[Pinocchio46]

Hello everyone,

I am student currently studying at University in the UK. There is a girl in my building who I really like and I've spent a lot of time with, during which time I've slowly started to develop feelings for.

It's really the first time I've ever felt like this, and the first time I've ever thought maybe she would be into me too. Things were starting to go really well but I had a breakdown over the past month, during which time I self harmed and tried to kill myself.

I'd just come off my meds and felt really unstable. I leant on her a lot, and I think it was maybe too much looking back, however she says it is all fine.

Now I'm feeling better and calmer and I am worried I have ruined whatever chance I might have had with this girl, that she would not want to be with me for fear if something went wrong I'd try to hurt myself again.

I want to take things slow, to be present in the moment, and hope a relationship develops organically. However I'm really upset when I think I may have ruined any potential relationship because I was starting to like this girl, I felt we had a real connection developing. She doesn't know I like her, and I don't know if she likes me for sure, but I defiantly believe I felt something growing.

So, my question is? Would her seeing me through these tough times turn her off me in a romantic sense? And, if they have initially, is it possible for time to heal these wounds? Is it possible for her to see me as a life partner or will I just be that friend with the issues?

[s4ndm4n2006]

No one here can truly answer for her. Depends on her limits of what she can endure.

thing is if she's not one that can endure through your troubled moments, you need to ask yourself should you be worried she will be scared away or be glad to find out she wasn't strong enough for you?

[Pinocchio46]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

No one here can truly answer for her. Depends on her limits of what she can endure.

thing is if she's not one that can endure through your troubled moments, you need to ask yourself should you be worried she will be scared away or be glad to find out she wasn't strong enough for you?

Yeah, you're right.

She endured quite a lot, the suicide attempt and the self harm, and things were still going well. But I think it became a bit too much last week, and that's when I really decided to get help.

I'm just going to try and take it slow again, to give her some space for the rest of the week and then just try to be present and in the moment next time we see each other, as I was before.

I know if it's meant to be it'll be, and I'm hopeful given time she will be able to see past what happened to me and hopefully see me in that way. I just don't want to get my hopes up unnecessarily.

My advice is to talk to her when you've proved you're stable, I'm not sure from your posts if she feels more than friendship for you, but I do know she cares about you, otherwise she wouldn't of been there for you

[Pinocchio46]

Originally Posted by whispershadow

My advice is to talk to her when you've proved you're stable, I'm not sure from your posts if she feels more than friendship for you, but I do know she cares about you, otherwise she wouldn't of been there for you

To be honest I'm not sure if she sees me as more than a friend either, but I feel like our relationship was growing and the signs were looking good, from what I've gathered from my friends.

I just hope given time she can see past my hiccup and hopefully something could start to grow again.

I just have to give it time and be hopeful I guess. I'm just devastated it all happened when it did because I think I really did like her, and I won't know what could've been if it hadn't been for my breakdown.

[treevoice]

Hi there,

Seems like you've got some good advice. If she can't handle your downs, she may not be the best person for you. However, it sounds like she has stuck it out this far. It's hard to say what may be possible and ultimately that's up to her. But do try to value her for what she has been for you even if nothing more comes of it. Some people are just there to be support and might not be the best match romantically - but even if that turns out to be the case, you can still be grateful for her friendship. A good friend is hard to come by and it always breaks my heart when those friendships end because of a lack of romantic connection. When in doubt, just ask. Communication is the only way to really know.

[Pinocchio46]

Originally Posted by treevoice

Hi there,

Seems like you've got some good advice. If she can't handle your downs, she may not be the best person for you. However, it sounds like she has stuck it out this far. It's hard to say what may be possible and ultimately that's up to her. But do try to value her for what she has been for you even if nothing more comes of it. Some people are just there to be support and might not be the best match romantically - but even if that turns out to be the case, you can still be grateful for her friendship. A good friend is hard to come by and it always breaks my heart when those friendships end because of a lack of romantic connection. When in doubt, just ask. Communication is the only way to really know.

Of course, there is defiantly no way I want to lose her as a friend, in all honesty that's one of the reasons why I have been taking it so slowly with her.

I know I want this girl in my life one way or the other.

I'm suppose I am just worried she won't ever want to be with me for fear of what I would do should we break up, (at least this is what a friend told me might be the case), and I really hope that isn't so.

All I can do is just give it time and see if it starts developing organically again, if it's meant to be it will be

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Pinocchio46

Yeah, you're right.

She endured quite a lot, the suicide attempt and the self harm, and things were still going well. But I think it became a bit too much last week, and that's when I really decided to get help.

I'm just going to try and take it slow again, to give her some space for the rest of the week and then just try to be present and in the moment next time we see each other, as I was before.

I know if it's meant to be it'll be, and I'm hopeful given time she will be able to see past what happened to me and hopefully see me in that way. I just don't want to get my hopes up unnecessarily.

I would honestly not worry about her, and take care of you, period. I mean, with issues as severe as what you mentioned (which btw should be tagged as potentially triggering) I don't think you should honestly split your focus by worrying about someone else, for now. Get healthier and stronger and things will work out for the better.

[mote.of.soul]

Brother, it sounds to me like you've exagerated things in your mind. It sounds to me like she is just a person getting on with her own life, but in your mind you believe there might be a relationshtp - where there actually is none.

My feelings are that the best thing for you is to forget about her, destroy the obsession - because that's what it is - and focus primarily on your own life. You're focusing too much on this person and it's not doing you any good. Forget about her. It's all in your mind brother.

Let go, please. Focus on your goals instead.

[divine1966]

Was there a reason you had to go off meds? It clearly caused you ton of problems. Have you been consulting with your doctor? Did doctor advice you to go off meds? I’d focus on getting proper treatment and not worry about the girl at the moment.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Pinocchio46)))) Perhaps now it's not the best moment to develop a relationship. Try to focus on yourself, become stable again, and be friends with her. After that, you may consider a relationship with this girl