It's no secret by now that I haven't had the best luck with women. I have trouble opening up to them and trusting them and I outright struggle with any type of intimacy. Heck, I have a hard enough time opening up to my male friends and it's even harder for me to open up with women when I've been hurt and abused by many women in my life.

I've been outright avoiding closeness with women for awhile now to protect myself from getting hurt again. I won't even say hi to a woman unless she speaks to me first and I avoid having to open the door for them (no I don't slam the door in their face but if I see a lone women walking up to the door I either pretend I'm going elsewhere or I choose a different door).

Anyways, they had this event up at the community college that I go to. It was a mental health related event where they had about 40 booths promoting everything from mental health centers to private therapists to alternative treatments. They also had a free hug booth. I was walking past the hug booth wearing my fake smile that I usually use to hide how messed up I am from the general public. Clearly they saw through it because one of the girls at the hug booth came up to me and gave me a hug. I felt sad almost to the point to where I wanted to break down and cry when I had to let go of her. She was a warm and nice person and her hair was soft and relaxing to touch. I felt sad almost all day after that moment.

I clearly crave connections with women but IDK how to get them anymore. I am too messed up to maintain relationships or even friendships. My life is in shambles and I have trouble even taking care of my basic needs half of the time so what woman would want somebody ****ed up like me?

IDK why I bother anymore.

This post makes me want to give you a hug. and not because I think you are a loser. Maybe they just had a spontaneous feeling they wanted to hug you. I tend to want to hug people because I have a spontaneously good reaction to them--I don't stop to analyze why, just act.

Originally Posted by Nowinners

This post makes me want to give you a hug. and not because I think you are a loser. Maybe they just had a spontaneous feeling they wanted to hug you. I tend to want to hug people because I have a spontaneously good reaction to them--I don't stop to analyze why, just act.

Than that would be a first time somebody ever had a feeling they needed to hug me without either taking pity on me or because I did something nice for them.


Honestly, I get a hug maybe 1-2 times a year at most if I'm lucky. The last time I got a hug before the hug booth deal was when I bought a professor a birthday card. I only knew her birthday because I'm a student employee with access to everyone's birthday on our employee account so I decided to buy her a card and she was overjoyed because she was feeling bad since she lost her voice as a public speaking professor.

So maybe I need to figure out more people's birthdays and buy them cards? Or will women find that creepy too?

[unaluna]

Thats why i found myself a hugging therapist and stuck with him for ten years. I made up for a lifetime of missed hugs.

I dont know what your solution will end up being, but i would encourage you to find one. It's a real thing.

Originally Posted by unaluna

Thats why i found myself a hugging therapist and stuck with him for ten years. I made up for a lifetime of missed hugs.

I dont know what your solution will end up being, but i would encourage you to find one. It's a real thing.

If you're referring to a cuddle therapist, I want one. Unfortunately, they don't have many where I live and they aren't something that I can feasibly afford yet.

Still though, I will hire one when I am able.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're struggling, DarknessIsMyFriend I understand how you feel. It's normal to feel that way considering the relationship you've had with women and people so far. I hope one day you'll be able to build better, meaningful relationship with other people. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

I'm so sorry you're struggling, darkness

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

If you're referring to a cuddle therapist, I want one. Unfortunately, they don't have many where I live and they aren't something that I can feasibly afford yet.
Still though, I will hire one when I am able.

No actually it was my regular therapist. I just meant, i think youre younger and at school? - so there may be other options? Clubs, whatever. Anonymous meetings usually hug at the end. Stuff like that. Idk.

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I clearly crave connections with women but IDK how to get them anymore. I am too messed up to maintain relationships or even friendships.

Good to see you back posting. Don't know how feasible this is for you but can you just give up? I know that sounds horrible but I did. I just got sick of trying and decided to give up. I have never been someone that people wanted to hug and help and be with so... I just decided that I wasn't going to look for that anymore. Kind of hasn't been a bad thing. But that is me.

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

Good to see you back posting. Don't know how feasible this is for you but can you just give up? I know that sounds horrible but I did. I just got sick of trying and decided to give up. I have never been someone that people wanted to hug and help and be with so... I just decided that I wasn't going to look for that anymore. Kind of hasn't been a bad thing. But that is me.

I pretty much have given up on things like love and intimacy and even my need for human touch.

Problem is, when I'm around people and things that remind me of how much I'm missing out because I don't have anybody in my life, it becomes harder to just "give it up". I mean, it's to the point where I'm triggered just by seeing romance in movies or TV shows or walking into a store and hearing music talking about love. Heck, one of my video games triggered me last week because it had a romance subplot.

So yeah, it's becoming harder and harder to "hide" from these things no matter how hard I try.

Originally Posted by unaluna

No actually it was my regular therapist. I just meant, i think youre younger and at school? - so there may be other options? Clubs, whatever. Anonymous meetings usually hug at the end. Stuff like that. Idk.

A regular therapist would do this? I thought they weren't allowed to.

I know of cuddle therapists (can't really call them a therapist anyways) which is basically a person you pay by the hour to cuddle with you. They apparently go through many poses and methods. They will also do things like play games with you or talk to you. They apparently help people with intimacy issues.

Problem is they are expensive. Prices typically range from $60-100 per hour.