I had issues and saying that if we had kids I wasn't going to parent them because he didn't want them to turn out like me.

Now I feel it's expected that I get over my past. People say "That's horrible but your current bf is different. you need to work on it and get over It."
If only it was that easy. I feel like I'm broken beyond repair.

What do happy people think of? I can't imagine not having self loathing thoughts

Lack of communication and unwillingness to compromise will kill a relationship faster than just about anything. If you can't trust your boyfriend to hear you out, and put your fears at ease what else aren't you telling each other?

Hi—sorry you’re wrestling with your thoughts this way.
I read that sentence, and I thought it was really a horrible, mean and devaluing thing for one human being to say to another—especially in a relationship that is truly supposed to be close and loving. That devaluing thing that narcissists do: it’s endless, it’s destructive, it keeps you off-balance during the relationship, and stays around long after you’ve escaped them, filling you always full of self-doubt.

I'm only now realising how messed up it was. At the time, it felt normal.

Oh my... that is a HORRIBLE thing for your ex to have said!!!! Omgosh..... WOW. That is so very hurtful and harmful to someone. NO wonder you're having issues with your current relationship and with not feeling good enough. Please do not embrace what your ex said to you. Love yourself..... love all that you are because I am sure you are a very lovely person with SO much to offer someone.

Do you see a therapist? I think that would really help you to work out these negative thoughts you are having.

It hurts me now more than it did then. Back then I was used to it. I do try and love myself everyday but it's a battle. I have seen a therapist but h avent talked to them in depth about my previous relationship. I probably shoudl talk to someone because the more I think about it the more I realise what an impact it's had on me

Yes, please talk to your T. I'm sorry about what your ex said to you

Yes, I can relate to this very much. Sometimes words don't sink in or sting until much later.... it can take time but then it haunts you. I know this feeling very well after I had an abusive ex tell me he loved his other ex more than me, after I had taken great care of him and supported him for four months financially. OUCH. Who the hell says such a thing? It's practically demonic.

So, my point is: you have to wonder: what kind of MONSTER says such an inhuman thing to another human being. That's how you have to view what your ex said to you. That was inhuman..... not what a loving partner says to someone. He was not loving.. that is the opposite of love.

Please view him as a monster..... and yes, I think it would be great to talk all of this over with your therapist. ((((Hugs))))