[DechanDawa]

I live alone and am socially isolated and unemployed. I have no family nearby and now not a single friend. I have become more and more isolated.

Have been trying to get help but so far just go deeper into a pit of despair.

Now I feel I have entered a new weird territory where I don't have much of a personality. I have no idea how I am perceived by others.

I think this is because when alone one doesn't really need a personality. I live in silence. Lately I find myself wondering why others talk so much.

I have opinions about everything but don't see the need to talk about anything.


I also think I am very irritable because I get really irritated by other people. Mostly people in authority. Like my primary care doctor and my apartment property manager. I just feel like people are always doing things and saying things that make no sense.

Dechan isolating too much isn't a good thing

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by whispershadow

Dechan isolating too much isn't a good thing

It didn't happen by choice. It was circumstances.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling If it can help a little bit... we're here to listen. We care about you.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you're struggling If it can help a little bit... we're here to listen. We care about you.

Sweetie! There you are. You are the most loyal, ever-present member on Psych Central. You should get an Oscar like prize because you are truly a STAR. Really! You make me smile. Thank you.

[TishaBuv]

It’s true, we never know how we are perceived by others in any circumstance. I’ve been surprised by this, too, thinking others think well of me and learning they don’t even think of me at all.

I’m sorry you are struggling like this.

Not to tout any particular religion, but I have found an interesting website, powerofspeech.org
There is a daily lesson about proper speech, and it’s true, very little is helpful and necessary to say. (I hope my comment here is helpful)

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It’s true, we never know how we are perceived by others in any circumstance. I’ve been surprised by this, too, thinking others think well of me and learning they don’t even think of me at all.

I’m sorry you are struggling like this.

Not to tout any particular religion, but I have found an interesting website, powerofspeech.org
There is a daily lesson about proper speech, and it’s true, very little is helpful and necessary to say. (I hope my comment here is helpful)

Yes, this was actually really helpful. It is helpful to consider that others aren't thinking about me at all. That would actually be my best case scenerio. I just don't want to come off as weird or eccentric. I am not a loud talker or too emotional but I worry I may have developed a flat affect. I'll check out that website. Thanks, you are also such a sweetie. I hope you are well.

[katydid777]

D,D you have all of us! We may not be at your door step, but you can always come here, and be able to talk with people here! (((((((HUGS)))))))

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by katydid777

D,D you have all of us! We may not be at your door step, but you can always come here, and be able to talk with people here! (((((((HUGS)))))))

You know, Psych Central just rocks. It is the very best mental health community. I have learned so much from the people here. Yeah, and been comforted. Thanks. It feels soooooooooo good to be understood and listened to without bias.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Yes, this was actually really helpful. It is helpful to consider that others aren't thinking about me at all. That would actually be my best case scenerio. I just don't want to come off as weird or eccentric. I am not a loud talker or too emotional but I worry I may have developed a flat affect. I'll check out that website. Thanks, you are also such a sweetie. I hope you are well.

I’ve kept to myself a lot recently, too. I also wonder when I am quiet because there is no one to talk to if, indeed, I have no personality. But, like me, I think you are just bored and alone. We have plenty of GOOD personality!

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I’ve kept to myself a lot recently, too. I also wonder when I am quiet because there is no one to talk to if, indeed, I have no personality. But, like me, I think you are just bored and alone. We have plenty of GOOD personality!

My sister lived alone but she talked to herself constantly. She would also have long conversations with other people not present - like me! Personally I consider this an example of getting a bit weird. But my sister didn't care. She also talked to inanimate objects, like to the television or radio. I don't do any of this. I have started to laugh aloud if something is funny in a movie I am watching or something on the Internet. But even that feels weird. I NEVER cry when I am alone. You are right that being alone all the time creates boredom and the state of being lonely.

[qwerty68]

I can really relate to this. I have been alone for many years and I felt that I lost whatever personality I did have. Recent events have shown that I still have the same personality, just a much older version of it. I think I have definitely gotten a few weird quirks from the isolation but they are not too off-putting, I don't think.

As for how you are perceived, I don't think anyone knows most of the time. I don't think it is a big concern how one is perceived unless quirks scare people or can be damaging to yourself in some way.


Most people are irritating, I think that is a universal feeling.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by qwerty68

I can really relate to this. I have been alone for many years and I felt that I lost whatever personality I did have. Recent events have shown that I still have the same personality, just a much older version of it. I think I have definitely gotten a few weird quirks from the isolation but they are not too off-putting, I don't think.

