[klh90]

I have no idea whats wrong with me, I cant get motivated to get a job. I just got fired, and I'm running out of money and the good nature of my room mate. I know this. Also this has been a pattern persisting thru my entire twenties, and apparently is going to follow me into my thirties. I don't know if its a neurological event, in which case I need medication (I already take Prozac, vyvanse, buspar, gabapentin and low dose buprenorphine) okay, so a change in meds- or if its psychological? is it the fear of being homeless, the trauma of having lost my job, then lost everything, so I just shut down? pretty much tell myself 'okay, youre #$%$#%ed you're super @#$@ed so grab on to something and hold on!!' while I wait for rock bottom to hit...again (btw, you'd think rock bottom was a place you only hit once, or that its subjective and moves around....its not).
I have debts, not as bad as some peoples, but the kind of jobs I can get are pretty lousy, I don't have a college degree, but I do have college debt, and I'm not sure if I can take out any more loans to go back to school. but without school I basically have to go back to a dead end job, which it will be a struggle to get even one of those, because my resume is full of long periods of no work. gah, why? I feel like other people don't get overwhelmed so easily, like they are somehow the masters of their universe. I know I have PTSD but how long will I be so easily rattled into inaction and inert desperation? I mean, the modest little support network I've managed to cobble together has already seen me through one or more disasters. I feel like everyone I know is looking at me and saying to themselves "I thought we already dealt with this? do you not remember when _____ ?" fill in the blank, when I last was unemployed and looking at a really really bad situation barreling towards me while I blink

[AspiringAuthor]

Very sorry to hear that. I think you have short-term, medium-term, and long-term planning to do. In the short-term, you need a lousy job - whatever you can get. What steps can you take towards applying for such a dead-end job? What skills do you have for low level jobs?

In the long term, you probably need to finish college. The amount of debt you already have is irrelevant - you cannot do anything about it, unless you are so disabled that you get an SSDI and in that case your student loans will be forgiven. If that does not happen, the only figure you need to be looking at is the additional debt you would take on to finish you degree and whether a better paying job justifies that additional debt; given that you are in a dead-end situation, it probably does. Also, you will receive a boost to your morale from actually completing your college degree.

In the medium term you need to obtain correct diagnosis and treatment so that you actually can take on and successfully complete college education.

[Bill3]

Do you see a talk therapist? If so, how has that been for you? If not, my suggestion would be to start to work with a good therapist.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, klh90 It sounds like you're going through a lot. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault for feeling like this. In fact, I think you're handling this pretty well, simply by the fact that you're reaching out to us. That means that you DO want help, you're just struggling with motivation. That's an important thing to acknowledge. I think your lack of motivation may be caused by the bad experiences you've had so far. I agree with Bill3. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could start working on yourself and your self-esteem. Just try to hang on. Try to get even the lousiest job you can. You will still make some money and provide for your basic necessities. Starting from there, you can start making some plans for the future - whether you want to go back to school or not, for example. Just take it one step at the time. No need to hurry. Take baby steps. Set yourself a goal, and divide that into several different goals. Once you've accomplished something, your confidence will hopefully boost. Reward yourself every time you're able to accomplish something. I know it's not easy, but please don't give up. It will take time, but it can be done. You can do this! You're strong, I'm sure of that. I believe in you. Do you have a support system IRL? Any friend or family members that could help you? Perhaps even economicaly. Whathever happens, we'll always be here to support you. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.