How do you make it work together?

To those in a relationship where you both have mental health problems... how the hell do you make it work?

Another one bites the dust for me, and I'm making the most of this time to try and process everything and work on myself now. But looking to the future... I see myself being forever alone.

This isn't so bad; I have a family and friends. But it feels like I'll never have anything meaningful again.

We both brought out the best in each other, but also the worst. And the worst aspects won out yet again.

Hello NyaFire: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

Here are links to a selection of 9 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of interest:

When Multiple People Have A Mental Illness In The Family | Bipolar Parenting

15 Ways To Support a Loved One with Serious Mental Illness

The Top 5 Realities of Dating Someone With a Mental Illness

5 More Tips for Finding Love with a Mental Illness

What I've Learned about Relationships and Mental Illness

https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-me...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/recover...-and-breakups/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tip...-broken-heart/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-po...of-heartbreak/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Thank you. This is a good starting point. I don't believe there's any salvaging the relationship but the least I can do is live and learn. I'm borderline, he's schizotypal. It was a mess. We saw issues from very different perspectives and I don't think there will be any changing that unfortunately.

It just hurts and I want to learn to better myself from it.

Well this is long-term relationship number three for the both of us. He has diagnosed anxiety problems; I am bipolar (I live with a tremendous amount of anxiety too not to mention horrible bouts of depression).

How are we managing? Well as we both have mental health issue we both have an understanding of what is troubling us. Him to a lesser extent though. Admittedly it is a challenge for him to see me go through the extremes of anxiety and distress that are worse than his own.

But we are relatively okay. We set boundaries and expectations early on. And we communicate. Yes, communicate, communicate, communicate.

/\ /\ "..Boundaries and Expectations" Yes yes yes, THIS!

Fiance' (aka Crazyman) has serious anxiety/panic attacks, mixed with Complex PTSD of very long standing. I'm Aspie-Lite(ish) mixed with anxiety. We had to get a lot of things worked out re expectations, and boundaries are a work-in-progress ALWAYS, imo. This applies, I think, even for people who have no known MH/Spectrum glitches.

Challenges still arise. F.e., I'm drama-averse and don't do LOUD at all well; when he is over-excited or any other version of upset, he gets in my face and yells. Happens with decreasing frequency and we're much more aware of those potential situations before they happen now, than earlier, so -- it's a mark of progress.

Being aware of each other's Hot Buttons (and I don't mean little aggravations, but the really big Don't-Go-There essentials) is imo absolutely vital from the start.

WishfulThinker /\ above emphasizes communicating: Yes indeed -- but be sensitive and aware of what that looks like in your relationship! When one partner goes silent and isolates, that doesn't necessarily mean "I don't love you and I don't care what you have to say!" It can mean " I'm bloody overwhelmed and need time to process what's going on -- I'll be out of my cave when I've my wounds licked and my head screwed back on."

If partner #2 doesn't grok this and gets clingy, or diverts him/herself with a lot of socially demanding distraction, it could be read the same way: "Well, so much for that, I guess our issues aren't important to YOU!"

It's easy to get crossways.

Biggest help of ever imo? Know each other really, really well. And listen to yourself -- what you really said, as opposed to what you thought you meant. lol That sounds confusing, but it is a huge stumbling block -- and Crazyman & I have known each other 30 years!

It can be done, and it's worth it -- but it's a commitment.

All the best,

Chyia, of the I'm-Cold-He's- Fire Battle Scars heh.