As for how you are perceived, I don't think anyone know most of the time. I don't think it is a big concern how one is perceived unless quirks scare people or can be damaging to yourself in some way.


Most people are irritating, I think that is a universal feeling.

Okay. this is very helpful, too. I haven't gotten any bad reactions from others. On the contrary I will say, somewhat sheepishly, that, in general, people treat me very nicely. Maybe it is just all in my head and I am being paranoid. I can't really name any quirks I have. It is more a feeling of being somehow transparent or thin-skinned. Maybe a bit extra-sensitive.


I do dress eccentrically, at times, but that's nothing new as I always have dressed creatively. Young people come up to me and compliment my style of dress all the time, which makes me feel weird, you know, because now I am older. But I am used to it, mostly, because that has happened to me my whole life.


As far as people being irritating, thanks again for your comment! I am pretty stressed at this time so I have less patience for...say, bad drivers, and stuff like that. Three out of my four adult siblings are really irritating and get on my nerves and I am isolating from them. My only sister died a few years ago and I do miss her. All that's left are "the boys" and they always kind of got on my nerves. My sister was their Wendy.

[qwerty68]

I would take their compliments as sincere, especially if you get them a lot!

The extra sensitive part is definitely part of the isolation experience. I get all paranoid when I go out after being alone for a long while that people are thinking all sorts of bad things about me.

I tend to talk to myself when I am alone and it is hard to remember not to do it in public.

For your situation, you seem quite normal to me and you are obviously an interesting person. Interesting in a good way.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by qwerty68

I would take their compliments as sincere, especially if you get them a lot!

The extra sensitive part is definitely part of the isolation experience. I get all paranoid when I go out after being alone for a long while that people are thinking all sorts of bad things about me.

I tend to talk to myself when I am alone and it is hard to remember not to do it in public.

For your situation, you seem quite normal to me and you are obviously an interesting person. Interesting in a good way.

Haha. Thanks. About dressing creatively. It is kind of a hook in that it just draws people in - but I don't do it for that reason at all. I just like expressing myself that way. I have no idea why people come up to me and comment...as I would never do that to a stranger. I am fairly shy.


People talk out loud all the time these days because they are talking on their various devices. I am certain people probably think you are doing the same.


Thanks for the comment about sensitivity. I do get paranoid about doing simple things now. This bothers me. I do feel anxious and paranoid...although absolutely nothing happens to me when I am out. When I take the bus invariably strangers will talk to me and if the bus is kind of empty the bus driver will start talking to me.


Finally I will say that for years I took diazepam or valium for anxiety and for me these benzos were a lifesaver. When I switched insurance I was no longer prescribed this medication. Since then my anxiety has been really raw. I understand why they don't prescribe benzos frequently any more but in my case taking away this medication has kind of thrown me into hell.

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

My sister lived alone but she talked to herself constantly. She would also have long conversations with other people not present - like me! Personally I consider this an example of getting a bit weird. But my sister didn't care. She also talked to inanimate objects, like to the television or radio. I don't do any of this. I have started to laugh aloud if something is funny in a movie I am watching or something on the Internet. But even that feels weird. I NEVER cry when I am alone. You are right that being alone all the time creates boredom and the state of being lonely.

I relate to you totally. Because of social anxiety, I found it difficult to know how I was coming across and worried how I was being perceived. I decided to just stay quiet and now I get really confused as to whether or not I have a personality at all

I also talk to myself constantly like your sister. I also talk to bugs I find around the house (if I'm helping them to get outside - I'll tell it, it will be ok! etc! haha)

I actually think when you're alone that's when YOU can really be yourself, without any pressure. You can do the things you like and are interested in, there's a lot more to a person than how they come across in public, sometimes it's just getting it out that's the problem! That's how I see it, anyway!

We are all here and I'm glad you started this thread as I can totally relate to you.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by scarlett35

I relate to you totally. Because of social anxiety, I found it difficult to know how I was coming across and worried how I was being perceived. I decided to just stay quiet and now I get really confused as to whether or not I have a personality at all

I also talk to myself constantly like your sister. I also talk to bugs I find around the house (if I'm helping them to get outside - I'll tell it, it will be ok! etc! haha)

I actually think when you're alone that's when YOU can really be yourself, without any pressure. You can do the things you like and are interested in, there's a lot more to a person than how they come across in public, sometimes it's just getting it out that's the problem! That's how I see it, anyway!

We are all here and I'm glad you started this thread as I can totally relate to you.

OMG you talk to bugs! That is just the cutest thing!

