Dating, but do I really want to?

So I've been in a relationship with my partner for eight years, we had a domestic violence problem and she left. She was having an affair essentially, no matter how insignificant it was.

I'm talking to a girl called Katie who is English by law, but tai by blood. We were meeting a few weeks ago for a first date however I had a motorcycle crash about ten miles from her, which I was gutted. So now we've rescheduled for her birthday.

The problem is I suffer with borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, so I have massive trust and abandonment problems, thanks Zoe. 😑 She will come home at 7pm, say hi by text then just leave. She turns her WiFi off at night, but lately she's been doing this more often. Am I just revisiting my worries? I'm also kind of afraid of what people will say about her appearance, don't get me wrong I could care less about how she looks, she's such a caring person, but there's always this nagging thought about what if my family don't approve, or my friends don't approve, again, not really bothered but it eats me up.

Any suggestions?

Go for it

Go for what?

Honestly, I'm hoping you decide, then do, whatever "it" is that makes you happy.

Domestic violence issue ????

Who is Zoe? Who comes home at 7pm? Zoe? Do you live together? If you still love Zoe whoever she is, not sure if you ready to date Katie.

Sorry, probably laid it out wrong. Zoe was my partner until I caught her having an affair. Police were called, charged for DV but then charges were dropped as she didnt press charges.

So now I am single. I'm dating Katie, but I just don't know how I feel about it any more.

Is it Zoe that comes home at 7 PM? Why does she do that? Either way, I'm not sure if I'd suggest you to go to another relationship so soon after your previous one ended. How much time has passed since it ended exactly? Perhaps you may want to let some time pass and take time to grieve the end of your relationship. It's fine if you just want to date casually but you need to be honest with her from the start in that case. I'm not sure I'd commit to a serious relationship so soon after the previous one ended. That's your choice though! Whathever works for you. I'd suggest to take care of yourself since you're also struggling with MI. I wouldn't worry too much about what your friends or your parents may think. After all this is YOUR life and YOU need to take the major decisions for your life without other people interfering! Also who was the one who pressed charges for domestic violence? Was it you or Zoe? If it was Zoe, is it true? If it is true you ABSOLUTELY need to get help and to reach out to a professional as soon as you possibly CAN and to NOT commit to ANY RELATIONSHIP while you take care of yourself! If I've had it all wrong then I apologize to you! Either way, be careful and wise in what you decide to do! Consider every option before making a decision! There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself! Wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it goes and what you decide to do! Remember to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and Katie, Kane!

It's Katie they comes home at 7pm. Zoe and I allowed near each other. So she moved out of here in January so it's been a fairly long time. I've grieved a lot, new medication, more doctors. I'm not getting any younger, I've found a new job which ironically is in her town, but there's this nagging feeling that somethings up.

The domestic violence was true, I was the perpetrator and it got very violent, very quickly. But that was because of this red mist I have every now and again. Katie is aware of my illnesses, my behaviour, when it's time to back off, and when I need comforting. She's great with me in that aspect, I've been brought up better than to be violent towards my lover. It was just a spontaneous moment.

I understand but it's important for you to keep working on yourself and your behaviour if you have problems managing your anger. I'm glad Kate is aware of this at least but it's your responsability to work on these issues so that she won't feel afraid of you blowing up at any moment. Peace and mutual trust are BOTH fundamental traits of any SERIOUS relationship! As for your feelings perhaps it would be good to explore them in therapy if you're seeing a therapist and understand where they may be coming from. I believe you don't need to worry too much about what other people may believe or think but if it's about YOU it's another matter. I'd suggest to explore those thoughts with an experienced therapist if you aren't doing it already. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and Kate, Kane!

So you’ve never met Katie? You said you rescheduled first date. In what sense is she great with you and knows when to back off and when you need comfort if you two have never met?

So we were due to meet last week, she was moving so I wanted to go and help her move things, and take her for dinner. We've been talking a few months now. We are in different counties but it only takes an hour to get to her via motorcycle. But unfortunately I slipped on gravel and ended up in hospital. I was so disappointed I couldn't go and help her, felt like such a failure that day. So 28th is her birthday. We planned a birthday meal but her work is taking her out, so we are going for a picnic if the weather permits.

Katie knows about my conditions and I've explained that there will be days where I struggle. For her not to worry, and to just bare with me until I'm better. We have a bond created by honesty and respect. If she has something she is concerned about she knows I will listen and support her, she's always asking questions which is great, because it shows she is wanting to make this work.

She facetimes me every morning to remind me to take my medication, evening and night time. My last relationship was abusive because neither of us understood what was going on with me, but it wasn't until my doctor diagnosed me that we started to realise the faults.

When I had my accident, Katie was more concerned about how I was, rather than anything else. She told me she would come and visit me in hospital, but of course, i wouldnt want to make that our first date.

Primarily my mental health is good currently, stable and under the MOJ. I've learnt a lot from my previous relationship and it's really helped me move forward. The thing that worries me (anyone with bpd will know) is that I'm suffering more from the "you've not spoken in days do you not like me" whereas in reality she's probably just busy or asleep.

I'm ready to date, I've faced my demons and I've dealt with the grief. Yes, I cry every time I see photos, or every time something reminds me of Zoe, but that's normal. Therapy in the UK is nearly extinct. So much cut backs meaning therapy is only for those who are seriously in need. I've been in therapy for eight years.