Update..more like a vent **warning**

If you have to mention alcohol consumption that means THERE IS A PROBLEM. This man's real relationship that he seems to be powerless over is with his addiction to the Alcohol.

This man who is now 45 years old never learned how to grow up and take control of his life. When you are doing that FOR him, you are being an enabler and a codependent. There is NO true relationship when someone is already involved in a relationship with alcohol. His weekend off from you will most likely be that of cozying up with his alcohol and maybe his drinking buddies, HE WON'T miss you other then maybe you picking up after him and mothering him.

HE has to admit he has a problem and WANT to change that about himself, nothing YOU can do about it either. This weekend off, what are YOU going to do, sit and pout and vent about how you deserve a better partner? Yes, you do deserve a better partner but you are not going to have that until you rid yourself of this dead weight partner that insists on putting his relationship with alcohol before you. Go to an alanon meeting and sit and listen to others that had to learn this lesson and they will all tell you, "run" and get your own life while you are still young enough to find a healthier partner.

Good for you recognizing it. You deserve better. I applaud you for not finding 200 excuses for him and continue to live your life accommodating him and forgetting your needs.

Yeah addicts often don’t to go out and do social things like plays and concerts and tours and museums etc because they can’t be drunk there. Although I saw a man chugging from a bottle of vodka in Getty museum in LA. No kidding. Granted it was close to the closing time so I guess he couldn’t wait.

I’d stop responding to his texts and calls. Longer you talk to him longer you won’t find good men.

He’s trying to hold me back. We were in contact yesterday and he was drinking before 4:00!! Made me ill. We went to a movie once..I wouldn’t say it was the best time I ever had either..

It does sound like he has a drinking problem. Eek. So, my dear, what are you going to do? You sounded so strong and resolute in your first post. You deserve so much more than this. I believe you know this. No one can hold us back or hostage. You need to make a decision to stay or leave and if you leave, make it a clean break. Just know what you truly want and deserve .. is this guy giving that to you? From all you’ve written, it seems the answer is no. Cut ties. You can do this!!

I have to cut ties..we spoke over the phone and I thought maybe. Because even he recognized he needs to slow down. But then he was back at it yesterday so I guess his well being doesn’t matter, only drinking. 🙄

He’s trying to hold me back. We were in contact yesterday and he was drinking before 4:00!! Made me ill. We went to a movie once..I wouldn’t say it was the best time I ever had either..

This thread has helped me to see that the times I was mistreated and unloved had something to do with those guys’ addictions and not simply that they did not want me.

This thread has helped me to see that the times I was mistreated and unloved had something to do with those guys’ addictions and not simply that they did not want me.

Addiction is a very powerful force that takes over someone’s life, consumes them and is the top priority above all else. No matter how much they may think of you or love you, the addiction always comes first. It never has to do with you or not loving you. It’s a dysfunction within them.

Yes 100%. I have noticed in the past month it has gotten progressively worse. He cut back before, was starting to work out so I thought things would get better. But now he’s back to his old ways but worse. He only cares about drinking not our relationship. I know guys like this lose people they love, and I feel for him but I put myself first. He has to help himself

Addiction is a very powerful force that takes over someone’s life, consumes them and is the top priority above all else. No matter how much they may think of you or love you, the addiction always comes first. It never has to do with you or not loving you. It’s a dysfunction within them.

Yes it is..I was rewarding bad behavior. Also, not related to his addiction, but the last month and a half, I was initiating most of our plans. Before that, he was....so being too available doesn’t help things..it’s not exactly showing I respect myself. I’m not even going to say anything about his addiction. I will show with actions that I refuse to accept it

He has two big issues, he struggles with ptsd and he drinks and became an alcoholic to deal with it. He is way too unhappy with "himself". He needs to get help, you can't fix that for him and he will not be a good partner for you because he doesn't even help himself or really know how. It's definitely a challenge when it comes to ptsd.

There's literally sober men out there in your city, who are single, who will be compatible with you and attracted to you, who will treat you with far more respect than this guy has.

He has some alcoholism and PTSD problems that he's intentionally not addressing. That is his responsibility to fix, not yours. So, don't enable him or even respond to him anymore. Just end it and free yourself up for a far better eligible bachelor who doesn't have serious issues he won't address, like this guy.

Put yourself first. You shouldn't have to work this hard with a guy. It should be more mutual give-and-take.

Yes the ptsd is hard to deal with. Because his last relationship didn’t work and he gave up everything do now he’s super cautious with me, which I don’t deserve. I am nothing like his ex, so that isn’t fair. I’m not perfect, I know I can be kind of overbearing at times, but it’s due to my frustration which he doesn’t seem to get or understand.