With winter Holidays coming up, there are get-togethers where I may not be able to avoid a certain toxic person. I was able to get away with not seeing her at all during Thanksgiving but it wouldn't make sense for me to constantly be a "no-show" for family and mutual friends just to avoid her.

My fear is that once I let my guard down, I will end up relaxing my boundaries with that person. So I force myself emotionally inside to not feel any sympatahy for her, reminding myself, "I've been through this so many times for years: Once I open the door, the cycle of her emotional manipulation will begin all over again."

I wish I could be like some people who are able to have sympathy for the toxic person but at the same time able to be very confident and firm with their "No." How do you balance sympathy with firm boundaries?

[Rainstoppedplay]

Stop believing you've 'got' to sympathize with this person. They don't deserve sympathy. Be polite, neutral, nod and smile. Say as little as possible.
No good wasting compassion on a person who has none for you.

[Miss P]

Great thread, and brill response from above. Thanks to both! I'm sorry I've no great insight, just wanted to give support. I'm on board with above, give as little of you, as is possible. I read the advice, look at this person, give them every reason to think your listening, but don't pay them any due attention, that betrays you. Let us know how you go ((hugs))

Is it possible to remove yourself in parts, rather than completely abandon your family events. For instance, if you find yourself drained of energy, remove yourself from that situation immediately, find the door and go. You may find this actions effects the other person, who may then make an effort to change their actions, find another person to latch to, make a bigger effort to adjust to your needs, or not. Put yourself first and in doing that you may then sympathize affectively. Rain makes a good point, to best protect yourself, remain neutral, nod and smile