life lesson

i was out from work for two days with a cold. when i got back to work two of my coworkers (one male, one female) did not even ask how i was feeling. that hurt my feelings because i thought we had a friendly relationship. the woman would often share her food with me and the guy and i talked a lot (mostly about him though). their lack of concern really puzzled me. they talked to me but they never asked how i was. i could kind of understand about the guy not asking as that might be just a guy thing. but the woman.. what has helped me accept their reactions is my belief that you can't force someone to feel something they don't. i used to want people to feel what i felt. if i liked them, i wanted them to reciprocate. but then i thought about people who wanted to go out with me, i would talk with them but i wasn't interested. same concept i guess.

at another job, i had a very unfriendly coworker. i reached out countless times to her and she would always rebuff my attempts at small talk. again, i used to be hurt because i had tried to be so nice to her. in the end, i decided just to be cordial but i stopped the small talk. she eventually apologized and said she was just stressed from all her work. i am really glad i handled this situation the way i did.

this has all been a real life lesson for me.

Sometimes people are truly wrapped up in their own heads to think of others but it doesnt mean that they literally do not care.

I think it can be iffy to ask if someone is ok after one or two days out where my own work is concerned. If a person is out 3 or more days, that's personally when I raise my own eyebrows since by virtue of contract that's doctor's note territory and the person is most likely been really really sick. Using up some sick days isn't totally uncommon for many. And it can be fast paced at work that days blur together. So there's that angle as well. Sick days can often be a don't ask, don't tell scenario in my experience.

I understand why this would be upsetting. We want to know people care about us. I have often found that people sometimes assume you're okay if you look okay. Maybe they thought they didn't need to ask because you seem to have improved healthwise. I wouldn't read too much into it. 💜 They probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

People take days from work for all manner of reasons...Illness, Accident, Funeral. Arrested, sick child etc. People failing to enquire after the reason for your absence is actually the proper response. If you choose to share the reasons for your absence that is up to you, its not up to them to get involved imo.

I have a friend from work that takes a lot of sick days. He works the full time assistant position at the job where I work as a part time student employee. He takes a lot of time off because he finds the job emotionally overwhelming and I'm beginning to think that he might have depression. Heck, I'm the one who encouraged him to use his sick/leave days liberally on days that I'm there so I can cover for him.

Point being lots of people take sick days for lots of different reasons. In fact, I would suspect that most people take sick days off for any other reason but being physically sick, especially if a job is high stress/pressure. Lots of people, particularly those from older generations, seem to be against people using sick days like that.

So yeah, don't take offense to it.

I don’t think colleagues must be asking how you are feeling if you took two days off. It’s no one’s business. You could be off for mental health issues or family member illness or doctor appointments or procedures done (which you might not wish to discuss) or who cares. Unless you are very close intimate friend with someone I se no reason for people asking you how you feel.

thank you all for all the different perspectives and for listening to my venting. i actually had come down with a cold 4 weeks ago and had been out of work for that also. the woman did ask how i was when i got back to work that time. but since so soon after that episode, i went on sick leave again, they might be thinking i am faking it? i am not though. i even ran out of sick leave so it is leave without pay but they don't know that. the a/c swirls around my head and that is what is making me sick. but i will try not to take this personally, am just going to do my job and try to be nice to all. (oh and i got a nice warm beanie for my head)

In all fairness, I regard people's time off for whatever reason as personal and I don't ask about it. It has nothing to do with how I feel about the person.

If you were my co-worker I would not ask you how you are, I feel it's an invasion of your privacy.

I also am not one that asks someone about their time off unless they are a close friend or for some other reason we keep in touch and check in with each other anyway. a coworker that is just someone I work with can offer to tell me they were sick and I might ask more but without that I assume they can be off because they wanted to take time off too so it's really not my business unless they choose to share.