[NuckingFutz]

Most people complain that they don't have a loving relationship, but I've got this sweet lady that I've met online a few months ago.

The problem is that she is constantly sending me private messages and it's driving me crazy. I've got stuff I got to do and I don't understand how she has so much time to text me...I mean, both of us are retired, but I just can't keep up with my life like she seems to be able to do with hers.

I do have a hobby of riding my bike several hours a day and she's very supportive of that, but nothing else really. I take care of myself and my little apartment (cleaning, cooking, daily stuff like brushing my teeth, taking a bath, walking my dogs) and sometimes a visit with friends.

When we talk about stuff besides us, she can't seem to stick with the conversation like "what are your plans for the day", etc. and she avoids them. How can someone take care of themselves and spend over 6 hours a day chatting?

Why do people do this?

[divine1966]

Have you met her in real life? If not, then you don’t really know what she does all day as it could be absolutely anything. Does she live alone, have you seen her house? Is she even “she”?

She might be avoiding “what’s your plans for today” conversations because she can’t and won’t disclose for number of reasons and because likely it’s some shady stuff or isn’t even single. I’d ask for face time or Skype when she is at home so you can see her place and see what she does/doesn’t do. If she declines, you’ll have your answer.

Sorry for being a downer, too many shady people out there.

[NuckingFutz]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Have you met her in real life? If not, then you don’t really know what she does all day as it could be absolutely anything. Does she live alone, have you seen her house? Is she even “she”?

She might be avoiding “what’s your plans for today” conversations because she can’t and won’t disclose for number of reasons and because likely it’s some shady stuff or isn’t even single. I’d ask for face time or Skype when she is at home so you can see her place and see what she does/doesn’t do. If she declines, you’ll have your answer.

Sorry for being a downer, too many shady people out there.

Yeah, I've skyped with her several times, come to think of it, looking behind her, it looks like she doesn't do any cleaning or straightening. She lives with her brother.

I really like her but, when I chat with her video wise, she looks like she just woke up. Hair a mess, no makeup.

I seriously think I need to rethink the relationship. I told her I needed to go take care of some things and she's still pinging me with texts.

It's so hard to cut things off with a nice person, but when I feel selfish for taking time for myself, that's when I get stressed.

If it stresses you out already and she spends all her time messaging you, you’re right to think and wonder what else does she do with her time and does she care for herself? It does sound like it’s something to re-evaluate.

[divine1966]

I wonder if she abuses substances of sorts hence she looks like a mess and so is her house. Dating someone long distance (I assume she is long distance) without meeting them creates all kind of potential issues. One of which is you dont really know her.

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

The problem is that she is constantly sending me private messages and it's driving me crazy. I've got stuff I got to do and I don't understand how she has so much time to text me...

This doesn't sound healthy. Maybe reconsider whether you want to continue corresponding with her.

[lonelynotalone]

Maybe she doesn't do anything with her life; maybe she sleeps a lot, when she's not messaging you. She's probably enjoying the attention you give her, which isn't bad, but maybe she's growing a little obsessed about it if she in fact doesn't have anything else to occupy her mind or day-to-day life. Which is unhealthy, and seems as though you're already becoming frustrated/annoyed about it, in which case either talk to her about it or move on.

I know I'm a lot younger, but there was a point in my life where I didn't care about myself, and had no motivation or care to really do anything, but that was due to mental illness. Whether it's the same for her or not, I don't know. The only thing that I ever really did was talk to my online "friends" and it became the focal point of my every day life because I never used to do anything else.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think you have any obligation to stay with her, NuckingFutz. If you feel like she's being too clingy, then yes, maybe it's time to reconsider this relationship. You have every right to have your own space as well. If you feel like it, you can try to explain to her that there's a problem. Hopefully she'll understand and try to correct her behavior, although you can't be sure of that. But that's your choice. I also think it would be a good idea to meet her in real life to see what kind of person she is. Maybe you could even suggest therapy to her if you feel like that could help. Remember that you can only do so much to help and that the final decision is up to her. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you