Avoiding this person

I'm female. I had an emotional affair with my (male) best friend and artistic partner. A year and a half ago we cut off contact, which I'm only now starting to accept.

Another dear friend of mine, female, is doing an artistic project with him and some other people, and invited me to come to their opening.

I want to support her, she always supports me. But I don't want to risk feeling devastated by being around him and seeing him perform without me. I'm still pretty affected by the loss of my friend.

Wondering if going to this will be a step forward in getting over this or a step backward into another hole of grief. Wondering if anyone can relate or has maybe been in this situation.

I'm sorry the situation you describe is not one I would be able to relate to. But I noticed no one had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would.

My personal perspective on the situation you describe is that how you will react, if you go, is something you won't know until you've done it. However if you don't go, you'll never know & you may regret it after the fact. But at that point there won't be anything you can do about it. So my suggestion, for what it's worth, would be to take the risk & go.

There's a quote I'm fond of that is said to be advice the 11th century Buddhist yogini Machig Labdrön received from her teacher. It goes:

"Confess your hidden faults.
"Approach what you find repulsive.
"Help those you think you cannot help.
"Anything you are attached to, let it go.
"Go to places that scare you."

My recommendation is to go to places that scare you.

I'm so sorry you're struggling, FindingVoice Personally, I don't think you have any obligation to go. You cut off contacts with him for a reason, and seeing him again may only get things worse. That's only my opinion, though. You can easily decide to go, as well. In any case, if you decide not to go, I think your friend will (hopefully) understand the situation you're in and possibly won't put too much pressure on you to go. Let us know how it goes! I'm sorry you have to deal with this

Experiencing grief is the path to overcoming loss.

Therefore, if after further reflection you are still having trouble deciding, then my advice would be to err on the sides of supporting your friend and further experiencing your grief.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Hello, Finding.

I'm so sorry for the pain you've been enduring. I've been in similar situations myself in the past and they're awful. (I too am female). For that reason I'm going to come down strongly on the side of your not attending the event.

Your good friend, if she is a good friend, will totally understand your absence once you've explained the situation to her, I am sure.

But for heaven's sake, if you are just now beginning to rise up out of your pain, I certainly wouldn't take the risk of starting it all over again by exposing yourself needlessly to this former friend.

I wish you well and hope that whatever choice you make, you won't be too badly hurt.