[Pinocchio46]

One of my close friends was there for me when I went through some really bad issues with anxiety and depression. When I needed her she (usually) came running and would always check in to make sure I was okay. She talked with my teachers at University multiple times to tell them how I was, and was honestly my rock through it all.

However when things got really bad she began to pull away, she has told me since she thought we both needed space to work on ourselves and other things, but now I am doing better things are still off between us and we don't really talk to each other at all. She tells me she isn't talking to me because she has personal stuff going on, and I want to believe her, but she always seems so happy around everyone else.

I don't know what (if anything) I did wrong, but I know I miss her a lot. One time at school she asked for a hug and we talked for a bit. Another time when I approached her one night and told her I was not angry she smiled like I can't remember seeing her smile before.

But she still needs distance, and I am not sure she'll ever come back into my life. I miss her a lot but have told her I will give her all the space she needs, and when she is ready we will find a way back into each others life.

But I don't understand how someone can go from caring so much, to pulling away like this. I've seen her face when she saw me on pain, and I could see she felt it too. I know she cared.

I'm so sorry for what I put her through. I just want to sit with her in my room again, get to know her better and laugh with each other. I miss her, but I don't think she misses me, and it's breaking my heart.

[s4ndm4n2006]

people change, lives change, environments, situations and everything. Even our emotions and our level of caring can change over the years. Yes someone can stop caring about someone that at one point they cared very much for.

I don't know what the case is in this situation but your answer to the main question on the post is yes, you can stop.

It's good to have a friend who cares. But she is not obligated to help you and you are not entitled to her help. She has a right to focus on her own life. Human beings have limits in terms of their emotional capacity. Maybe carrying your burden was too much weight on her shoulder. You could try to diversify your support system, so you are not leaning too hard on one person.

[Pinocchio46]

Originally Posted by ennie

It's good to have a friend who cares. But she is not obligated to help you and you are not entitled to her help. She has a right to focus on her own life. Human beings have limits in terms of their emotional capacity. Maybe carrying your burden was too much weight on her shoulder. You could try to diversify your support system, so you are not leaning too hard on one person.

I understand that, but now I am much better and I'm in a better place than I've been in ages. Once I realised she needed space I gave it to her, but I'm scared she hates me now, I miss her as a friend, and I'm scared she won't be in my life again.

Originally Posted by Pinocchio46

One of my close friends was there for me when I went through some really bad issues with anxiety and depression. When I needed her she (usually) came running and would always check in to make sure I was okay. She talked with my teachers at University multiple times to tell them how I was, and was honestly my rock through it all.

I miss her, but I don't think she misses me, and it's breaking my heart.

Be grateful she was there for you in your time of need, grieve, and try to move on. Try not to worry too much about "why" she moved on. People just do--especially during transitions in our/their lives.

[Pinocchio46]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

Be grateful she was there for you in your time of need, grieve, and try to move on. Try not to worry too much about "why" she moved on. People just do--especially during transitions in our/their lives.

I've been trying to move on for two months, but I've never had anything hurt this bad before.

I cared for her like I've never cared for anyone before =[ I wish things had gone so different.

Originally Posted by Pinocchio46

I understand that, but now I am much better and I'm in a better place than I've been in ages. Once I realised she needed space I gave it to her, but I'm scared she hates me now, I miss her as a friend, and I'm scared she won't be in my life again.

Ok, thank you for the additional information. I'm sorry that she doesn't want to return even under new circumstances. I still think it's great that you are being respectful of her need for space. You seem to genuinely value the friendship rather than the help you can get from her. This is proven by the fact that you miss her even when you are no longer in need. Although you can't change the other person's feelings, I think your sincerity and respectful demeanor will win you many new friends in the future.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, Pinocchio46 I understand how you feel. Unfortunately this kind of thing can happen, and it's really no one's fault. It just happens. From what you wrote, I have no reason to doubt that when she's saying she's dealing with some personal issues, she's probably telling the truth. Just try to be respectful of her wishes like you're already doing. Don't worry, I don't think she hates you or anything like that. If she did, she'd probably just avoid you altogether, but from what you wrote, it sounds like she's still talking to you sometimes. If you have doubts about this, I'd suggest to talk to her about this and see how it goes from there. Maybe that could help. But I wouldn't worry too much. Just try not to take it too personally. Things can change. I'd suggest to try to move on as well. You seem like a kind and caring person, so I'm sure you'll be able to make new friends pretty easily. Remember that we're here for you as well. I know it's not the same thing as having a support system IRL, but at least it's something. I'm here for you as well. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by ennie

It's good to have a friend who cares. But she is not obligated to help you and you are not entitled to her help. She has a right to focus on her own life. Human beings have limits in terms of their emotional capacity. Maybe carrying your burden was too much weight on her shoulder. You could try to diversify your support system, so you are not leaning too hard on one person.

Idk why but your post made me think of something.

in addition to the idea that things change, I thought I would elaborate. Think about that best friend you had in HS or college.. over time things change, you were so close and buddy buddy in college but then one or both get married, The focus becomes the spouse, it's natural that the best friend becomes a bit less in that situation. add kids and of course even more so. The focus becomes family as opposed to your buddy in school when you were single and free and living an entirely different life.

This is only one example but over time lives, as I said, change, therefore a lot of times priorities, focus and values change.

[sarahsweets]

Sometimes people have to decide if they need to make themselves a priority or others. Maybe she decided she needed to make herself the priority?

Sometimes I get bored with people and stop talking to them. I don't mean any hard feelings but I have ADHD and getting me to focus on one thing/person for extended periods of time is pretty much impossible.

I'm an infamously difficult person to get a hold of. I will often disappear for months off the internet or not answer my phone for anybody for days at a time.


Then again, I am an extreme case. Maybe this friend is just focusing on their own life instead?