Minimum number of close relationships?

I want to reply to all of you properly later. I want to say that you have given me much to think about...I mean that as a compliment!

Bill, that Nietzsche quote just blew me away. As well as your story about your father. Wow. I am so grateful for you PC folks and your insight. Truly.

Does it? In what way? I haven't gotten that impression, at least not with close relationships.

This may be a silly reference after you've just quoted Nietzsche, but I'm reminded of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode that was really insightful.

Buffy nearly dies in a fight with a vampire and begins to have thoughts about her own mortality, so she asks Spike about his fights with other slayers because he's killed two of them.

Spike tells her that it wasn't a lack of skill or a failure in technique which led to their deaths. He didn't exploit a weakness in their attack, but rather, they had lost the will to live. Buffy hadn't (yet) because she had ties to the world - her mom, sister, and friends. Death chases us all, and eventually, all of us will forget the reason we keep running. Eventually, we all stop.

Maybe it isn't always relationships which give us purpose, but I think it often is.

You've opened Pandora's Box, Silver.

I think Silver can take from whatever is discussed though. She loves to sort through things and pick whatever she finds useful to her.

Sometimes one comes to a fork in the road in their life and can't figure out which direction to take. Often they can set for a bit and ask questions and then get enough of an answer that helps them choose a direction with some more confidence. I have a feeling this is what has helped Silver already when she needs to make a life path decision.

I guess it's part of my background and experiences that have shaped my answer, but my own personal experiences have been taxing in the age of social media. I'm part of a generation where people with the most likes and friends on social media get the most respect. As I finished up 6 years of uni, there was a pressure to socialize and be as extroverted and similar to the crowd as possible, otherwise I would just fall through the cracks.

Maybe I just haven't figured out how to balance between constant connection and alone time, but after being stretched and living life with very few personal boundaries, I've been practicing how to achieve that balance and that's where I found Dunbar's concept promising!

Oh no, I meant that in the best way. I thoroughly enjoy when people open this type of dialogue and we get to explore all the dark and scary parts of ourselves. I think we can all learn from it.

You and I are in the same age range.

What makes you think that those with a lot of likes and social media friends get more respect? Perhaps it's that they're liked and have many friends because they're respected. They've done something to earn that respect, or they're just generally charismatic.

Yes, I know no worries. I think there are topics that can end up taking conversations in some interesting directions. Sometimes a person can get so caught up in their own little world challenges that a conversation like this can be very refreshing.

You bring up a good point - on my old Facebook profile I had 810 friends and on my Insta I get an average of 80-100 likes on my posts, so I guess I'm doing something right. I guess to reframe my main point I've been around people who supported leaky boundaries so the lines of intimacy and acquaintanceships have been very blurred. So at one point I've friended "friends of friends of friends..." and in IRL have often given into pressure to socialize very personally even if I am busy or have little energy on my part to connect with others. This was common with a lot of the people who I hung out with in college - who turned out to be jerks in the end or didn't associate with me outside the usual settings.

I have been recovering from toxic social experiences so I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining too much!

Like, pressured to go to parties and socialize? Or pressured to divulge personal secrets to someone else? How did they pressure you?

But yeah, I get what you're saying with "blurred lines" when it comes to personal boundaries.

Thank you for your understanding. The issue of who we distribute our intimacy seems to be a common problem which necessitated the OP.

Actually yes to both. After I decided to leave the groups who sent me spiraling in the first place some of the people in those groups tried to lure me right back in, refusing to understand that I was juggling both misunderstandings with friends and hectic transitions simultaneously. Others in my so-called "support group" have forced me to come out of my shell even though I am someone more likely to enhance current friendships rather than branch out. A large part of why I left the groups I previously enjoyed as a young dumb college student is they were too sensitive and personal with seemingly everyday occurences. So yes people expected me to open up and share everything about me, but at the same time I risked criticism for what I shared. Not helpful when I've been going through this rough patch in my life. And most people at where I attended school were flashy with their social life and flaunted it on SM. Kind of like "everybody else is doing it, why not you", that sort of mentality.