I may have an anxious attachment style. Or be on that spectrum. Not a bad thing, but I've been talking to someone who has been really triggering this attachment in me, who I really like, but who is pretty lukewarm and mellow towards me.

The weird thing is, and please DO NOT JUDGE ME, we only talked for like four days, and I found myself really liking him, and wanting more. I couldn't help it. Like I was like wanting him to text more and give me more attention. It almost felt like I was being breadcrumbed, if anyone knows what that means. When he gives a little, but not a lot. Not enough. I almost wondered if he had avoidant attachment. Or just was not that interested / keeping his options open, etc.

Weirder, I found myself going back on the dating site only to see if he was on there. He was. And that triggered me too. I ended up breaking off communication with him. That was a week ago.

I have been really on and off lonely for the past week. I didn't even connect it to not dating, etc. But that was a change in the last week.

I ended up impulse messaging him last night. I apologized to him. I told him I have been on and off depressed, which I thought was true, but I think the more accurate thing is that he triggered me and we may not be the best dating partners.

He responded, and said "well to be honest, it did get kind of weird pretty quick. But we can chat if you want. I'm not promising anything about where it's going. We can just see how it goes." I was a bit turned off by this. I was happy that he wanted to still chat. But he called me weird. And he didn't express concern or care. And I have heard that men know faster than women about if they really like someone, and he sounds like he's just looking for a texting buddy or something. Or he's definitely in a different place. He also lives 3 hours away from me, so talking to someone so lukewarm doesn't feel worth it to me.

I'm really attracted to him physically, but I think this is the wrong dating situation for me. Especially since I get so triggered by our interactions. Like I was literally sad that he wasn't texting me much. It was weird.

I want to date someone who pursues me and expresses interest and like. And I don't think it's too much to ask for reassurance. Yes, I needed it super early with this guy, but I'm pretty sure it is because he was already triggering me.

I guess I know what is best for me. Writing it out helped though.

I'm open to supportive and helpful comments though. Thx.

I have found I am the same way with someone who seems more aloof or distant. I wonder what he meant by things got weird? If someone is lukewarm and not giving strong signals of interest I’d probably back away if it were me.

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I have found I am the same way with someone who seems more aloof or distant. I wonder what he meant by things got weird? If someone is lukewarm and not giving strong signals of interest I’d probably back away if it were me.

I think he was commenting on my insecurity. That's how I took it. I had expressed to him once that he didn't seem interested. He did say, in response, that he was.

Aloof and distant are really good words to use, yes, that's what he seemed.

When I broke off communication, it was when I had asked if he wanted to talk on the phone last weekend. He answer was pretty lackadaisical. He said something like "Maybe Friday. I'll be at a friend's for a party, so it just depends on how late I get out." He didn't give an alternative day (Saturday or Sunday), and he just didn't seem enthusiastic. I didn't feel pursued and it just didn't feel like he was interested.

I honestly think this: yes, he was interested. But mildly so, and he was keeping his options open, and he was possibly avoidant. And I need something more than that. Especially if I'm into the person. He was on the dating site, and that made me feel weird too. Because I was too, but I wasn't online.

Yeah. it did "get weird," but it wasn't all my fault that it got weird. Part of it was him.

I dated a very lukewarm person in the summer of 2017, and got burned. So I'm not doing it again. He was just like this guy. Very sexually attracted, and way too lukewarm and aloof, and it made me sad.

Yes, I'm attracted to and drawn to these types of guys. But that doesn't mean I have to date them.

[s4ndm4n2006]

well you admit it did get weird and although it matters very little, he may have an aversion to someone getting too attached too quick. Of course I'm going to assume that's the vibe he is referring to as getting weird fast. But that is not at all saying that it was wrong on your part or anything just saying that may be his reaction to it. In any case tho, if that's true and you know you're the type of person that has what you call anxious attachment, he's probably not the right kind of guy for you anyway. Likely YOU dodged a bullet there. I mean if a guy (or girl) is only partially motivated to be involved in a relationship is that really a good place to start? I would think in most if not almost all cases both people at least should be a bit excited and full of anxiousness regarding the person they are interested in becoming involved with or are involved with.

Physical attraction in my opinion is very important but absolutely is not enough for a fully successful relationship, if it's only physical attraction the relationship will really be one dimensional and won't last.

I would never go for a girl that seemed aloof at the start. you can do better and I'm sure you will

[Bill3]

I admire how you look carefully at a situation and figure out how best to respond.

Thanks everyone. I feel resolved about this and like I'm okay.