[may24]

I have a big difficulty trusting people and letting them into my life. Even when I'm getting to know someone that I like, I tend to withdraw and sabotage the relationship.
I feel like I can never relax and allow myself to trust someone... no matter if they've never done anything for me to distrust them.
When people are nice and friendly to me I overthink about the reasons why they could be acting that way.
I tell myself things like "they're just being polite", "they are like that with everyone", and I even think they're being nice because they pity me.
The ironic part is that when I've had people take advantage of me and not respect me in the past, I have accepted that kind of treatment without a second thought. (Almost as if it came naturally to me).
It's like it's easier for me to stay in a relationship where my needs don't matter to the other person, than it is to be in a relationship where the other person accepts me for who I am. (This goes both for friendships as for romantic partners).
I really want to change these patterns but I don't know what to do.

Recently I realized that when I'm in session with Pdoc and she's being empathetic and patient with me, I tend to get tense and act defensive towards her (almost as if I felt threatened). Of course, this is something I do unconsciously.
It's like I struggle to accept the idea of "being accepted" by someone else. Does this make any sense? I'm feeling so confused right now

Have you mentioned this to your Pdoc? It seems like that might be a productive discussion with her. I can definitely relate to not trusting people. This is why I come here to PC to discuss what is on my heart and mind. I don’t share much at all with people IRL. I think social media just makes it even worse. I won’t post anything personal on social media either. I wish I had something insightful to offer you on this subject. Best of luck to you. ❤️

Originally Posted by may24

The ironic part is that when I've had people take advantage of me and not respect me in the past, I have accepted that kind of treatment without a second thought. (Almost as if it came naturally to me).

I can totally relate.

When I feel guilty about not trusting someone who may be sincere, I feel almost rushed to trust.

And when I rush to trust, I start to ruminate on my doubts about this person (ex. "What if she leaks the information I shared with her in confidence?").

So to take the pressure off of myself, I recently decided to remain neutral about people I don't know too well for a while. I decided to say,

"I don't need to make up my mind about this person yet. No one is enforcing a strict deadline on me. I will take my time to get to know this person for at least for the next (x amount of) months. I will not put myself at risk by trusting too soon, but I will also not ruminate on my doubts as it is not healthy or necessary (since I have not taken any risk yet with this person)."

Of course, this is for people that I don't know well. As far for people I know for certain that I cannot trust after many years, I know better now to guard my heart.

[may24]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Have you mentioned this to your Pdoc? It seems like that might be a productive discussion with her. I can definitely relate to not trusting people. This is why I come here to PC to discuss what is on my heart and mind. I don’t share much at all with people IRL. I think social media just makes it even worse. I won’t post anything personal on social media either. I wish I had something insightful to offer you on this subject. Best of luck to you.

Thank you for taking the time to answer. I haven't talked about it with my Pdoc yet, but I will mention it in our next session. I can relate to what you said about social media I only have facebook and I barely use it. Sometimes it makes me feel even more isolated because everyone seems to be so connected, but it seems quite superficial to me.

[may24]

Originally Posted by ennie

When I feel guilty about not trusting someone who may be sincere, I feel almost rushed to trust.

And when I rush to trust, I start to ruminate on my doubts about this person (ex. "What if she leaks the information I shared with her in confidence?").

I feel guilty too when I find myself looking for reasons not to trust someone, when in reality they haven't done anything but be nice... I think part of this comes from having trusted people too soon in the past. I didn't have clear boundaries and I used to feel inferior to everyone... So if someone was being manipulative or acting unfairly in some way, I would just rationalize their behavior and accept it. Now I feel like if someone is being nice it's because they want something in return...
What you said about remaining neutral about people who you don't know too well gave me some insight. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( hugs ))))))))

Originally Posted by may24

Thank you for taking the time to answer. I haven't talked about it with my Pdoc yet, but I will mention it in our next session. I can relate to what you said about social media I only have facebook and I barely use it. Sometimes it makes me feel even more isolated because everyone seems to be so connected, but it seems quite superficial to me.

I agree that it seems superficial. I don’t feel a sense of gratification or a sense of connection by posting selfies and whatnot.