How do I help my friend?

Hi Darkness,

You are being a good friend to him. I am concerned about his thoughts being jumbled. Is the case worker still able to discern his needs? He might need you there to clarify things when he sees the case worker, because you are familiar with his situation.

He sounds like he suffers from major depression. I don't know whether his thoughts about suicide are threats, rants, or a pattern with him. I don't believe he will be locked into a crazy ward for the rest of his life. Medications have been developed that will help him deal with depression, anger, and anxiety.

You have a good heart.

I would empower your friend by asking him to contact [himself] such and such organization or people. And empower him to make his own decision and take the initiative by asking him questions like:

"Have you tried [this and that]?"
"How do you feel about using the route of [xyz]?"

You are there to assist, guide, and give him referrals, but not to do the work, or make the decision for him.

You are right, he needs to take the first step. I feel he is way too dependent on you right now.

The case manager that I contacted isn't a case manager anymore. He switched jobs right after he got done with me. He works at a homeless youth shelter though and has access to contacts and resources.

Problem is he hasn't been answering his phone lately. I admit I am rather worried. When I got back in touch with him a couple months ago, I was so happy to see him again because he was like a friend to me that I might have pushed him away slightly with my texts.

Keep in mind I started trying to get my friend on that grant about 2 months ago before his home life became this serious but he never took any action so here we are now. He wouldn't even see the student therapist until he was forced to by the school after having an outburst in one of his classes. He just doesn't trust the mental health system.

Hi Darkness,

Your friend is probably used to a chaotic environment. Some people get pleasure out of helping others (for example, his mother). He needs encouragement to reach out for help, and he needs to learn that psychological abuse can lead to physical violence (if it hasn't happened already). Domestic Violence and Abuse - HelpGuide.org explains about abuse. Does his dad drink too much or abuse drugs? If so, here is a good resource: Chapter 1—Effects of Domestic Violence on Substance Abuse Treatment - Substance Abuse Treatment and Domestic Violence - NCBI Bookshelf.


He might feel that he is unworthy of a better life as a result of all the psychological abuse from his dad. He might have a victim mentality. Maybe some of the materials will show him he is in danger, and then he will take action to look for another place to live. Both of you are in my thoughts.

I wished that I had thought about that myself! Great advice!

I think you should do what you feel is right.

Thanks for the advice.

The biggest barrier at this point is his massive distrust for the mental health system. He straight up thinks the mental health system is ran by the Illuminati to control people with drugs so they can reduce the world's population to around 1 million. He goes into all these over the top theories that have little credible evidence to back them up. Like it is so bad that he almost got kicked out of a government class all because he got into arguments with the professor about conspiracy theories and the like.

He also told me he doesn't trust therapists because psychology isn't real science and knowledge from psychology books become outdated every 5 years.

On top of it all, he thinks that if he talks to anybody at the mental health center and tells them too much that they will lock him up for life and experiment on him. It has taken him this long to open up to me about his issues. He only started talking to me because I've had it just as bad as him.

I've tried to help him change his thinking many times but getting him to listen and focus is next to impossible. Every single time I tell him he needs to go to that mental health center so he can get on the grant he changes the subject and starts texting me internet memes or random jokes. If I try to talk to him in person he changes the subject on me. I worry if I start sending him psychology or domestic abuse related articles I will end up triggering him again.

IDK how else to help him at this point.

About the only way I can think of helping at this point is to research a bit more myself and advise him or take action in such a way that doesn't hint towards the mental health system or psychology.

If he likes science, try telling him about the hierarchy of evidence Hierarchy of evidence - Wikipedia
We use it to filter what's worth paying attention to, in terms of how robust the evidence for something is.
Don't talk about MH or drugs, try to apply it to the news or technology.
Then when you can see that he can apply critical thinking to abstract stuff that doesn't trigger an emotional reaction from him, try looking at healthcare.
Once someone can see a framework for decision making has an application in real life, it can help them with other things too.
You're a good guy.

Thanks.

This Hierarchy of evidence is interesting. I need to find somewhere that explains it in more detail.

Try this Different Levels of Evidence. Evidence based medicine | Patient
It's what I do for a living IRL

That's some deep, complicated stuff lol.

I'll learn what I can from your link. Honestly though, medical science isn't my strength.

I'm more of a techie/programmer type of guy

I am sorry that someone would tell that to someone. Have you called the police on is father?

That is great advice!

That is great advice!

Have you thought about helping him save some money? Then when it is enough? Help him pack a bag and get him out of that environment.

That is really good advice. Helping him safety plan and set goals and get himself free of where he is.

Hi Darkness,

I am sorry to hear that he distrusts the field of psychology in general. What about the field of substance abuse? It sounds to me like both parents are using. Using substances has been linked to psychological and physical abuse. Not all substance abusers are mentally ill, therefore, you don't need to mention mental illnesses.


Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence: Causes and Interconnections

The above seems to be reputable because it refers to research done by other people. At this point, I think the best thing for him to do is to find alternative housing such as the YMCA or housing for domestic violence victims.

I don't wish to involve the police. I don't really trust cops for one but more importantly, if the cops came to his house I fear his father would be prone to retaliating.


I highly doubt I could get enough dirt on him to have him put up for any length of time. There is no hard evidence that the father is any kind of drug dealer, I know what I do only based on my friend's speculation.

I'm trying to get him on a 1 year housing grant available for youths in my area. Problem is he needs to get to one of the public mental health centers in my area to qualify and he still won't do that.

I'm considering giving him enough money for a bus pass and some food. I'm considering telling him that this will be the last time I help him financially until he starts going to that mental health center and starts working on getting that housing grant. I figure a bit of tough love will push him forward but IDK.

IDK if just helping him pack a bag is enough at this point. Right now he is too unstable to even hold down a job and I don't see that changing until he gets to a safer environment. I think that any type of homelessness would be just as bad on his mental state.

Hi Darkness,

Does your friend know he is in danger of physical violence? Maybe you don't know if his father is a drug seller or not, but the information I provided about substance abuse was about people who abuse drugs. You don't need to involve the police. He is not likely to save money to move unless he realizes he is in danger.

Then he has a choice to save money or apply for the grant or both. I agree with you about getting him in touch with a mental health center. He needs support from other people so he is not leaning so heavily on you. Then you have time to take care of yourself. People get burned out from helping other people too much and neglecting self-care.