Update..more like a vent **warning**

That will happen with ppl who have a drinking problem. Drinking always comes first, you come last. Never settle for less than what you want and deserve in a relationship, and never sell yourself short in life. Believe in yourself, respect yourself and your needs, and love yourself more than him.. when you love yourself enough and more than any other person, you gain the strength and resolution to say “no” to situations and people that are bad for you. He’s only going to drag you down, and like you said, hold you back from meeting the RIGHT person. HUGS!

If you need company to go do things try meetup. Lots of movie groups, walking and traveling groups etc. I met some nice groups of women. If you feel lonely, get yourself busy with social scene and you won’t have the time to be lonely. Try that. When he calls, just don’t answer.

This thread has helped me to see that the times I was mistreated and unloved had something to do with those guys’ addictions and not simply that they did not want me.

Even doing things by yourself and for yourself is extremely empowering, if you don’t have the gumption to join social and Interest groups. Some people do, some people don’t. They’re a great option though and it’s a great idea. Free yourself from the weight of this anchor, empower yourself and live life for YOU.

Yes I know it’s for the best..he adds no value to my life at all. I want more than to drink every weekend out of life.

It’s all about their addiction. But people who have an addiction, can’t have a healthy relationship.

Addiction is a very powerful force that takes over someone’s life, consumes them and is the top priority above all else. No matter how much they may think of you or love you, the addiction always comes first. It never has to do with you or not loving you. It’s a dysfunction within them.

Yes 100%. I have noticed in the past month it has gotten progressively worse. He cut back before, was starting to work out so I thought things would get better. But now he’s back to his old ways but worse. He only cares about drinking not our relationship. I know guys like this lose people they love, and I feel for him but I put myself first. He has to help himself

That's very wise of you! Good for you to see and know this! He does need to help himself. No one can do that for him, his problems are not your responsibility or burden to solve. Yes, you have to put yourself first! Congrats on your progress!

Yes it is..I was rewarding bad behavior. Also, not related to his addiction, but the last month and a half, I was initiating most of our plans. Before that, he was....so being too available doesn’t help things..it’s not exactly showing I respect myself. I’m not even going to say anything about his addiction. I will show with actions that I refuse to accept it

He has two big issues, he struggles with ptsd and he drinks and became an alcoholic to deal with it. He is way too unhappy with "himself". He needs to get help, you can't fix that for him and he will not be a good partner for you because he doesn't even help himself or really know how. It's definitely a challenge when it comes to ptsd.

There's literally sober men out there in your city, who are single, who will be compatible with you and attracted to you, who will treat you with far more respect than this guy has.

He has some alcoholism and PTSD problems that he's intentionally not addressing. That is his responsibility to fix, not yours. So, don't enable him or even respond to him anymore. Just end it and free yourself up for a far better eligible bachelor who doesn't have serious issues he won't address, like this guy.

Put yourself first. You shouldn't have to work this hard with a guy. It should be more mutual give-and-take.

The PTSD is from a previous relationship and he’s in therapy. So he’s created boundaries when I am not his ex. Boundaries that are completely selfish

Yes the ptsd is hard to deal with. Because his last relationship didn’t work and he gave up everything do now he’s super cautious with me, which I don’t deserve. I am nothing like his ex, so that isn’t fair. I’m not perfect, I know I can be kind of overbearing at times, but it’s due to my frustration which he doesn’t seem to get or understand.

Well I can empathize with your reaction to his pulling away, because he's totally being a selfish douche, projecting his ex-g/f's behavior and personality on to you, as though you're going to treat him the way she did (you're not, of course).

He sounds so immature. No one is perfect. But no one should have to compete with an ex, in their current relationship. If that starts happening, I take that as a red flag that the guy I'm with isn't emotionally available and then I have a choice: I can dump him, or I can stay and allow myself to be completely taken advantage of and emotionally abused. I've been where you're at. It's not a pleasant place to be.

Now that I want to put myself first, I won't give any guy a chance if he shows me he's going to be a douche-bag.

Who cares how he was with his ex. He is a bad boyfriend to you. So that’s what matters. Plus I bet if you talked to his ex she’d have some stories to tell.

You only dated few months. Not long term. No need to agonize over him. You can do better

Yes! And I even asked him why I am paying for her mistakes? I am not her. Which of course, he denies but the proof is in his actions 100%?

Patterns never lie. Never.

OF COURSE THE PROOF IS IN HIS ACTIONS 100%!

When you're ready, you'll leave that relationship. Right now, it doesn't seem like you want to give up on him yet. I can understand the pull to stay. I did. I paid for it with 2 years of my life wasted on a man who never loved me like he said he did; who LIED about being faithful (he was sleeping with another woman the entire time he was with me), and when I caught his lies on his cellphone (texts between him and the other woman) instead of owning up to his lies and deceit, he tried to keep the focus off himself by focusing on how my snooping was a violation of his privacy. My belief is: if I'm in a relationship with you, I have 100% access to your cellphone anytime I want it (and you have access to mine) because there is transparency and nothing to hide.

I also dated alcoholics. They were all nasty trainwrecks.

Draw a line in the sand. What is enough to make you leave him?

Yes it’s enough to end things, I just feel sick over it..

Well breaking away from a toxic source is never fun. But when you realize there are eligible, healthy, normal, reciprocative, respectful single men just waiting to date you rather than this messed up guy, you need to decide if it's a risk you're willing to take. Otherwise, stay stuck with this dead end, whatchamacallit b/c its sure not what a relationship is supposed to look like. Nope. He doesn't want to get help. He wants to be miserable. He wants to make you miserable. He will use you as his closest emotional abuse target, in person, on the cellphone, on the computer only as long as you allow it. Once you prioritize yourself and really see that you are better than he is, you'll find the strength to leave and won't let him reel you back in because you know there's better men out there. The world is gigantic. Is he worth any more time wasted? Your time is valuable. Are you?

Definitely....hate to say this but his treatment has really chipped away at my self esteem because he knows how to push my buttons..he knows my fear of abandonment. So he can ignore my texts at times to be in control. It makes him feel better about himself apparently. Dunno what his therapist is even doing for him because he seems worse not better

So, when you're ready, you'll walk away. You're not ready yet. That's ok. Why does it matter to you still, what his therapist is or isn't doing for him?

Which means that it's a great time to start working on re-building your self-esteem again.

You have the power to walk away from this relationship, you have the power to say "no" to what is not good for you, and you have the power to not allow him to push your buttons anymore.

Once you realize this and truly feel it within every fiber of your being, you will feel extremely empowered. Your self-respect and self-esteem will grow and soar. You owe it to yourself to feel good in life, and to feel good about yourself. You're worth it!!!

This relationship has definitely ran it’s course...I have tried to be patient with him but he’s truly undeserving of my attention.

He’s got to go