When my sister was terminally ill she started hearing her flowers talk. She called me up one day and said, "That I talk to my flowers is nothing new. I have been doing that for years. But now they are answering me. Do you think they know I am dying?"

Actually, I think all the drugs were making her loopy but I said, "Yeah, they know you. You spend all your time with them. You're the flower whisperer. And now they trust you enough to talk to you, too."

That answer satisfied her completely.

I am not as magical as my sister was. Or you, I think.

[DechanDawa]

When I am alone I feel like air.

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

OMG you talk to bugs! That is just the cutest thing!

When my sister was terminally ill she started hearing her flowers talk. She called me up one day and said, "That I talk to my flowers is nothing new. I have been doing that for years. But now they are answering me. Do you think they know I am dying?"

Actually, I think all the drugs were making her loopy but I said, "Yeah, they know you. You spend all your time with them. You're the flower whisperer. And now they trust you enough to talk to you, too."

That answer satisfied her completely.

I am not as magical as my sister. Or you, think.

That is so sweet, sorry to hear about your sister , but I'm glad the flowers spoke back to her even if it was the drugs. You sound like a great person even just from your post! I'm sure these things come across when you're speaking to others too

[s4ndm4n2006]

No one loses or lacks a personality. I just have to say this. Everyone whether isolated and alone or in crowds or groups of people everyday retain their own individual likes, dislikes, values and opinions on things regardless of whether there are others to see or hear these things from them.

I grant you that it feels that you lack the opportunity to express yourself but trust me you're not going to lose your uniqueness. It would be good to find others to be around at least a little but not to restore your personality, but for many other reasons. we benefit from being able to reflect on things to others and hear their thoughts and impressions of our own, relate or disagree with them on other things because it creates a better environment for growth and especially critical thinking on everything in our life.

I hope that you are able to find a way not to be as isolated as you have been. There is a good chance that if you put yourself out there you'll find at least a few that can relate to you, even if a good majority of the masses are annoying

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by scarlett35

That is so sweet, sorry to hear about your sister , but I'm glad the flowers spoke back to her even if it was the drugs. You sound like a great person even just from your post! I'm sure these things come across when you're speaking to others too

Thanks. Well, the title of this thread says it all. I have absolutely no idea how I am perceived. I miss my sister. She was the most compassionate nurse who ever lived...except maybe my Mom who was also a nurse. They both died young and suffered a lot. I feel guilty. I just feel like I should develop myself more. I come from a family of over-achievers...and I don't want to just be alive taking up space.

You are the bug whisperer! I think that is just so very charming...

[scarlett35]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Thanks. Well, the title of this thread says it all. I have absolutely no idea how I am perceived. I miss my sister. She was the most compassionate nurse who ever lived...except maybe my Mom who was also a nurse. They both died young and suffered a lot. I feel guilty. I just feel like I should develop myself more. I come from a family of over-achievers...and I don't want to just be alive taking up space.

You are the bug whisperer! I think that is just so very charming...

I have no idea either. I hide myself or change myself for the environment. I think everyone does this, but I feel I do it so much I’ve forgotten who I am and so don’t have a clue how I come across to others. I don’t know if I’m consistent. Am I quiet? Loud? Funny? Sweet? Annoying?

I think we can’t control how we are perceived by others, and some people will perceive us in a different way to other people. My actions to one person may come across as sweet, whereas others may perceive it as weird. I think as it is outside of us we can’t control it and that’s what makes us feel confused.

I would like to be able to show myself more. The real me! If I ever find out who that is

[MickeyCheeky]

Sending many hugs, everyone

You are taking the initiative by posting on here, asking for support and advice. That is a great first step.

Maybe these things take time. I knew someone who was isolated and unemployed for 6 years. Now she is a corporate lawyer. We also hear about Shakespeare's "lost years."

Maybe you are just in the searching and reflection season of your life right now.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by ennie

You are taking the initiative by posting on here, asking for support and advice. That is a great first step.

Maybe these things take time. I knew someone who was isolated and unemployed for 6 years. Now she is a corporate lawyer. We also hear about Shakespeare's "lost years."

Maybe you are just in the searching and reflection season of your life right now.

Thanks for this beautiful post. I have never heard of Shakespeare's "lost years," so will have to goggle that.

I have thought about that in terms of my own life. Even if I feel like I have "lost" the last five years...I have had a long, productive life...so in balance, it isn't so bad. I have felt a little better since I started this thread. I have some new spirit and direction. After some reflection I think I am feeling some wind in my sails. Thanks, all.