[Shaymus]

My girlfriend has two daughters who are 17 and 20 and im just curious if anyone else has ways to not get frustrated sometimes. Ill be having a bad day with my depression and anxiety and freaking out and one of them will walk in and start complaining about how their boyfriend did this that or the other thing and im dealing with HUGE(albeit in my own head) problems. I get so frustrated i want to scream that their little problems mean exactly squat and to shut up. Now i never say this because well id just feel even more evil than i do just for thinking them. Hiding in my room doesnt work with them as they come in and chat with me all the time(which isnt a bad thing unless im under a cloud).

On a completely unrelated note i also have a question about how people argue. My girlfriend and her daughters are like firecrackers and they yell and scream and shout and then 15 minutes later and laughing and having a good time. Me on the other hand,im a brooder and i sit in stew with my pissiness and 15 minutes(heck 2 days later) later im still planning revenge(that ill never carry thru). When i hear yelling and screaming to me its like violence and it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable sometimes so even if they are fighting with each other i still am very much so affected. My question is how do i let anger go when they arnt even yelling at me,or if they are are already at the forgiveness point when im just starting to be mad.

[gloria]

About the arguing, I don't know what to tell you. About people coming in your room and depending on your mood is your tolerance ...well, all I can think of is maybe, putting a sing in your door and telling the girls that, when they see the sign, they need to leave you alone and respect your space.

Food for thought anyway.

gab

[Rapunzel]

It can be really irritating when you are dealing with mountains that seem huge to you (even if they are just about invisible to others) and someone wants to complain about things that seem trivial in comparison. One thing is to try to keep in mind that those things that seem trivial to you just might be their mountains. We can't really compare because we all experience things differently. But if you are not in a position to be able to deal with it, maybe your best strategy would be to just tell them that you aren't up to it at the moment, and either refer them to someone else or make an appointment to talk about their struggles later. These girls are closer to being adults than they are to being children, so they probably can understand that you are stressed and have your own problems. With younger children it might be different.

I have the same problem with a slow fuse. I can simmer under the surface about something until it just festers and a trivial thing weeks, months, or years down the road can cause it to explode. Yelling and screaming seems like a really bad thing to me too - maybe avoiding that stuff contributes to being slow to anger, not standing up for yourself, holding it in, and not being able to let go of it. Here, I guess we have to recognize that people have different styles, and take responsibility for our own feelings.

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[Shaymus]

I havent told them im depressed or anything. I let them think im shy and/or anti social. Altho i did tell the oldest that i take lexapro for my anxiety mainly because i think she suffers from it as well and i wanted her to know how easy it was to get.

The simmering temper thing yeah i always compare it to i have a big gulp cup and when someone pisses me off they pour a shot glass of hate into it. Whoever makes it overflow better watch out. Of course now im so depressed that i dont have the confidence(i dont know if thats the right word,but i really have to trust someone to yell at them) to yell at people so i just keep it in.

[Rapunzel]

Do you have to have depression to be stressed and not be up to dealing with someone else's problems? Everyone deserves to be able to say no and take a break when they need it, so you don't have to tell them more than you want to.

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[Shaymus]

Yeah i can understand that i dont have to tell them that im depressed to say that im not up to dealing with other peoples problems,,,,BUT,,when i was growing up no one cared what i thought about anything and when i did need to talk id get a shhhh so they could watch tv. I wouldnt want them to feel like that made me feel. I always pretend to at the very least appear to be listening(im sure i fall short sometimes) though. They have gone thru a lot so even tho i cant understand their problems as being big i still can see they went thru a divorce and having to deal with me everyday cant be any treat either. I just need to be more understanding and realize that my big serious mountains are just as trivial to them most likely. Thanks for helping me see that as that makes a bunch of sense. Heck even i can see after the fact that what im so stressed about is trivial in the grand scheme of things.

[shakes]

I think your situation effects more people then you would know. Personally I know that it is sooo hard for me sometimes to listen to my boyfriend complain about his day of work. When I am feeling like my life is falling apart I do not want to hear about how he did not get a lunch break.
Unfortunately I do not have any advice for you really. I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you. I agree with what other people have said about different people have different tolerances for anger.
Have you talked to your T about this? Maybe he/she could suggest some techniques to help you through those moments.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>